jess last day

md: -

-last day working under jess at GWP le =( missing her
- customer = er somehow irritating ... but nvm
- fun day @ the end, having durian mooncake, shandy 'celebrating' for jess last day at work












- there goes another person who somehow dote me ... nvm still can visit her during others occasion de
- guess GWP will have large reduce in number of part timer haha including ME ...
- working for money liao not for relation lol
oh ya lost previous post due to dc...
to the one i love
'treasure her, find all ways to love her, getting rid her feeling of being neglected'
O 'level' coming liao
jia you wor dearY, no worries i will still miss you and love you de =)

haha
nxt
jess is somehow like my godmum, have being taking good care of me since my first day of work .. 1 year le .. now she's leaving GWP liao... she taught me something, the words 'fairness' and 'understanding' through her action.

'life is about reaching a destination and leaving for another'

unfair yet fair

md: breezY

working ytd and today, both is CWD, both is 1 to 1 but today i feel as if i am doing 2 to 1 ... we were given 3 to 3 table, but one of my partner was a new bird so BB lo ... hmmm but nvm la ... guess what today winsor ballroom change name to tudor ballroom 2 lol, jus becos of some typo error they printed, then have to guide those guest (anyway din really did any thing much) what most coincidence was tat both groom have the same surname, both brides have the same christian name lol *confusion*. anyway i like the guest for ytd and today, know why ? not they give me tips but just simple a word 'appreciative' they appreciate things i have done for them, there was one lady who keep saying thank you from the first drink i serve her to the last desert i served her, also a little ger from another table smiles at me whenever i clear plate, serve drinks etc. Also not forgeting jessica (my 'godmum') at work, thanks her for being so understanding towards me, a great captain who i will be willing to work for, cos she cares for her part timer, she went through those hardship and she understand us =) smile my sis's bf jus brought my favourite bing pe moon cake for me !! =D wahahaha ... tmr another schday, really stress over having majority biomed students as classmate, they are compeitive, unlike us most biotech student, mayb will affect my daily grade =( have to self motivate lol ... pumpping 75% lol... dearY having prelim now *pray for her to score well*=) jia you ger...

tat's life

md: cloudy

- was getting sore throat, cough and flu ... woaHhh
- nxt thursday school reopen
- nxt wed last day of attachment at AVA
- things to complete = PP, 20 pages attachment report, presentation to DBIO, soil analysis... yawnZz
- life's unfair yet fair?
- no one is resistant to change ?
- ever wonder how many people know how to treasure time, people and things around them?
- i wan to be contented, but ppl ard me shows me that i shouldnt be... am i too compeitive ?

let it go

md: nil

- let go
- understand
'how ppl piorities things, shows that how important are things meant to them'

- AVA attachment turn out to be sort of dissapointment (things was not plan for what we going to do there)
- treasure ppl ard, and their existance
- life turning back to those solo days...
- once he care for everyone but himself, then he care for himself more then anyone, after that he treat ppl the way they treat him... now or the future ?? who should he care?

mHNS

md: showering ...

miss her no use

in his mind:

he put her before any other things

but

she put him after everything

... he seem to be upset about it
but there's nothing he can do ...
cos he belives in freedom in relationship...
that's his life... his fate
life filled with misses ...
unhappy ... back to no life like the past ...

he jus wan to know how much does she care...

thing happen with signal ?

md: nil

when i was young i wonder... does thing happen with characteristic before hand?

saw a email receive from my bro about a ger who met with an accident due to a drunk driver, she was not dead but was ard 80% burn .

this morning took bus to sch on 969 saw a person knock down by a bus, guess it dead, it was cover with white canvas, with one of the leg sticking out(appear to be white), and blood appear at the head part. with the forensic number plate on the bus screen.

life is full of coincidence...

once a life

md: :(

- sometimes, someone will just get together for somethings which might happen once in life. things might happen always, but time and people might not...
- needa redo the whole lit review, forgot to transfer to D while reformating
- lappiz very lag as running on 1 ram instad of usual 2
- getting new ram -> getting broke
- no life...
- cut down extra activities (judo...) can save money ... may be jus on swimming lifesaving ?
- hope she will recover from her blisters and sore eyes soon ...

complain!

md: thunder storm

i am not happY
- laptop gg crazy, blackout out anytime
- got my 3rd UT for Bio Chem E....
- C for app chem daily grade ...
- swim so slow.. .

Everythings jus too sucks...
LIFE is unfair !
- i went to acer to repair, that guy told me that nth is wrong jus some software error, after reformating things will be fine... BUT i reformated yet things still goes wrong!! is this what you call professionalism?! haiz with my warranty over ... if service who knows?
-i went studying so hard for that UT, yet those hard work didn paid off, and i got my 2nd E in UT ... argh ! daMN... i will work harder ...
- excuse me miss soh... do you noe how to grade fairly?! do you think getting goods results in UT shows everything about the daily grade? why does a person did no contribution (with good UT grade) and a person did contribution (with average UT grade) gets the same daily grade? jus like DEATH SENTENCE !!
- i swim too slow, not improving ... gonna train harder and win !

mummy gg oversea tmr... hope she will have a safe trip

ahHhh hHHHh!!!! life getting crazY . . . dreams so far away . . . future are so dim . . .

life will get better ...

100th post

md: breezY
the 100th post

- POP (out of GV), miss u guys =)
- received a watch from the teacher officiers esp Mr Seong
- thanks Mr Seong TY for everythings =)
- Went for charity swim, make a mark @ 100 lapS!! =D
- the process was rather blurR, with 30 breast and 70 free!! haha so amazed by myself LOL!! tot i will swim more breast then free..
- just keep swimming and i will reach there soon
- dryer rougher hair ...
- got a E for genetic UT2 =(

'life's like a roller coaster, fulls of ups and down' 23rd' 07' o6

md: nil

as dust blew past and settles...

- got the attachment to Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority (AVA) =) out of so many and only 2 from RP got the chance( won by 1 vote), however feeling sad about it as i won shawn by 1 vote, whereby he's my good friend and better than me in almost everyway =(
- not going for K. Judo training for 3 weeks as UTs coming up on the following fridays =( feeling bad about it... but have to score for the those UTs if not GPA will be affected, at the v least giving my best for it.
- Going for charity swim on next sat 29th july, swimming to donate , aimming for 50- 60 laps but die die will swim 20laps
- change in attitude ? felt it ...

thinG tO kEep in minD:
'never take things for granted'
'keep the positive attitude going'

a bad day at work

md: =(

- went carry box of wines... slippery floor + hole = fell down ... to prevent the wine from breaking : hold it tight and tried my best to reduce impact = injured feet and scratches on hand ...
- feet: still ok at work, after work return home... guess it getting abit swollen ...
- they will be fine after a few days ...

5th mth

md:=)

- messed up the present for her =(
- out with her =)
-happy 5th mth to dearY
-happY birthday to eugene
- he's still like the past nv change(life jus about fighting?), hope he will find his way for the future
'life's not just about, admiring and saying, but it's also about dreaming and achieving '

born fortunate =)

md: -

everyone fated to meet.
when i was born:
although not in a wealthy family,
not having a responsible father,
but i have a mother, 2 brothers and sis,
who cares and dotes me.

when i face different life stages:
feeling stressed up,
feeling down,
feeling helpless,
feeling useless,

there will always be someone there for me:
everytime in my life:
having brothers and sisters around, providing me their's ears for listening and their's hand in holding me.
now:
having a wonderful ger in my life, who have been providing me the moral support and loving me.

