lifeless

10092005
0107 hrs
w: breezy

NOT ENOUGH SLEEP,
work from 1000 -2300
felt tired..
lose concentration ..
pour a glass of water accidentally on a guest..

linz is feeling better =)
new CI posted to GVSS, from siglap..
tomorrow, npcc drill compeition, 0800 at hai sing
work 1300 - 0000
'what will happen if tomorrow never come ?'
wore out totally...

09092005

09092005
W:sunnY/ slightly drizziling
T: 0402

Today, went to the NEW water plant in bedok(a ce activity by RP), then follow by life saving till 2plus , hmm, finally some time to rest, went straight home boom !! onto the bed. skip astronomy session. Went cycling with, SL, JJ, V, ZJ and GJ,unlucky day ?? hmm, guess so.. we went to ECP then went all the way to town/city area.Took photos with stamford raffles, PS, NAC... On the way there, SL buang, rolling breakfall off the bike, no serious injuries to him, while the bike brake spoil, but then later repaired with the help of an unknown biker, thanks anyway. On the way back to tamp, we fly all the ways, vroom...!! then way back, SL tire , burst, then JJ and SL take turns to carry the bike while i lobang GJ.Finally home!! Tomorrow still got work from 1000 - 0100, 15hrs tomorrow.. another tiring day ? nono sld put it in ' another fulfilling day !! 'haiz, linz injured her chest while having kata randori with ben, hmm, y did he play so rough on girls too ? he's a bully ? well, i must beat him totally in judo !! Hope linz will recover soon=) hmm, also thanks KL's for the disc given on tues =) like those songs v much. Focus- study, Judo.. OA- work, npcc .. the rest don care, cos too tired, sori abt the JP, guess i will be quiting astronomy soon, as i find the IG was abit too complicated( in politics?) , i don noe... All i want is a simple life, with my dreams .. and fulfilling them. 'Think think think, that's what keep a person improving'

strange things

today, a boring and weird day? okie... wakey then have a 'slibing gathering' hahaz, have a talk with my bros and sis during the lunch, topic was about my mum as she was strange after that incident, well my dad have become responsible le, but my mum ? i not sure ? things seem to be flip around... i am v tired !! then went to work, from 1500 - 2200, slacking ? hahaz today i drop chicken, foods and money abnormal ... then sam told me the stupid story of shaggy , lol then ended up i keep tinking of the name shaggy then got 2 customers order and asked my age, then i blur blur told them, somemore this customers were at the age of 13 or 14 nia .. wth blur until like that...NO LIFE LA, hahaz today got to know kl experiences in life lolz, intersting and similar to mine, after so long i met another person which share the similar interest with mine lolz, hard to find ppl who listen to songs which touch feeling de. tomorrow is another day... going east view judo, cos requested by linz, lolz seeing ya !! :' being a gf of mine must be a v tough things i guess...' cos i am guy who has lotsa commitments and unable to spend time for the special ones, sorry... ' guess i needa give up on some of my interest le, but judo and npcc will still remains. 'my passion is burning' , saturday is npcc drill compeition le, hope gv can make, ' winning is not everything, the process is what matter most..'

Gone

My heart has been moved, through external factors. what's that feeling about? it's like so strong without my control. love but how to express it ? LOL no life ... the grades in sch has disappointed me recently, just like a huge fall after climbing up. everything = restart... now must think how to handle things properly. Really tired, of the current lifestyle, my mind and body were so reluctant to think and do things, guess sooner or later, will not be attending some CCAs. hmm, found a new part time(waiter) in a hotel near the far east plaza. Getting more and more busy, needa have a better time management. ' comparing... i felt inferior'

