it's a sunday

md: sunny

-out with GWP jies
- saw buttY @ orchard =)
-thanks dearY for the cookies =)

'life, a road that full of unexpected...'
1202'06 2323

gain and loss?

md: cloudy ...

- wat's my life about? wat do i really want? i dn hav enuff time to commit to so many activities, i felt tired ...
-i have nv understand somthing which is call 'gain and losses', to gain weight? too much training? weight or training ? balancing ? haizZz ...
-sometimes i was thinking... shld i giv up on npcc? i really don like to be a 'leader' i simply hate ordering others ard, as i was unable to prove something in life, 'the different view ard'
- this week was a really bad bad week for me, i was unable to give my fullness in my trainings
- i am really looking down on myself?
- valentine day is getting nearer... somethings special for the special her =)

: 2336 0902'06

A brand new year in Goodwood Park

A brand new year in Goodwood Park
m: sunny

Wow.. spended my new year celebration working in goodwood park serving people who has paid five hundred bucks per person to come for the counting down new year celebration @ good wood park hotel new windson ballroom ... hmmm serve a hyflux vice president.. seem to know alot about appreciating wine ..haha offended him while serving a bun .. but before he went off he actually shaked hands with me!! oOoo unbelivable... someone who is so high up there... jus like idols and fans ... thanks twins for my birthday shirt present =) ' according to history... everyman have chances to success.. so which way did u went to ?;

Digital camera!!

digital camera
m: multiple changes ...

wow brought a digital cam at PS today with my sis and her bf haha!! hmm... 350 xia!! my sis paid 50 ... i pay the remainding haha.. but nvm, tmr my bros paying some of the share LOL... gdgd, not that xiong afterall ... hmm then to judo at katong.. hmm some things that i supect actually turn to a fact-_-" hmm i thought those suspect was that i think too much but it wasn't so... things actually happen where i nv expect it to be truth... friendship ... relationship ... they are fragile...
So far i hav met/saw 5 kinda relationship ba, the possive, lonely,compeitive, freedom, consideration type hmm might be too harsh but i don noe how to put it in other words... think there's somemore ba... possive type was those who are selfish and always thinking that she/he only belong to he/her self ... not to others , if the partner give in... lotsa unnessary sacrifices will be make..family, friendship might be wreck .. next the l type .. hmm... they get into relationship for the sake of it, just asking for companion, having assurance by having the name 'steady' there, sometimes willing to give in everything just to keep a broken ship going... competitive type, those who want to go steady with someone for the sake that she/he is pretty and handsome, being court by many, having the mind set that winning her/him is proving that he/she is more capable then others, this kind is usually short lasting... as there's always someone appear more prettier/handsome ...hmm freedom ? people who usual belive in fate of love, chemistry between two, it might be short but also long lasting, this depend on how both work it out, letting nature take it course, beliving that things change as time passes.. consideration type, opposite of possive they alway think about her/him if making a move(going out...), they are good but just that they think too much, they tend to belive what they foresee is true, what they think is true, therefore hesitate, which resulted to he/her think that they guy/ger doesn't seem to care anymore having the facts that they do ... beliving in giving freedom, alway think about the consequense... things didn work out ... still ended with misunderstanding...things needa change... me too ..
back to training... losing lotsa morale today... i think too much about my weight.. losing much of my strength too... i doesn't seem as active as the past ... seem like the lose in vitality ... no life again ? omG!! haiz ... having the mindset of will i able to made it for ivp? sensei koseiki told me how to gain weight ... drinking protein in the morning, don eat sweet stuffs, more chicken ... lolz thanks .=). took pic with LH, sensei koseiki and vincent ... lol with my new cam .. muhahha !! cooking pasta late at night, craving for it... super late dinner ...
not forgetting a big THANK YOU to zY the butt of mine for ya spiderman !! =) thanks i like this present =)

it's a SPECIAL day 2 me!!

a special day of mine!!
m: sunshine

although early in the morning went to work(saw pris on the MRT!!=) ) , facing a attitude but funny customer.. then hav extended working hours from 1800 till 1900 ... ate the remainder of the buffet left by the guests.. yummY !! but then stomachache sometime later ... haha... have a simple celebration for me by my da ger and da jies from GWP hotel !! M, X hui, LT ... first time spending birthday with friends... went eating pasta mania and then singing!! first time singing in karaoke =) heeZz thanks for everythings guySs =) haha.. also saw jas mei at cine there, haha she shout happy birthday to me haha lol... thanks=) oh YA not forgetting a special twin of mine !! having the same birthday as me ... hahaz exactly 1 year younger then me wor!! we were like asking for each other prezzie from one another.. haha don worry on the 31st u will get ur's ... LOL... 1st to greet me this year was my buddies from WGP!! also the 'twin' of mine lol... then from cindy, ug, gabe, micheal, mayfen, stella lao ma, lenna, JY and hider.... more to go !! NOT forgetting the special butt of mine ZY!!! =) it's the thoughts that u guys rem and take the effort to wish me=) and some which celebrate with me!! touched ... haha receive presents from RP judo, sis heeZz an special year of mine ... i hav grown ... felt the diff in life , in the world experience a bad side of mine myself... the days, experiences ....
'with them ard ... i will be able to stand firmly on the ground'
'admire someone, wanting to be with them.... but it's diff from being with them... it might not be that perfect as u thought he or she is, he/she/i might not be able to provide the needs from he/she/me... reality is diff from what u thought...not really.. it takes time to stand up from a fall, it takes time to heal... IT TAKE TIME TO LEARN... and it take time to be ready... i am not ready for those relationship thingy i guess... i have too much commitment in other things... if i have one i will have the one who understand me, my thoughts, the inner of me but in this world i doubt so.. only few.. but things just turn out to be too late... cos the past is the story, might be his, her or my ... the present is doesn't allow things to turn back ... only allowing things to happen ...
stars = those who mean alot to me, special to me ....
tmr... having lunch with my lao jiao ci cindy and HO garfield lol and dinner with uncle dad, family ... my dad? he doesn't seem to care... not even a word... back to the past where my dad don exist in my life ? a dad = no father ?