In GWP
having the GWP gang
having the 'godmum' who somehow dote on me

serving as a CI (in greenview)
not having the tradition of senior guiding junior in EV,
A CI in the name, a NCO in the role ?
having mr seong around, guiding me and teaching me, he taught me life
having cindy and HO around, things were make posiible

in those NDP days
having a butTy in my life, who have influence me and gave me the energy in going on.
to care and love
having hardcore who make life there more enjoyable

Judo days
might not be as well as expected,

but they were there to guide me along through the learning of spirit, techniques,


Back to EV
Respect of honour:
Mr Don Yeo
Mrs Tan SF
Mrs Ng PY
Mr Yeo LS
CI lum ZY
Tan JX
the power of perseverances and determination
when you loves someone, make sure that they are happy?
having buddies who share woes and sweats together,
playing together
study together
copying homework early in the morning
being punish together
achieving something together
tat's when i: understand the meaning of caring someone

in those primary sch days
playing catching
playing soccer
picking rubbish with mr tay (the great chinese teacher of mine), make me care about the enviroment

i might not remember everything, but i noe if they wasn't there in my past, things will be differents.
ever wonder if they wasn't there, how different will things be?
Many people, many things ...

if u wasn't there, my life will be different
if i don exist, others life will also be different

nv take things for granted

everyone is fortunate in some ways=)
be happy and think of it, treasure it...

md: breezy

Complains or compliment?
whoa, guess what today?1 to 1 table, then first time experiencing the real kan chong feeling of being a bar man, although it was only for the start of the wedding dinner. hmm, back to serving my own table, hair were found in the food! follow up next was fly found in the coke, which was too dark to be notice by me! however the guest, go straight to telling the black jacket(ace), not to me(maybe they know that i was a part timer?). Actually i enjoy serving them, their appreciation towards the service, although we were paid to serve, they did not too us for granted like others(those act like tai tai, da shao ye). What stunted me most was the guy who suddenly dragged me to a corner and gave me 5 bucks and just walk away, i was like(there wasn't such a need, as it was my duty to provide service, i was paid to do that.)

16th May '06
md: cloudy

- did not learn the main objective for today's lesson, due to work the night b4
- did not perform up to expectation for UT
- went out with GWP family, for dinner and K box
- did not able to hand up the student evaluation, quiz and RJ (today's daily grade gone, needa work extra harder for the rest)

nth

md:-

- really sorry for not going out with the GWP familY pai sei pai sei...
- ytd was the most cork up funtion, some accidentally pour wine on the biggest guest, some kanna complain, me accidentally spill champange container on grass ... haiz .. (why was it my fault? i am only a part timer, i collect it under order, it not according to my will... jus don get it... y didn u talk to the black jacket ? wth... 4 ppl collecting them, am i kanna those shit... to collect(order from manager) or not to collect(order from swiss ambassor's wife) ? i noe it's rude to collect while the guest is sitting... but was i given a choice?
- 4th mth (want her to be the most xin fu ger in the world hehe)

judo 27/04

judo 27/04
Md: =)

Respect them in Judo
:sensei steven chee
:sensei kong
:sensei koseiki
:sensei Faizal

-Learn 5 sarcrificial throws
-injured little toe and knee
- INTEResting judo

tired ? or fun ?

tired ?or fun ?
md:breezY

wow, today outside catering @ Swiss embassy residential, with jess and ramlan, then heard alot about the upper management, 'makan' money ... act hardworking... taking over the PIC's job etc... then returning back, we even act like some of those upper level, the way they talk, the things behind they do, the way they work , i noe it's kinda evil but it's fun ! in summarY it's kinda of integrity and politics stuffs.
After work went eating with par cun and ramlan, then went 'amazing race' - the search for an unknown bus stop LOL... from far east to bukit timah int then ard the town center which is JIN bukit MERAH then walking ard till somewhere near henderson and lower delta !! to search for the bus stop which has 852 not knowing that it's located @ UPPER bukit timah OMG ! haha, then think of solution, take to the YS int and change ? nah, try luck walk ard again, then found 855 which have a similar destination as 852!! SO LUCKy but then reached too early, somemore there's nth ard there, then take further down saw mac sit down and reach and wait for time to pass, haixz unlucky things haven end yet, while taking back to the bus stop, i miss IT!! argh somemore miss till i blur cos night .. wah BTH!~~~ grwwW lucky when taking back, manage to reach b4 ger... pheW ... hope she will like the prizzies =) happy 3rd mth

I WAN TO COMPLAIN!!
: haha ... first thing first RP judo: someone rised that for year 1 joining in members hav to pay $10 per mth, 5 for club and 5 to jun yi(the 'coach'). i was wondering, do u think u are u enuff for others to hired u as a coach ? the way u does things? i find alot others out there doing alot better then u, if u are here to learn, fine we give u a chance to teach, but things wasnt gg the way( the way u think) AND who will wanna join ? if u were to pay 10 bucks every month ? i wln for a training and training ground like that, everything wasnt setted up properly, no proper katas, no proper set of things to learn, everything u teach just for IVP ?compeitions ? have u forgotten the meaning of judo? it's okie to modify for better uses, but DO U THINK OUR BASIC IS THERE ???!! no basic and u are talking about flying... there's no proper exposure to traditional judo techniques(throws) how u expect us to think, to choose a techniques that best suit us ? what about those who wanted to learn about the art of judo ? this 10 bucks things will make this IG a money minded IG ? i mean IG purpose is to gather, to have fun, to learn, to interact, AND NOT FOR$$$!!and

second: recruiting target setted by JY 100 -_-", 100 ? enuff space anot!? plz be more pratical ! don keep thinking about $$, even 20 we might not hav space!!

third NPCC, since mr seong stepped down, things seem to becoming inactive, we(siew ern and me) wasnt inform abt anything(any parade, etc), everything we have to get to know through the cadets... haizZz really hoping to make a POP for this SY '05/'06 NCOs, also a handing over ceremony, which might motivate those little ones in doing things =)

what have been happening ? haizZ ... am i wrong ? nah , this is ME !

04-05 mar'06 md: sunnY
juS change the paper of mine and also edit some boxY in the blog wah spend hours to do those stuffs, well jus not born to be good at those=P hmm... as time passes things changes, more things comes into our's storY, memories faded, jus like pictures getting smaller, leaving behind the impt memo in ur life, everythings end with a full stop, jus like life too ...

woaH! canT helP falliNg in love in SWIMMING!! enjoy tues's LS training, learn alot=D
'there's always alternatives towards a problem just like different ways towards curing illness' =)

happy birthday to KL & joey(PL0103) on 4/4'06 & 5/4'06
soon to come birthdays
stella mama 14/04
BIG bro 13/04
butTy gg overseas soon in few hrs , b3st wishes =)

md: -

wow, have been raining the past few days, but is those 'short short' type de...

some people are thought to be evil,
some people are thought to be kind,
can i say that everyone have the kind side of them?
also the evil side of ur's ?

u say that he's good,
she say that he's bad,
so who to belive?

eyes are meant to see,
ears are meant to listen,
'heart' are meant to feel...
judge it urself...
choose the people u wanted to have in your story,
in the story where the important are noted,
be the one that have being written in other's story...
be someone who make others smile...
be one who mould other's into a better person...

=) life isn't that bad
:k6i

ever question urself why?
md:sunnY ?

ever question about why do you wanted to do something, achieve something? haha, suddenly i asked a question to myself, y do i wanted to save life in the future ? how will that benefit others ? what about those evil people ? those people who don want to live anymore? To live another day is an beautiful, as u might realise or experience things around u, the people, the things, the nature, they are wonderful=) Y save? i think that everyone shld be given another chances to do something they wanted to do, to talk, to care, to touch the lifes ard. of cos nothing is forever, but wouldnt it be great if everyone is able to leave peacefully without regrets ? how do u feel when u wanted to do something but u are unable to?
ytd took cab home with Po tiong, haha discussed about JJ, he have changed alot in his character, too cocky? he changed because of a girl ... is that worth? is it fair to others around u? well that question only he himself can answer that (it's his life). then PT got off, the taxi driver chat with me, saying that nowadays people are turn more and more materialistic, well i do agree about that, look around you, how many people will actually put kindness(ties) or the heart to care in front of $$ ? how many people will actually willing to work as a social worker ? how many will actually accept a lower paid job then a higher paid job ?people that care, people that cant be bother, people that care becos of something , people who don noe how to care, come and go, leaving those who really treasure you ard, they stay with u becos they care about ur existence, becos u r there for them, becos u r that impt to them. but how will u care about people who really important to u in your life? keep it in the dark ? tell them openly ? or show it out ? wonder wonder wonder.... .... ...
unable to project my voice losen my confidence as a CI, i mean, who will really accept someone who unable to show good communication as a leader? who will actually respect someone who always speak so softly and not loudly? i noe the skills but how can i improve others? always not a good teacher... haiz sick and tired for being a CI, back in EV for judo, saw my npcc junior, i really hope to go back and serve that unit(which was the main aim of becoming a CI), but fate play me out ? i was posted to another sch? well it's life... saw jas mei and gang hanging around the canteen after judo... haha their looks changed...
'living life with a purpose, it's life'