NDP preview

NDP preview

Early in the moring went for NPCC at Green View, hmm, everything was corked up as the sec 1 are not prepare with the uniform then everything was delayed. Another thing was that i was unable to cooperate well with one of the instrutor as different thinking in teaching approaches, whereby i think her's approaches is not applicable to the situation. Then taught some of the NCOs campcraft, however did not complete teaching as there was a shortage in time. Took cab to RP, wah so ex, sianz must cut down some expenses liao.Somemore wait for the bus in rp for 1hrs plus 2 , wah waste time only. Then hopped onto the bus and proceeded to marina south for the SDA handsigning, rained the whole afternoon, sat on the wet benches.. no life, worst of all is that i couldn not sign well and kanna the first row of the bench.Saw one of the GV cadet participating in the same event with me LOL , hahaz.The preview supporting cont songs was the same as NDP03 de!! wah hahaz. ' looking at the parade, thinking of the past, those memories...u, who was once most impt to me, a motivator to me...nv regret having knowing u in my life, u change my thinkings and let me grew stronger' - life ,' if only i am more sensible in the past'

mY fearSs

I felt fear when i climbed too high,
the higher i climb,
i might lose alot of things,
as there is change in character, mentality
what i wanna be?
what character do i want to mold on myself?
CONFUSION

One day, my time will be up in this world
so when will it come?
how long i left?
to completed my dreams,
fulfill my goals..
why is there fear in my broken heart?
why am i unable to overcome it?
why ???...
when will be the day where i will be able to love all over?

1207

movinG towardS a devil's character

Today, skip lesson just to watch the final, as i told L that i will be attending the next match she's playing. [On the way there, i was pissed off by the msg from M, msg me just to told me off for not washing the cloths the night before, even threaten to fire me..Come'on , bring it on , if u wan to fires me just because of a small mistake, go ahead. Don try me !! stop finding excuses!!don know what's happening and want to f** me off!! I will leave, for the sake of my pride, even if this job meant alot to me. So next time if u try me again, DON BLAME ME FOR TURNING SOUR!!]Went to saw the match btw NYG and EVSS, EV lose, got 2nd in national, considered v good in the past few years, CHEERS!! then saw, the finals btw HC and RI for B division boys, amazing match, Both were strong, RI manage to break HC records for being the champion 14 years consectively, and this year CH got 1st runner up, RI got champ.then follow by the A division finals , CJC vs HCJC , HCJC won, those were exciting matches, and their standard were way above me, guess i have to train more if i want to go for IVP. Wrote a very lousy RJ, guess today's grade will get 'F'.

wat's wrong?

wat's wrong ?

For the past few days, i have been pondering over my character.i felt that i have been too proud to the small extend of looking down on others.I shouldnt be . If this continue to happen, i will fall badly one day before achieving my goals and things and people around me will change drasically toward me. now i must have the word humble in my mind. must do some reflection on my own character. Understand myself , what i wanna be...."humble...humble...humble... a good code of practise in moulding a better character", "don bother about others achievements , move towards own's dream"

23/06/2005

Packed/slack day of mine

Early in the morning went for why IG meeting, then allocated to forensic workshop, sianZ kanna wat secetery post SHARK , I HATE ADMIN STUFFS!!these stuffs are no life to me!! jus becos i say something inappropriate in the meeting then kanna sabo by the year 2s, but nvm haha, since in that case no choice learn to do admin work lolz, must try to do the best in it.Hmm later in the afternoon wanted to meet CH at queenway to buy sandals , shark him , meet at 12 , 12 then wakey !!nvm , then when to take train from redhill to the end then back to redhill, sleeping inside the mrt , don feel like getting off manz hahaz.Then went for RP judo session, today didn do much training, more on the preparation for the demo coming up in a month time, Slacking all day long, but today got to learn more about rolling breakfalls!! so many styles, manage to roll without hands. Later in the judo training, ran dori with a guy which has represent s'pore b4, looking at him .. half morale gone , packed with muscles, somemore brown belt, kanna threw all the way. NVM, hahaz, he shall be the next person i wanna beat in judo, he shall be my drive to train harder!I WILL MAKE IT ONE DAY!! hmm , next is RP astronomy, learn lotsa method of find constellations,but all this i know liao , NO LIFE today too cloudy then cannot see any star in the pratical session then learn to assemble the scope. Overall i make lotsa new friends today, people with common past identity , common interest, from WHY IG and RP JUDO!!"friends are brought together by fate, and time will separate them again, effort is needed to maintain friendSHIP, just like a SHIP needed to mend when there's a hole, treasure times together b4 it's too late=)"

