14feb10. sun. wind

it's CNY, same old people, same old place, here is the time where we get to see people who we'll see only once a year. But different feelings. somehow or rather i realise how much distance am i away from my family and relatives in term of bonding. It can be seen from a simple dinner or gathering. They are suppose to be the closest. I don't understand them, and vice versa. I wonder why family politics is also in place. Politics get to place where there are large group of people together ? Or issit that it's the way we were brought up ? Where everythings are usually settled by ourself, where we buy things we like ourself instead of pulling mummy dress and say 'mummy, mummy, can i have this ?'. Or issit that we came from a 'broken' family where there's a absence of care from parents? But one thing for sure, I will make sure this wouldn't happen to my family in the future, may it be the younger generation or older generation.

I don't mind being called 'B', But do take note when it comes to laughing at others weakness. It's not about some unique action. But I guess it's just not right to laugh at a person when he's trying to improve on it, why not correct that person or advise him instead of laughing at he's langage pronounciation. I mean different people are brought up differently in different background, you maybe born in a well educated and good family, but others might not.

Another thing that actually hit me hard is laughing at the physical shortcoming of others. Be glad that you wasn't born like this. Does laughing at other pes status or whatsoever, make you feel that you are actually the most perfect person on earth ?! I didnt speak about anything about ur back or vision disability or physical weakness (did i say anything when you guys can even do a proper push up or wheresoever where i stand a advantages?) Here's this person is trying hard not to let people see his short comings and here you guys are laughing at him spreading around his weakness, is that the right thing to do ? It's hard to trust anybody, or rather it's better not to trust anyone. It's better to isolate in one corner and so nobody will bother you. Slowly bits by bits detach from the shift/place as things remains is only hatred.

blame my mindset, blame me for being sensitive in these area, whatsoever.

I hope to form bonds but things happening around make me think otherwise.

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