21st mar'06

21st mar'06
Md: sunnY

today manage to swim better in lifesaving training !! those senior class are going for Bronze medalion nxt week... woah best luck for them=) if passed liao can become a lifeguard... nxt thing nxt of the day: I maintianed my 3.4 GPA:
Basic Sciences II B
Cognitive Processes and Problem Solving II B+
Computing and Mathematical Methods II B+
Contemporary Issues in Culture & Aesthetics B+
Enterprise Skills II B+

Although didn meet 3.6 from what i setted in the start of the sem, but at least did not 'deproved' haha, nxt sem mus pull lotsa petrol to get 3.8 then get into the roll of honour, then can get scholarship = ease finacial burden !! haha
'as time passed, the dark clouds will also be drift away=)' nothing is permement

inter tertiary '06

Inter tertiary '06
md: cloudy

Does weight really matter in judo, does strength plays a great part in throwing? morning weighting in, omg i am only 55 kg while my opponent was 72, pack with muscles, compact size, whao ! haiZz chances of winning seem so dim then... he won me with and osoto gari makikomi, hmm, mayb i was too k chong or scare ba, didn noe what to do in such a compeition, i he was really good, i saulate =) well things then were spread ard that some people were not playing the belt catergory they should hav played, 'the self demote declaration form' lol. but who cares? it's the xp that matter most. then while watching other matches, i realise i missed out something in my tatic, 'explosive'. one of the most important component in compeitions for winning in judo. 'timing' another impt component, when u got it, u win, u missed it, u 'll either get a counter, or continue with another attack. jus keep on trying with your brains on.
then team event, losed to another heavy weight guy through ground work, but thanks to him, i found my own judo,compeition not that scary play your own style enjoy it.
weight doesn't matter at all!! but strenght does play a big part in breaking balances.
-more weight training
- tai otoshi, ouchi gari, osoto gari, hari goshi, tani otoshi
-EAT EAT EAT !!
- jus on judo ? no more npcc?
- train be dare to strike (explosive)
-create the ku jushi and not wait for it

haha not forgetting to congrats ning ning, gab and raft in winning 2 3rd runner up and 1 2nd runner up in white to yellow open cat, white to yellow under 75 and above 75 =) cheers first medels for RP's first match =) u rocks guy... for others, we did done well but others were stronger, so we'll have to train harder ! yeah ... haha

1303'06

md:hmmm ....

today, working all the while wah!! first time becoming bar man so shiok =)know more things from velu, learn alot of things, thanks Jessica(my captain) for teaching me and giving me the chance... it's fun to learn and experience new things... 'man with great ego?' mayb ... guess i need to learn how to do things slowly (calmly)... time to sleep working tomorrow morning at 8 left 3 hrs of slp ... wah!!

an end to sem 2 Y1

28/2 - 10/3 '06
Md: -

Sem 2 come to an end, missing some of my friends in the class, those who i usually hang out with in sch(eat together, outing, taking photos, crapping and achieving better grades), thanks for bringing joys to me in this sem, or else life in sch might be jus too boring=) thanks for everythings... haha now what ? it's HOLIDAY till mid april !! muhahahha, packed for working, judo, lifesaving, my dearY and some findings in my curiousity hehehe ... oh ya mayb also preparation for G902 PPM(so can take up more electives learn more things, hope so). loves my mum, my siblings, my dearY, buttY, my buddys, my friends, my teachers ... life will not be the same without them=) hmm, judo inter tertiary coming up nxt on 19th march, wow !! so near, somemore i am far from good, sure died, haizZ, nvm la just treat it as a experiences, winning is not the most important ma, compeitions is to display and sharing of skills between others? needa hav more weight training and swim more or else life gonna be difficult LOL..
'the sky is always the limit'

Fated?

Cant it just be a little bit better?
Md: cloudY

whY? everytime the tuition fees from RP comes always gives me BIG worries... Y ? simply becos i have an irresponsible father who didn take up the responsibility in taking care of our life, our neccessity, my mother who's CPF have been used up as to pay for my elder brothers poly and have been working so hard to support us... i feel useless when i have to rely on my mum to pay for my school fees, why am i unable to support myself ? sometimes wondering, am i spending time wisely ? i am not a rich man son, neither a person who have resposible father. was the birth of my a fault? was my existence unecssary? sometimes just wondering who am i and what am i doing ... too tired ...
i feel sad... for not doing things better, for not achieving better grades myself... it's time to give up somethings in life.. .

road to life again?

2602'06

some days before, i asked myself what have i been doing all this while,what i want to achieves, what can i do to benefit the society in the future, what should i do to provide a better future for my loves ones. am i thinking too much ? mayBe after watch the story of a unfortunate ger, who is good at everything and one day because of her sickness, she have to give up alot of things, to dream ... time is precious ... to live is fortunate, to have the ability is fortunate, having what you have now is lucky... cos there are always ppl who live in the darkness, heading no where to the future ... is the heaven unfair? is there something controlling what we are now? what we have now?because of that fate existed...

people regrets, always hoping for a time machines that can bring them back to the past... one day anyone will died, peacefully or otherwise...
For the future to saves live, i want to become a med tech...
To protect, i learn judo, lifesaving
working for a better life ? to achieve more ?
can the world have more time? can time machines existed, so that people know how to make the best uses ofthe time ?
NO... the world have 365 days/ year, 24 hrs per days .... ...
' am i heading towards where i want to ?'

it's the new phone !!

md: =o

today left hse at 6am for sch, as i didn study for the UT, so went to sch earlier to study, woah things were different when i taking the train, the people, the sky, the feeling. The science UT today was basically testing our sec sch learnings, but it's very time consuming, only 1 ques was related to what we studied. After 1st meetin, i left sch, for npcc, at least see them for the last campcraft compeition training, be there for them ?saw improvement, i felt happy internally, thanks mr seong alot for providing them with the mantality and constant reminder to them, if there's only my myself, i guess we are still halfway there. hmm, therefore sarcrificed my daily grade for today but think it will be okay, as for G102 i got A and B for daily so there's no need to cover up for Cs and Ds, hope P15 and P16 will get A.
I find my mentality during dropped week by week, focus wasn't there. So for the next few weeks i will stop NPCC for judo, FOCUS JUDO !! hope can improve and be the best for the opponents, hope to win something, so that the chances of getting proper tatami mats will be higher in school.
Something to learn in life: things gets more complicated when growing up, the outside world wasn't that simple as u see, u only see one side of it how about many others? i use to only belive in my own view, what i see, how ppl treat me, but things seem complicated when u know ppl's view towards certain things, u choose not to belive it but that seem like sticking in u unconscieniously.
Brought a new phone, K700i, wantedto buy 750i but too ex, only can afford 700i, thanks both of my brothers taking out their time in accompanying my to get the phone.

' so many things to be done, yet i keep forgetting them ... '

it's a sunday

md: sunny

-out with GWP jies
- saw buttY @ orchard =)
-thanks dearY for the cookies =)

'life, a road that full of unexpected...'
1202'06 2323

gain and loss?

md: cloudy ...