mE.mYself

mE.mYself

Finally after years, without father loves, i felt some care and love from him, from a irresponsible to a more caring father. Thinking back, if my family were the heart of mine, this small part of it has always not been completed. Although the small part of it has been missing in the past, however there were always be someone who filled it up tempory, which give me the feeling of father love=) although one of them has passed away last year, all in the sudden, make me felt loss in the sudden. People and animals who has accompany me through those days(teaching me, influence me, molding my present thinking/mindset) they will live in my memories forever, till the day.... hahaZz forget these stuffs, now have been bothering over commitment thingy, work, cca, school & mca(my curricular activities). Currently these commitment are, school, npcc, judo, handball, astronomy, tai chi... ... sianZz no life, finally on this day, my commitment will only set to first Education, then Judo, NPCC, work that all for this year. The rest, free then go lolz. hahaz, Education- make it to University then become a occupation which can save life(wether it's human, animal or plant). Judo - Train hard and win compeition, mastering harai and ugi mata. N.P.C.C - win top 50th placing in Campcraft compeition 2006, win first 3 placing in drill compeition 2006, teaching the NCOs of becoming leader , UOPA silver 2007. work- saving for course for violin 2006, motor and car license 2007, bike 2007, futher education. "i dream, i see, i draw, i move, i reach!"

A daY of meetinG

09062005

waOoo, met alots of "long lost friends" today. hahazZ, saw Huilin while i was going to popular , didn notice her until she called out my name(how blur can i be?), met her twice in the same day, lolz, wanted to tok to her but don noe y jus don feel like toking as i was too tired. Then met HARDCORE while i was on the way home from school. There was a feeling of happiness when i saw them, the feeling just came by itself.=)

02062005

Lame incident

Ytd got to know a new friend through En Meng, which is told by EM that his is a lamester ... And today, i met with a lame incident while buying food in the main canteen.wah..While i was waiting for my food, there was a person who kept looking at me,i find her fimilar but forgot where i saw her before, i tot " i did something wrong manZz", then i tried thinking back, 'did i cut Q?' but there was not Q , then Y is she kept staring at me manZz, then she asked me whether was i working at TB's SL, of cos i nodded my head, then she say no wonder she find me so firmilar . KAOZz, made me thought that i offended her without noticing, LOL, no life . Then after work, while walking down the station, then a thought strike my mind, i met this ger during the SAS orientation, correct? i also not sure? whatever!! ,haiz this holiday is so packed with camps, i have a total of 3 camps and 1 3days event which occupied 2/3 of my holiday , kaoZz , then how to work? SHARK LA!! like that got life but... haizZ whatever la, let fate decide lolz. "till today my mind is still wondering around aimlessly..."

Fight with the rights

2505

Today, an typical busy day of mine, went for a boring talk in the afternoon then rush back to class to complete presentation. When will i get the first A in enterprising? so tiring, then after school , rush back to EVSS to collect MY 'O' certificate, looking at the cert with a BIG D7 in first subject make me feel that i am so useless. hahaZz today Juen Juey make a remarkable and unbelivable achievement in studies, he make it to level ranking 16th, good for him , his hard work has paid off. hahaZz Then went to Judo @ katong, yeppiZz, got promoted to orange liao finally !! but think that my skill was still lousy.. when can i make to JJ and vincent standard ? FREAK , got my knee injured again, hurt alot compared to the previous one. NO LIFE MANZz .. "learning martial art is not to abuse it, but to uphold the right and protect it" , " a real martial artist is someone who respect his opponent and others , and doesn't have the mentalities to injure or kill opponent ."" martial art are to trains one's paitience and endurance"

aN idotic daY of minE

whaT iS hapPeninG 2 mE?

today went swimming with ah ben , choon hong and JJ , wah i CMI manzZ, no more stamina liao, i can't swim 20 continuous lap, keep taking short rest.saddening .. Cancelled the outing with HL and PM to the whatever park, forgot liao, postponed it. went to SL to do FLD, crap lehz, what is happening to me manZz, go there just to acc someone??kKz(stop this no life topic) kaoZz , i am in deep shit manzZ, why am i kept clinging onto the past? just everytime the mrt i took passes by tanah merah station, memories i should forgot kept flashing back, and this happen everyday, what is happening ?now i dont even know myself, everyday getting sadder and sadder(more and more no life le) . "without me, u will lead a happier life" , " i m jus a guy who is unable to provide happiness" , " the happiness of the star was what matter the most " In my life till now, i have met 3 stars of mine and let them just flew across me, without trying to catch them, regretted ? i oso dont know.. i let them go.. because i felt that .. i cant provide happiness to them , so why tied them up and hide their shines to others ? maybe one day they will find a better one compare to me .. (no life )

Life ever since school started

Life ever since school started 29/4/2005

Time flies so fast that 2 week in RP has passed.First thing first, what was the lesson like in RP? lolz, the lesson structure is very simple every day. For first year, got 5 moldule which mean 1 moldule/day, and in everyday can simply put it as come to school, do presentation, go home.hahaz that's PBL life in RP i guess.Hmm, everyday wakey just like the secondary school days(wah lao no life manZ), then meet sab taking mrt, although the meeting time was early, but we will always late alternately, in the end, almost late for class lolz.That freaking one stop centre doesn't seem to receive my photos manZ, then didn't got the student identity card,wat the shark!Heard that RP is opening Judo club soon, heheheZz.Got to knows lotsa new friends there, guess the whole class should hav know me by now hahaz.My first week daily grade was... alright la i guess, got 1A, 3Bs and of cos 1C.hope to get at least all Bs this week. hahaz my goals for every week is to improve my grades till a day i got all As hahaz then move from personal to group, helping my teamates to scores As and lastly, which was i think impossible was scoring As as a class. Challenging every problems, everyday.whop, started work at shilin, got to know some people there, which was compilicated to me but the boss was quite good la, every time go there to flour chicken or fry chicken or do egg creep (life's low) and what's most sickening was doing cleaning up at the end of the day.hmm, no more NP parade in green view for the time being, can rest more on saturdays but have to be bother the ATC proposer in june, hahaz but lucky got wci cindy doing it, so dont needa bother much.so tiring then still got work, haiz sunday oso got work then sometimes Fu Hui got events coming up, don't know how xia.Because of work cant go to taichi liao, hope sensei will understand me.if there's free time, i will sleep and rest.

14/4

a day in RP

today, went to FOP2 conducted by the chiron club. stupid chiron club, lied in order to have more people to go today, they told us that today will get the student identity pass, which i was looking forward to it. basically, i need to thanks the chiron's cm for having trying to make today fun for all freshmen in SAS. But they should have some wet activities plan, cos today activities seem to be somehow a cork up one to me. hmm, today is a day of abit of fun and alot bored, mayb i have been to too many of this kind of activities? or i have some atittude problem? Today got to know lotsa friends, but mostly from biomed.One of the members in my group which look alike like zhengxi and has the same name as my sister , manZ this world is small(can someone make it bigger?jkjk).notice a ger which was in the same grp with me during the FOP, like ZY but white colour de lolz hahaz, the look is abit like ZY but the seeing her remind me of ZY.wat most fun to me today was the chair game, our team won the game and everyone was so happy(hi fiving).This team was a great team, but one thing lacking was a leader, someone who was willing to stand out and bring the team spirit up and lead the group.today due to that some times was too boring, kept moving to the dreamland, mind kept thinking about things. sianzZz.slept in the train again, lucky today didn overslept, wakey when the door just open.

11/4/2005

Another typical day of mine

borrow another 2 books from library,1 is about singapore dogs, another about aikido.Then went to work, doing same old stuff, then accidentally got a cut on my thumb, crap manZ, first in my life time got cut by a can. Then dont care about it, continue cutting the peach. then shifu notice it, and kept insisting me to put on the plaster, cause the wound kept bleeding even after i apply direct pressure for a few time.In the end she stick the plaster on my thumb, i hate plasters and bandages, make me look so weak lolz,recalling the past injury i had during atc and someone helped me to bandage it.Feel like removing it. Got to know from huilin that they got silver in syf, cool manz, feel happy for eastview=) two thumbs up!! haiz when will ev npcc get a UOPA gold?things i can do for ev npcc is somehow limited as i was posted to gv npcc. hope that i hope i bring up the standard of both ev and gv npcc, and bring them to higher level. wakey 6 in the morning later going for FOP.