- wat's my life about? wat do i really want? i dn hav enuff time to commit to so many activities, i felt tired ...
-i have nv understand somthing which is call 'gain and losses', to gain weight? too much training? weight or training ? balancing ? haizZz ...
-sometimes i was thinking... shld i giv up on npcc? i really don like to be a 'leader' i simply hate ordering others ard, as i was unable to prove something in life, 'the different view ard'
- this week was a really bad bad week for me, i was unable to give my fullness in my trainings
- i am really looking down on myself?
- valentine day is getting nearer... somethings special for the special her =)

: 2336 0902'06

A brand new year in Goodwood Park

A brand new year in Goodwood Park
m: sunny

Wow.. spended my new year celebration working in goodwood park serving people who has paid five hundred bucks per person to come for the counting down new year celebration @ good wood park hotel new windson ballroom ... hmmm serve a hyflux vice president.. seem to know alot about appreciating wine ..haha offended him while serving a bun .. but before he went off he actually shaked hands with me!! oOoo unbelivable... someone who is so high up there... jus like idols and fans ... thanks twins for my birthday shirt present =) ' according to history... everyman have chances to success.. so which way did u went to ?;

Digital camera!!

digital camera
m: multiple changes ...

wow brought a digital cam at PS today with my sis and her bf haha!! hmm... 350 xia!! my sis paid 50 ... i pay the remainding haha.. but nvm, tmr my bros paying some of the share LOL... gdgd, not that xiong afterall ... hmm then to judo at katong.. hmm some things that i supect actually turn to a fact-_-" hmm i thought those suspect was that i think too much but it wasn't so... things actually happen where i nv expect it to be truth... friendship ... relationship ... they are fragile...
So far i hav met/saw 5 kinda relationship ba, the possive, lonely,compeitive, freedom, consideration type hmm might be too harsh but i don noe how to put it in other words... think there's somemore ba... possive type was those who are selfish and always thinking that she/he only belong to he/her self ... not to others , if the partner give in... lotsa unnessary sacrifices will be make..family, friendship might be wreck .. next the l type .. hmm... they get into relationship for the sake of it, just asking for companion, having assurance by having the name 'steady' there, sometimes willing to give in everything just to keep a broken ship going... competitive type, those who want to go steady with someone for the sake that she/he is pretty and handsome, being court by many, having the mind set that winning her/him is proving that he/she is more capable then others, this kind is usually short lasting... as there's always someone appear more prettier/handsome ...hmm freedom ? people who usual belive in fate of love, chemistry between two, it might be short but also long lasting, this depend on how both work it out, letting nature take it course, beliving that things change as time passes.. consideration type, opposite of possive they alway think about her/him if making a move(going out...), they are good but just that they think too much, they tend to belive what they foresee is true, what they think is true, therefore hesitate, which resulted to he/her think that they guy/ger doesn't seem to care anymore having the facts that they do ... beliving in giving freedom, alway think about the consequense... things didn work out ... still ended with misunderstanding...things needa change... me too ..
back to training... losing lotsa morale today... i think too much about my weight.. losing much of my strength too... i doesn't seem as active as the past ... seem like the lose in vitality ... no life again ? omG!! haiz ... having the mindset of will i able to made it for ivp? sensei koseiki told me how to gain weight ... drinking protein in the morning, don eat sweet stuffs, more chicken ... lolz thanks .=). took pic with LH, sensei koseiki and vincent ... lol with my new cam .. muhahha !! cooking pasta late at night, craving for it... super late dinner ...
not forgetting a big THANK YOU to zY the butt of mine for ya spiderman !! =) thanks i like this present =)

it's a SPECIAL day 2 me!!

a special day of mine!!
m: sunshine

although early in the morning went to work(saw pris on the MRT!!=) ) , facing a attitude but funny customer.. then hav extended working hours from 1800 till 1900 ... ate the remainder of the buffet left by the guests.. yummY !! but then stomachache sometime later ... haha... have a simple celebration for me by my da ger and da jies from GWP hotel !! M, X hui, LT ... first time spending birthday with friends... went eating pasta mania and then singing!! first time singing in karaoke =) heeZz thanks for everythings guySs =) haha.. also saw jas mei at cine there, haha she shout happy birthday to me haha lol... thanks=) oh YA not forgetting a special twin of mine !! having the same birthday as me ... hahaz exactly 1 year younger then me wor!! we were like asking for each other prezzie from one another.. haha don worry on the 31st u will get ur's ... LOL... 1st to greet me this year was my buddies from WGP!! also the 'twin' of mine lol... then from cindy, ug, gabe, micheal, mayfen, stella lao ma, lenna, JY and hider.... more to go !! NOT forgetting the special butt of mine ZY!!! =) it's the thoughts that u guys rem and take the effort to wish me=) and some which celebrate with me!! touched ... haha receive presents from RP judo, sis heeZz an special year of mine ... i hav grown ... felt the diff in life , in the world experience a bad side of mine myself... the days, experiences ....
'with them ard ... i will be able to stand firmly on the ground'
'admire someone, wanting to be with them.... but it's diff from being with them... it might not be that perfect as u thought he or she is, he/she/i might not be able to provide the needs from he/she/me... reality is diff from what u thought...not really.. it takes time to stand up from a fall, it takes time to heal... IT TAKE TIME TO LEARN... and it take time to be ready... i am not ready for those relationship thingy i guess... i have too much commitment in other things... if i have one i will have the one who understand me, my thoughts, the inner of me but in this world i doubt so.. only few.. but things just turn out to be too late... cos the past is the story, might be his, her or my ... the present is doesn't allow things to turn back ... only allowing things to happen ...
stars = those who mean alot to me, special to me ....
tmr... having lunch with my lao jiao ci cindy and HO garfield lol and dinner with uncle dad, family ... my dad? he doesn't seem to care... not even a word... back to the past where my dad don exist in my life ? a dad = no father ?

a major turning in life

a major turning in my life
22/12/2005


the one who lead
the one who teach

buddism, christianity

plz plz i am confuse ...
Over the years in my life, i have been learning and following the teaching of buddism...all in the sudden with a rise of hand and i became a christian? my sub conscious did that... the within me... which made me blur too...renewal centre ... Is that the religion that suit me the most ? for what i am? just like mr seong did(finding the suitable religion?),like having the a strong sense of belonging to the earth ? the mother nature?
I always belive that buddha, gods, juesus are heros, they did incredible things to mankind, savlage, teaching ... now above everything there's god, one who created mankind? beliving in these solves lots of questions i alway ponder ever since the past, how was the earth form, how was the very first human form?beliving in the existence wanting to know more ..
can i be a free thinker who belives in all religion ?
for whatever ... whoever...
just be who i am... my ideal character of me myself !! yeah!!
-determination
-responsible
-selfless
- free from greed, anger and ignorance
THE wise man ... LOLZ jkjk
reminder to myself...!!
goals to achieves ..
in life ...
-save lifes
short term
-win judo IVP!!
-3.6 GPA for sem 2 !
-becoming a life guard

another stage of life

another stage of life
:unknown

3rd - 14th dec
Sch holiday
: NPCC (NCO training camp)
: OBS 9'days
: life saving training

NPCC camp 02 days
: late in the morning due to sleeping too late the night before , busy preparing the presentation for those lecture. A good teacher? i guess i am not. for 2 days giving lecture continuously. it's hard, unable to keep my spirit up.sometimes just felt that i am not doing a good job as a CI, have those knowledge passed down to those cadets? how am i going to enforce it? how to become a good teacher? how to become a good leader? how to become a good CI ? tired. sometimes just thinking that why am i still serving in NPCC, moreover it's not my own sec sch but other. Y? thinking back, i become a CI to repay what my sec sch have given me, a sign of gratitude from my CIs that have mould me, making the unit grow. but now serving other unit. a sign of gratitude from the NPCC itself? i have other dreams to fufill, other goals to achieve, but why am i doing all this?

OBS 09 days
: a room of unknown to a group of hi bye friends .. now i got the meaning of hi bye friends. Friendship, which doesn't seem to be exist to some.

day 01
- ice breaking, logistic stuffs, evening PT (2.4)
all unfimilar faces, only know some ppl from the ALC. i change to be selfish ? evening time run 2.4 wow! long time din run .. fun!brought 2 shoes one too small ... instructor: belinder!! and hiap lun
02
- PT, high element, logistic, PT(4.8), tent pitching ...
PT the running of 2.4 with timing taken, i came in the 3rd of all, the timing was very lousy, 13.32, but the ber say tat all timing was slower compare when running in school becos of the terrain, up and down and muddy, the first JW has a timing of 10.3 plus i guess lolz he damn pro chiong all the way, sprint all lehz !! haha then 2nd was N 5 sec before me ... high element, i climb to the greatest !! at a look it seem easy to achieve but after taken the first step the fear came in. achieving the greatest height with my partner YR, thanks for her for not giving up with me !! lol... pulling you up is my responsibility as a team, cos we have to achieve together as a team=) PT running 4.8 Km, running as a whole watch, hmm rather slow for me, end up running behind encouraging others with JW.
03
-PT, mini kayaking expeitition, PT (6)
morning PT, 2.4 personal timing again. no strength to run xia... again came in 3rd, the first was the same but the second was a girl !! hahaz i lose to her but few second, she was great, basketball women, MVP somemore, no wonder, lotsa determination could be seen in her. thanks to her, my timing improve by a few second 10.25 lol! mini kaya xp, my partner was S hmm, quite fun, everything was great, then became the port side of the formation. Evening PT 6 Km run ... lol, doing the same thing again, running behind encouraging others. doesn't felt tired at all..
04
-land xp
land xp around ubin, went to the highest point of ubin and german girl shine. learn about the history of those. helping others but will they know? will they show gratitude to what u have done? NO!!! sianzation, people just take things for granted
05
-solo camp out
all alone in the forest, having the commando mosquitoes as companion and a spooky chair. thinking of the past, those people who have taught me important values.
06,07,08
-sea xp, 9k run
sea xp, the reveal of the bad side of me during the part of towing when channel crossing... i was totally drained out..felt angry about my weakness(body size), felt helpless...some people around does care... portside, in my point of view: to be the first to show the marking, also to be the last to show the marking. choinging up and slowing down with no more momentem ...
9k run, just after the finishing of the sea xp...at first targeted 45 min to complete it. however halfway there, felt the foods i eaten during lunch comig up, feel like vomitting, wearing a shoes that is too small for me, hard to continue manz!! continue till the turining back part, walk all the way back haha ... slack .. only a few people overtake me, lesser then i expected, came in 7th
09
-confidence jumping
everything come to an end. with a final sharing of the highest point and lowest point of the camp also what u have learn. highest point , the achieving of high element? lowest point, sea xp? what i have learn ' be the nobody where everybody thought somebody will do it but nobody did it' ' don thinki things that way, then it is not that way, just do it .. ' and finally a word i have learn, Understanding ...

Life saving
went to lifesaving lesson after the 9 days camp... worn out manz!... but learn alot about life from richard, 'things get complicated as u grow ... not avioding it but learn how to manage it.'

' how i wish life is just as simple as i thought ...'

sensitive religion

religion matters
w: typical

Wow!! learn alot from mr seong about christianity teaching, as i wonder about evolution theory, how was human first created? by chances of micro organisim ?or simply because god create him? thinking about it, if it is form by the chances of micro organisms, then how did micro organisms first created? then how was earth first created? even till how were the universe created? why did big bang occured? from 1 questions, to 10, till even hundred or million? who was able to answer it? the scientific theory? or just simply one answer, 'god created everything?' hmmm, i find so much similarities to this teacher/officer of mine, he's also a capricon! ahahz means that he's birth date is near to mine? he has a v strong beliefs in doing things, wanting to benefit mankind? ... moving on to the histories of jews, islam and christian, till even protest and catholic the differences and similarities, but was still unable to find the link between buddishism and christian, why i want to find the link about them? cos i find that in both of this religion,people are good. however, i always belives in their teachings but not till the extent of obcess by it, i belive in freeedom and own will, that's me. i belives that religion is something which gives u the power in doing things when u belive in it,they give u confidence, determination. teachers around me, my judo sensei s, npcc officer.. they are successful in life, and they are christian, y ? strong beliefs ? i hope to find the answer one day?

' they exist before, do they exist now?'

091105

091105
m:breezy

-a hope that leading me towards my dream
-loss of breathing skill = no stamina
-good lucks for all taking o eng tmr =)

bad throat days!!

31/10
m: sunnY =)

wah sick!! i cant talk .. don noe what happen to my voice loss in the sudden, now i got problem speak, almost the same as a dumb person.. sianZz i want to talk!!wah cant talk during presentation, cant express myself through words!! damM!! holY coW~~MoooOooo ytd was a great day with zy, this buddy always brighten up my life.. hmm, nvm things will get fine soon. grow up !! wake up!! wah.. must chiong more work , earn more money then mum has less burden, also mus study hard !! and continue my way towards my dreams,tired? rest enough le, the crake? let go liao(thanks to alot people ard me) and once again i am standing firm on my feets.Flung 4 out 5 of my understanding tests, the next coming one mus study hard!!A! there's ppl who look down on me( i will prove to u guys that i am stronger), also people who hav being suppoting my soul lol.. yeah !! tomorrow sch holiday.. GOT LIFE SAVING SESSION tomorrow, i am going to swim more tomorrow and get stronger physically and mentally!!
MY short term goals
- get more As!!
-more understanding about biology
-improve in JUDO tacnic!!
-improve in my swimming skill!!

'beliving in myself, in my own ability, soon i shall prove something to the world with my determination!!' 'saving lifes in the future'

zhang zhi cheng - kuai le (nice song)thanks

25102005

25102005

-think too much abt her
-flung my U test for communication 21/10(pass up a almost blank paper, no mood useless )
-looking into a clearer picture of it (i was wrong)
-everything was not impt, feel like knowing ur feeling about me, for me to choose my path in life...
-saw LScoach after his major operation, i feel sad for him, he undergo what i hav gone through but his is more painful, cos i op when i was young, i rem nth, but him rem the fear...
-'u willing to teach me, i will to learn' ' u willling to coach me, i am willing to train'
-looking forward tomorrow, a better day
-tell myself 'if i live tomorrow, i wan to care for those who care for me, move towards i dreaming for, live with a smiles ard me... cos i am lucky, since i am given this day, i shall not waste it...i nv wan to dream of that my tomorrow might not come.. '

the two side

19102005

raining heavily

break le

injured neck..

181005

181005
: dark cloud over the sun

-RP
-Today's A102 was interesting
- lifesaving( loner)
- SAS poster design
- UT prep

today's school, i felt fufillful as i really so into the understanding of the hybridisation!! i finally understand it!! hohoho.. hmm then went to life saving which no one turn out for the extra training, even the one who ask me to go... so disapointed...swim myself lolz.. omg !! guess wat? i met a gay!! shitty ! when i was resting at the pool side he talk to me, what's more was he stalked me even ask me for dinner... HOLY COW~~~ hmm then went onto train, lucky sitting beside me was ger xia .. phew ... linz's moody... why ? i don noe ... wat can i do to make u happy?

141005

141005
>dark cloud hanging over the sky

-slack at home
-night cycling with j and tiong

don feel like doing anything, therefore i did nth, think nth, all i did was sleeping, stoning ... no life, cant figure out...

holy cow~~

131005
still air, motionless

-RP
-Rp judo
-mac with choon hong

Sianzation !! hmmm, today, in a team that TBDN ( talk but do nth) ... hmmm, ate nasi bryani before training, shiok manz.. filling up my hungary stomach. Today's judo, uji komi 1 set 20, moving uji komi, moving kata randori, physical games, randori and finally na waza randori.. hmm.. not that siong after all, maybe i was too slack in training ? i want to improve, but it seems that i was stuck at the level, unable to find ways up... sometimes i really felt that we were living in our own world, i don't understand you, neither do u understand me, i hope that i can read your mind but i cant... i wonder... tell me how ? hmm ... linz 'really hope to see you happy again'... i felt tired and useless... ' seeing ur's smiles brights my sky up', ' in this world, when/how many will one find someone that understand him/her? the star that belongs ?'