6/4/2005

6/4/2005

today, meet ah Ben and song de for BB. Then jason joined us not knowing that we will be leaving at 11. Have quite a fun morning playing street match with those guys.After that, Jason and ah ben, came to my hse, Ah ben did those typical stuffs he usually did whenever he came to my house, get a cup of water and sat infront of my computer,but it's okie larz as he was my "cousin" ma.ahben saw my laptop which i brought the day before and wanted to use it to try the wireless connection, whereby i strictly don't allow it as it was againest my principle for using others things without permission. The wireless connection can be connected to unsecure homeuser.Then during the evening, saw huilin then follow by yangee at the tampines interchange, while i was rushing for an job interview. wonder how yangee knew my name when i didnt really know this boy. but whocares ? the more friend the merrier ma. The reason for me to get this job at tiong bahru because Ark is too complicated for me to understand( not the job itself but the inter human relationship)heard that mimi(my shifu) is quitting at the end of this month, due to some misunderstanding?btw i think that A shouldn't judge a person work performance just by one day itself, she shouldn just find the fault of others, she should oso look at the strength of others. To me,i think that a good leader, should magnific the strength of the followers. Second reason was that tiong bahru was nearer to my school and i just have to take EW line to reach tamp instead of transfering train here and there.thirdly, the boss has agreed to put me in the 6-10 shift, for this timing, i dont needa rush for the last train. Lastly, it has a slightly higher pay compared to Ark.If i am selected, i dont see the reason staying in ark. After interview, i fetched a cab, intending to rush for judo, but i was caught in the traffic jam.Looking at the time and meter ticking passed, my heart also accelerated. By the time i reach katong, the training has almost ended, and i have to pay for the 1hr of waiting time when i caught in the jam, so expensive ma, highly exceeded my budget.What a day!! Nv take cab during the peak hours again.

4/4/05

4th april 2005

Today went to RP with , mh,sab,mk,sd and Jason, to see the laptop roadshow.today was raining all the whole day, it will be nice if i can sleep at home. lolz but travelling from places to places, making me feel so tired.i wore my new shoes today, the feeling was great.My sis found another job for me and asked me to call, the boss asked me to go for interview on this wednesday.Still thinking if the interview was a success, should i choose ark or there?After work, as i return home, sis complained that he is making trouble again.he was drunk again, he argue stuffs with my sis, lucky my bro" was asleep, or else there might be a fight again.He kept complaining that we didnt treat him like our father, but in the first place, he didnt took up the responsibility of taking care of us. And expect us to take care of him. Now i still have to rely on my bros and sis to pay partly for my laptop and school fees.And he!just slacking around not even asking me weather i have sufficient money for my school fees. And both of my brother were serving NS, with only 400 per mth and my sis is studying U. while he, who still can walk and run, only care about himself, his cigarette, his beer! cant he be more sensible?! cant he just be more responsible?! this question has been existing in my heart for decades.

1/04/2005

01042005 friday

Today, i was called down to eastview for temp replacement for hider in the speech day reheasal. Think i have done a v bad job there, hmm but it was proud to be marching in there even it's just a rehearsal . Too bad i wasn't participating in the parade itself , cause i was posted to greenview. After npcc, rush to ark, was late. wanted to took cab but forgot i brought a CD then wallet left $2, sianz took bus to interchange to withdraw some $$. Today at ark was v sianzZ, count $0.10 until eyes going to popz out,such a big packet, then later do cashier, forgot to press 00 at the end, 2nd time making this mistake.As it was late, alicia send me to outram mrt to rush for the last train.reaching home all my siblings haven sleep, then we ended up talking rubbish in the middle of the night, long time ever since we gather and talk.