120905

120905
m: bright sun shinning down the clear blue sky

-RP
-Kjudo
-met ZY

hahazZ, started with a sleepy morning, dragging my way to school. Today's team was fun!! hahaz, the more talkative team i ever met so far in my new class... we were crapping !! hohoho.. LOL stupid SH mistook my 'sis' as my gf, lolz as always, she's baka ... jkjk.. next judo training, wah!! siong lehz, so much physical.. hahaz, but i like it... chiong chiong chiong, finally a siong training... hahaz i am going to improve!! cos i have good teachers, and good partners.. ! hmm, met ZY today, pass her the water bag.. hahaz nth changes in her.. hmm linz still worring about her result, what can i do ? if she worry = moody = unhappy = affect ME ... haizZ, hey i having a start in drving towards my dreams!! good results, excel in judo !! " when i belives, i will be there " - k6i

111005

111005
back to the past
m: cloudy

-RP
-President at RP
-visiting lifesaving instructor (CGH)

Today, a intresting lesson i had, finally, a facilitator that teaches, she tried to clear my doubts about obital electrons which was something not needed for this lesson, although she was unsuccessful in clearing my doubts, but she earn my respect from my heart. Thanks for not giving up, it's probably that i am too slow in understand things. Then after lesson, follow the lifesaving IG to welcome the president. Then slack in the library till the night as we have to wait for james for his floorball compeition and then we went to CGH to visit richard( our lifesaving coach) as he just has an operation to remove the don noe wat thing in his don noe wat organ. hahaz , cant remember.seeing him like that make me think that i am lucky compared to him, although i has 3 operation in my life, but i don have any memories about it, i cant emember anything about the operation, nothing at all, probably because it was done when i was young. This also reminds me that i am not that healthy compare to others, confidence level drop, the limit i can stretch might not be as far to others physically. hmm, today linz took her maths and sciences paper, she thinks that she did badly for it, but such things as long as u has tried your best can le , the rest i think still have to rely it on fate/luck. Looking back, i gone the hard way through, eversince i posted to eastview, my life seem to be decided. from primary to secondary, then wanting to take bio ended up taking art(i finally manage to pass my english but failed my maths), from then onwards, i understand that as long as u have tried your best, you should be happy over it, everythings i do, i tried my best, yes i failed once, twices, even thrice, or more, yes i failed, but i wldn regret, i understand more about how to achieves it. Even posted to art class, i didn give up(as i think that will be the worse thing can happen in life- giving up in urself) , i was unsatisfied with the posting , why am i posted to the last class? although posted to last class, i always tried to top in the class, keeping myself compeitive with other classes( although i might mean nth to them) but at least i tried, there i go, ended up in republic poly, if i have give up , i sld be in ite by now or even becoming a useless person. ' although might not achieve, at least i tried, leaving no regrets behind' i hope linz could understand this, sometimes, somethings might not just the way u wanted to, there might be more efforts needed, might be more thoughts needed...since we are still breathing, let's continue the journey and not stopping here and ponder over it 'leaving those footsteps behind, and not just the thought of stepping over it' originated by k6i ...

091005

091005
m:breezy

-slack home
-work shilin

Today? slack the half day home, ytd night used the whole night to do the camp proposer, sianz... NO LIFE.. haha.. hmm last day at shilin.. BYE guys, take care!! home- dark sauce egg fry rice by ME.. not bad after all.. wow, my brother brought protein power, amazing, but it taste suckY .. dad give me $50 for allowance, suprised, cos he don does that in the past.. hmm hope to see linz on wed...'life have to goes on as things gonna changes' - k6i

071005

071005
m:v cloudy

-RP
-discussion abt camp
-meet JJ

Today's team, is good, better then the past few days, everyone doing something. nth much to say. tired. met cin for discussion abt dec nco camp, broke her thumbdrive, brought a new one. sianz, unexpected expenses. I don like things that is complicated, just like nowadays with the new wci just joined, hmmm things seem to get complicated.haiz my 1st week grade seem to be dissapointing , suffering from depression LOL. no la .. now i just want my life with Judo and study, and work. I guess i will stop going to NP after the campcraft compeition. v tired so many things to do. 'i hope to accompany u till the day we walk till the edge of the earth' linz
i feel like killing !! don noe why v sian, cos of npcc, make me so sian. 'things are complicated until u understand it, they become simple'

061005

061005

-RP
-RP Judo

Fun day!! hahaz CH came for judo training !! muhaha , didnt go for astro... guess i quitting soon ? hmm haven made up my mind. what tactic shld i focus in judo ? anyway guess what i saw my future!! hahah An 5 years degree from NTU, biological science , combination of the studies of chinese and western medicne !! so motivated to study 'At the end of the 5 years, successful students will receive two degrees, a B.Sc. (Hons.) in Biomedical Sciences and a B.Med. in Chinese Medicine.' Wa!! cOol!! biomedical sci NTU... haha, save save ... lol.. they also accept my dipolma !! i have a chance.. ' saw it!! path it- reach it'

011005

011005
fridaY
m:breezy

-WGP
-edit edit edit psn

Lame and tiring day ...

RESULTS AND CLASS IS OUT!!
result, 4B+ and 1B(satisfy, hehe, reaching for higher!! I AM GREEDY) , sem 2 target = 5B+
class, PS0105 (yeaH!! no more mountain climbing early in the morning !!)

current schdule
mon-RP, WSL
Tues-RP, RPLifeSaving
Wed- RP, KJudo
Thurs- RP, RPJudo, RPAstro
Fri- RP, (WGP)
Sat- NPCC,(WGP or KJudo)
Sun- WSL

=sianz, some life
stress lehz, almost suffocated... should i quit my work in shilin ?I WANT TO QUIT MANz!! thinking thinking thinking
Reduce commitment ... damn it
Didn bother goin to the bbq, tired ...
happy birthday to HL ...
hope linz will see a doctor, and be happy...

290905

290905
m: cloudy

-RPJ

Had a terrible dream last night, dreamt of someone impt to me left me in the sudden.. the dream make me thought of it the whole day round. wakeY late, late for judo training.. my throws sucks!! i cant excute properly.. kata randori partner with raft, cant throw him properly becos of my stupid leg.. then follow by demo, learn kata guruma but still unable to excute it properly.. then tamoe naga.. Then when to collect shirt.. took 33 from queenway to bedok, didn bother to change to mrt, 1.5 hrs trip, lotsa thoughts went through my mind...a thoughts of k6i.. 'i exist here because of fate'.... finally finishing the disc ...

280905

280905
w:breezy
m: cloudy

- katong judo

linz is unhappy today, so as i... hmm guess she's stress about exams, going into the bioclass, and over the stuffs happening in her family ? I cant guess what's on her mind ... gers thought are so deep... today's judo lesson was interesting!! combination tatics !! from , ko ouchi gari to osoto gari, osoto gari to uchi mata then the breaking of stiff hold- main the pull and the push in wrist follow by any tatics, still trying out the comb of ko ouchi gari to uchi mata.. 'got confidence for ivp ??' my answer to her no ... i havent reach the standard... 'find and play your style of judo!' - sensei ...

k6i 2409

another typical daY of k6i
W:biG biG suN hanging in the skY
M:aku tatawu

NPCC meeting: with 2 wcis of GV (for dec camp)
Katong Judo
Work (GWPH)

today ??? ANOTHER BORING DAY!!! yeaH!! saw linz , but she look so 'not okie' , hmm injured so long le, but still didn bother to see a doc...haiZzzzzZZzz feel like dragging her to doc manZz.. tired today... 'tomorrow mayb my last day of work in shilin', ' quit ? still thinking' heY guess wat? today's funtion was a 50th wedding anniversery of a couple !! wow, 50 years lehz.. every time i see people marry, i felt happiness for them, hmmm so when will it be my turn??

1609

mY 1st Judo compeitition
m:=(
w:sunnY

Today, i am having the first judo compeitition in my judo life( old boys vs present), saw lotsa sch mates. Today competition's results turn out unexpectedly, heavy vs light, light win, don noe wat's HB doin ... not attacking at all, playing defensive... hmm, JT play real well in winning HB... linz won her match=) before that she was still worring that she cant win... I was always look down by others as usual... hahaz... my first judo match, i was defeated by JT within 10sec ... by low seoi toshi...which i tot was a wazari, refree gave a ippon... i was a step slower in grapperling , i failed to take control in the first place... 'there's always next time, the harder u fall the firmer u'll stand...' i belive in that... i LOSE as expected...luckily the team event overall win(thanks to vincent)... one of my friend told me that actually i could win, but it seem that i has fear in me... that's true ba, after she said that i realise it myself ... went out with linz, didn tok much.. sorry linz.. then linz told me about maybe her father knowing our relationship, as her sis saw her holding onto my bag outside sch... don noe wat will happen later, hope nth serious will happen..let nature take it's course 'my love for her has got stronger ... i don noe why ...the room of heart is getting smalller ..that's nature i guess?''i love her the way she is ' ... I must get serious now, 'try the keys i found in judo, mayb they might just works' ...feel like quiting as a CI, i feel tired every now and then... unlocking the myth... 'CONTROL, FOLLOW,EXCUTE' .. everyone out there, i gonna train hard cos i will win my next judo compeitition,'that's a promise to myself' !!

ready for it?

1509
w:sunnY
m:low

Today, meet linz, mark and malaysia for katong training, when for a haircut, look more fresh now ... wanting to buy gi from sensei but he doesn't have size 4 gi then have to rush home to getmy drying gi. Today, low morale but learn alot from song lin today about randori =) thanks alot bro!! 'u let me gain some morale' what's more today ?? hmm, i felt fortunate in my life, regardless of family, friends, my linz ,i got everythings the best ? yes!! to me it is!! I have got everthing best in the world, my experiences is what others cant get=) I felt support from my friends, felt some care from my family, concern from linz and that's enough for me le, i am happy about it , no more no life!! muhahahaz... but maybe one day, everythings will be gone... cos nothing last forever... just like PL0103, everything have to serparate, one day everyone will go seperate ways, ' u go ur heaven way, i go my wood bridge way' , not becos we wanted to seprate but it's fate , it's fate that bring we together as a class... so we should treasure every moment together, be it with yr family, friends or loves one =) muhahaz 'everything can be taken away expect those memories, the things written in mystory... they live in my mind... ' OPOP , out of point... back to topic, hmmm, judo competition - old boys vs present boys , training for it but was unable to excecute my tatics correctly during randori , hmmm must think how it's work !! think think think, fight(randori) for the sake of learning not winning ... why ppl pin hopes on me ? encouraging me ? but ... i still think that i am still inexperience... nvm la ... just do it!! nothing to lose, be it win or lose, experience of it is wat matter most, ppl out there listen up!! i will try my best !! that's a promise to u guys , linz and me, myself .. i may not win but i will become stronger !! muhahahz cos i am tian cai okiee dokie ? (linz injure again, KL oso injure her shoulder , hmm hope they'll heal soon =))

1309

1309
w:rainYzz
m: from enthu to no life

when to judo training @ RP, everything were fine till the final randori session, which made me wore out totally, continously fought s faizal, then s junyi , gabby, big ball, raft, micheal, then s faizal again,they are fresh while my energy level kept depleting continously... i = totally hopeless for friday i guess... unable to concentrate, kept using the same technic, brain jus stop working... didn went to lifesaving training, too tired, both physically and mentally... lost my permenent contact ytd , brought daily contact today, cos having some constraint to buy a monthly or yearly, needa buy gi, stuffs for ophir... going dry... no life la... ' win or lose? i will still try my best for it!! '

1209

1209
W: rainY
M: no life

hmm, what's life of mine about ? so tired to think about it, have been working for 4 days consectively some more got so many events, activties going on... Back to today, went for ophir training in sch, so tiring don feel like doing it, but i done it. then went to ev judo training(saw lotsa my goodie friends, sharil, mf, jas mei ...), looking at myself = low morale for friday's comp... then went working after sending linz hm... that's all about today.. Friday playing east view's old boys vs present boys, my first judo competion in my judo life, lose how? 'no confidence= half battle lose, jj told me that b4'need some morale booster(only my own action can boost it, nth else)!! lol hahaZz hope wldn let linz down...'win with beautiful and correct tactic' Past, i live my life for others, present, living for self, FOR the future i will live my life for both others and self !! gonna get a new gi this wed, else no time to wash gi . 'if there's one day this happen, don worry, i will understand it'

lifeless

10092005
0107 hrs
w: breezy

NOT ENOUGH SLEEP,
work from 1000 -2300
felt tired..
lose concentration ..
pour a glass of water accidentally on a guest..

linz is feeling better =)
new CI posted to GVSS, from siglap..
tomorrow, npcc drill compeition, 0800 at hai sing
work 1300 - 0000
'what will happen if tomorrow never come ?'
wore out totally...

09092005

09092005
W:sunnY/ slightly drizziling
T: 0402

Today, went to the NEW water plant in bedok(a ce activity by RP), then follow by life saving till 2plus , hmm, finally some time to rest, went straight home boom !! onto the bed. skip astronomy session. Went cycling with, SL, JJ, V, ZJ and GJ,unlucky day ?? hmm, guess so.. we went to ECP then went all the way to town/city area.Took photos with stamford raffles, PS, NAC... On the way there, SL buang, rolling breakfall off the bike, no serious injuries to him, while the bike brake spoil, but then later repaired with the help of an unknown biker, thanks anyway. On the way back to tamp, we fly all the ways, vroom...!! then way back, SL tire , burst, then JJ and SL take turns to carry the bike while i lobang GJ.Finally home!! Tomorrow still got work from 1000 - 0100, 15hrs tomorrow.. another tiring day ? nono sld put it in ' another fulfilling day !! 'haiz, linz injured her chest while having kata randori with ben, hmm, y did he play so rough on girls too ? he's a bully ? well, i must beat him totally in judo !! Hope linz will recover soon=) hmm, also thanks KL's for the disc given on tues =) like those songs v much. Focus- study, Judo.. OA- work, npcc .. the rest don care, cos too tired, sori abt the JP, guess i will be quiting astronomy soon, as i find the IG was abit too complicated( in politics?) , i don noe... All i want is a simple life, with my dreams .. and fulfilling them. 'Think think think, that's what keep a person improving'

strange things

today, a boring and weird day? okie... wakey then have a 'slibing gathering' hahaz, have a talk with my bros and sis during the lunch, topic was about my mum as she was strange after that incident, well my dad have become responsible le, but my mum ? i not sure ? things seem to be flip around... i am v tired !! then went to work, from 1500 - 2200, slacking ? hahaz today i drop chicken, foods and money abnormal ... then sam told me the stupid story of shaggy , lol then ended up i keep tinking of the name shaggy then got 2 customers order and asked my age, then i blur blur told them, somemore this customers were at the age of 13 or 14 nia .. wth blur until like that...NO LIFE LA, hahaz today got to know kl experiences in life lolz, intersting and similar to mine, after so long i met another person which share the similar interest with mine lolz, hard to find ppl who listen to songs which touch feeling de. tomorrow is another day... going east view judo, cos requested by linz, lolz seeing ya !! :' being a gf of mine must be a v tough things i guess...' cos i am guy who has lotsa commitments and unable to spend time for the special ones, sorry... ' guess i needa give up on some of my interest le, but judo and npcc will still remains. 'my passion is burning' , saturday is npcc drill compeition le, hope gv can make, ' winning is not everything, the process is what matter most..'

Gone

My heart has been moved, through external factors. what's that feeling about? it's like so strong without my control. love but how to express it ? LOL no life ... the grades in sch has disappointed me recently, just like a huge fall after climbing up. everything = restart... now must think how to handle things properly. Really tired, of the current lifestyle, my mind and body were so reluctant to think and do things, guess sooner or later, will not be attending some CCAs. hmm, found a new part time(waiter) in a hotel near the far east plaza. Getting more and more busy, needa have a better time management. ' comparing... i felt inferior'

NDP preview

NDP preview

Early in the moring went for NPCC at Green View, hmm, everything was corked up as the sec 1 are not prepare with the uniform then everything was delayed. Another thing was that i was unable to cooperate well with one of the instrutor as different thinking in teaching approaches, whereby i think her's approaches is not applicable to the situation. Then taught some of the NCOs campcraft, however did not complete teaching as there was a shortage in time. Took cab to RP, wah so ex, sianz must cut down some expenses liao.Somemore wait for the bus in rp for 1hrs plus 2 , wah waste time only. Then hopped onto the bus and proceeded to marina south for the SDA handsigning, rained the whole afternoon, sat on the wet benches.. no life, worst of all is that i couldn not sign well and kanna the first row of the bench.Saw one of the GV cadet participating in the same event with me LOL , hahaz.The preview supporting cont songs was the same as NDP03 de!! wah hahaz. ' looking at the parade, thinking of the past, those memories...u, who was once most impt to me, a motivator to me...nv regret having knowing u in my life, u change my thinkings and let me grew stronger' - life ,' if only i am more sensible in the past'

mY fearSs

I felt fear when i climbed too high,
the higher i climb,
i might lose alot of things,
as there is change in character, mentality
what i wanna be?
what character do i want to mold on myself?
CONFUSION

One day, my time will be up in this world
so when will it come?
how long i left?
to completed my dreams,
fulfill my goals..
why is there fear in my broken heart?
why am i unable to overcome it?
why ???...
when will be the day where i will be able to love all over?

1207

movinG towardS a devil's character

Today, skip lesson just to watch the final, as i told L that i will be attending the next match she's playing. [On the way there, i was pissed off by the msg from M, msg me just to told me off for not washing the cloths the night before, even threaten to fire me..Come'on , bring it on , if u wan to fires me just because of a small mistake, go ahead. Don try me !! stop finding excuses!!don know what's happening and want to f** me off!! I will leave, for the sake of my pride, even if this job meant alot to me. So next time if u try me again, DON BLAME ME FOR TURNING SOUR!!]Went to saw the match btw NYG and EVSS, EV lose, got 2nd in national, considered v good in the past few years, CHEERS!! then saw, the finals btw HC and RI for B division boys, amazing match, Both were strong, RI manage to break HC records for being the champion 14 years consectively, and this year CH got 1st runner up, RI got champ.then follow by the A division finals , CJC vs HCJC , HCJC won, those were exciting matches, and their standard were way above me, guess i have to train more if i want to go for IVP. Wrote a very lousy RJ, guess today's grade will get 'F'.

wat's wrong?

wat's wrong ?

For the past few days, i have been pondering over my character.i felt that i have been too proud to the small extend of looking down on others.I shouldnt be . If this continue to happen, i will fall badly one day before achieving my goals and things and people around me will change drasically toward me. now i must have the word humble in my mind. must do some reflection on my own character. Understand myself , what i wanna be...."humble...humble...humble... a good code of practise in moulding a better character", "don bother about others achievements , move towards own's dream"

23/06/2005

Packed/slack day of mine

Early in the morning went for why IG meeting, then allocated to forensic workshop, sianZ kanna wat secetery post SHARK , I HATE ADMIN STUFFS!!these stuffs are no life to me!! jus becos i say something inappropriate in the meeting then kanna sabo by the year 2s, but nvm haha, since in that case no choice learn to do admin work lolz, must try to do the best in it.Hmm later in the afternoon wanted to meet CH at queenway to buy sandals , shark him , meet at 12 , 12 then wakey !!nvm , then when to take train from redhill to the end then back to redhill, sleeping inside the mrt , don feel like getting off manz hahaz.Then went for RP judo session, today didn do much training, more on the preparation for the demo coming up in a month time, Slacking all day long, but today got to learn more about rolling breakfalls!! so many styles, manage to roll without hands. Later in the judo training, ran dori with a guy which has represent s'pore b4, looking at him .. half morale gone , packed with muscles, somemore brown belt, kanna threw all the way. NVM, hahaz, he shall be the next person i wanna beat in judo, he shall be my drive to train harder!I WILL MAKE IT ONE DAY!! hmm , next is RP astronomy, learn lotsa method of find constellations,but all this i know liao , NO LIFE today too cloudy then cannot see any star in the pratical session then learn to assemble the scope. Overall i make lotsa new friends today, people with common past identity , common interest, from WHY IG and RP JUDO!!"friends are brought together by fate, and time will separate them again, effort is needed to maintain friendSHIP, just like a SHIP needed to mend when there's a hole, treasure times together b4 it's too late=)"

mE.mYself

mE.mYself

Finally after years, without father loves, i felt some care and love from him, from a irresponsible to a more caring father. Thinking back, if my family were the heart of mine, this small part of it has always not been completed. Although the small part of it has been missing in the past, however there were always be someone who filled it up tempory, which give me the feeling of father love=) although one of them has passed away last year, all in the sudden, make me felt loss in the sudden. People and animals who has accompany me through those days(teaching me, influence me, molding my present thinking/mindset) they will live in my memories forever, till the day.... hahaZz forget these stuffs, now have been bothering over commitment thingy, work, cca, school & mca(my curricular activities). Currently these commitment are, school, npcc, judo, handball, astronomy, tai chi... ... sianZz no life, finally on this day, my commitment will only set to first Education, then Judo, NPCC, work that all for this year. The rest, free then go lolz. hahaz, Education- make it to University then become a occupation which can save life(wether it's human, animal or plant). Judo - Train hard and win compeition, mastering harai and ugi mata. N.P.C.C - win top 50th placing in Campcraft compeition 2006, win first 3 placing in drill compeition 2006, teaching the NCOs of becoming leader , UOPA silver 2007. work- saving for course for violin 2006, motor and car license 2007, bike 2007, futher education. "i dream, i see, i draw, i move, i reach!"

A daY of meetinG

09062005

waOoo, met alots of "long lost friends" today. hahazZ, saw Huilin while i was going to popular , didn notice her until she called out my name(how blur can i be?), met her twice in the same day, lolz, wanted to tok to her but don noe y jus don feel like toking as i was too tired. Then met HARDCORE while i was on the way home from school. There was a feeling of happiness when i saw them, the feeling just came by itself.=)

02062005

Lame incident

Ytd got to know a new friend through En Meng, which is told by EM that his is a lamester ... And today, i met with a lame incident while buying food in the main canteen.wah..While i was waiting for my food, there was a person who kept looking at me,i find her fimilar but forgot where i saw her before, i tot " i did something wrong manZz", then i tried thinking back, 'did i cut Q?' but there was not Q , then Y is she kept staring at me manZz, then she asked me whether was i working at TB's SL, of cos i nodded my head, then she say no wonder she find me so firmilar . KAOZz, made me thought that i offended her without noticing, LOL, no life . Then after work, while walking down the station, then a thought strike my mind, i met this ger during the SAS orientation, correct? i also not sure? whatever!! ,haiz this holiday is so packed with camps, i have a total of 3 camps and 1 3days event which occupied 2/3 of my holiday , kaoZz , then how to work? SHARK LA!! like that got life but... haizZ whatever la, let fate decide lolz. "till today my mind is still wondering around aimlessly..."

Fight with the rights

2505

Today, an typical busy day of mine, went for a boring talk in the afternoon then rush back to class to complete presentation. When will i get the first A in enterprising? so tiring, then after school , rush back to EVSS to collect MY 'O' certificate, looking at the cert with a BIG D7 in first subject make me feel that i am so useless. hahaZz today Juen Juey make a remarkable and unbelivable achievement in studies, he make it to level ranking 16th, good for him , his hard work has paid off. hahaZz Then went to Judo @ katong, yeppiZz, got promoted to orange liao finally !! but think that my skill was still lousy.. when can i make to JJ and vincent standard ? FREAK , got my knee injured again, hurt alot compared to the previous one. NO LIFE MANZz .. "learning martial art is not to abuse it, but to uphold the right and protect it" , " a real martial artist is someone who respect his opponent and others , and doesn't have the mentalities to injure or kill opponent ."" martial art are to trains one's paitience and endurance"

aN idotic daY of minE

whaT iS hapPeninG 2 mE?

today went swimming with ah ben , choon hong and JJ , wah i CMI manzZ, no more stamina liao, i can't swim 20 continuous lap, keep taking short rest.saddening .. Cancelled the outing with HL and PM to the whatever park, forgot liao, postponed it. went to SL to do FLD, crap lehz, what is happening to me manZz, go there just to acc someone??kKz(stop this no life topic) kaoZz , i am in deep shit manzZ, why am i kept clinging onto the past? just everytime the mrt i took passes by tanah merah station, memories i should forgot kept flashing back, and this happen everyday, what is happening ?now i dont even know myself, everyday getting sadder and sadder(more and more no life le) . "without me, u will lead a happier life" , " i m jus a guy who is unable to provide happiness" , " the happiness of the star was what matter the most " In my life till now, i have met 3 stars of mine and let them just flew across me, without trying to catch them, regretted ? i oso dont know.. i let them go.. because i felt that .. i cant provide happiness to them , so why tied them up and hide their shines to others ? maybe one day they will find a better one compare to me .. (no life )