a major turning in life

a major turning in my life
22/12/2005


the one who lead
the one who teach

buddism, christianity

plz plz i am confuse ...
Over the years in my life, i have been learning and following the teaching of buddism...all in the sudden with a rise of hand and i became a christian? my sub conscious did that... the within me... which made me blur too...renewal centre ... Is that the religion that suit me the most ? for what i am? just like mr seong did(finding the suitable religion?),like having the a strong sense of belonging to the earth ? the mother nature?
I always belive that buddha, gods, juesus are heros, they did incredible things to mankind, savlage, teaching ... now above everything there's god, one who created mankind? beliving in these solves lots of questions i alway ponder ever since the past, how was the earth form, how was the very first human form?beliving in the existence wanting to know more ..
can i be a free thinker who belives in all religion ?
for whatever ... whoever...
just be who i am... my ideal character of me myself !! yeah!!
-determination
-responsible
-selfless
- free from greed, anger and ignorance
THE wise man ... LOLZ jkjk
reminder to myself...!!
goals to achieves ..
in life ...
-save lifes
short term
-win judo IVP!!
-3.6 GPA for sem 2 !
-becoming a life guard

another stage of life

another stage of life
:unknown

3rd - 14th dec
Sch holiday
: NPCC (NCO training camp)
: OBS 9'days
: life saving training

NPCC camp 02 days
: late in the morning due to sleeping too late the night before , busy preparing the presentation for those lecture. A good teacher? i guess i am not. for 2 days giving lecture continuously. it's hard, unable to keep my spirit up.sometimes just felt that i am not doing a good job as a CI, have those knowledge passed down to those cadets? how am i going to enforce it? how to become a good teacher? how to become a good leader? how to become a good CI ? tired. sometimes just thinking that why am i still serving in NPCC, moreover it's not my own sec sch but other. Y? thinking back, i become a CI to repay what my sec sch have given me, a sign of gratitude from my CIs that have mould me, making the unit grow. but now serving other unit. a sign of gratitude from the NPCC itself? i have other dreams to fufill, other goals to achieve, but why am i doing all this?

OBS 09 days
: a room of unknown to a group of hi bye friends .. now i got the meaning of hi bye friends. Friendship, which doesn't seem to be exist to some.

day 01
- ice breaking, logistic stuffs, evening PT (2.4)
all unfimilar faces, only know some ppl from the ALC. i change to be selfish ? evening time run 2.4 wow! long time din run .. fun!brought 2 shoes one too small ... instructor: belinder!! and hiap lun
02
- PT, high element, logistic, PT(4.8), tent pitching ...
PT the running of 2.4 with timing taken, i came in the 3rd of all, the timing was very lousy, 13.32, but the ber say tat all timing was slower compare when running in school becos of the terrain, up and down and muddy, the first JW has a timing of 10.3 plus i guess lolz he damn pro chiong all the way, sprint all lehz !! haha then 2nd was N 5 sec before me ... high element, i climb to the greatest !! at a look it seem easy to achieve but after taken the first step the fear came in. achieving the greatest height with my partner YR, thanks for her for not giving up with me !! lol... pulling you up is my responsibility as a team, cos we have to achieve together as a team=) PT running 4.8 Km, running as a whole watch, hmm rather slow for me, end up running behind encouraging others with JW.
03
-PT, mini kayaking expeitition, PT (6)
morning PT, 2.4 personal timing again. no strength to run xia... again came in 3rd, the first was the same but the second was a girl !! hahaz i lose to her but few second, she was great, basketball women, MVP somemore, no wonder, lotsa determination could be seen in her. thanks to her, my timing improve by a few second 10.25 lol! mini kaya xp, my partner was S hmm, quite fun, everything was great, then became the port side of the formation. Evening PT 6 Km run ... lol, doing the same thing again, running behind encouraging others. doesn't felt tired at all..
04
-land xp
land xp around ubin, went to the highest point of ubin and german girl shine. learn about the history of those. helping others but will they know? will they show gratitude to what u have done? NO!!! sianzation, people just take things for granted
05
-solo camp out
all alone in the forest, having the commando mosquitoes as companion and a spooky chair. thinking of the past, those people who have taught me important values.
06,07,08
-sea xp, 9k run
sea xp, the reveal of the bad side of me during the part of towing when channel crossing... i was totally drained out..felt angry about my weakness(body size), felt helpless...some people around does care... portside, in my point of view: to be the first to show the marking, also to be the last to show the marking. choinging up and slowing down with no more momentem ...
9k run, just after the finishing of the sea xp...at first targeted 45 min to complete it. however halfway there, felt the foods i eaten during lunch comig up, feel like vomitting, wearing a shoes that is too small for me, hard to continue manz!! continue till the turining back part, walk all the way back haha ... slack .. only a few people overtake me, lesser then i expected, came in 7th
09
-confidence jumping
everything come to an end. with a final sharing of the highest point and lowest point of the camp also what u have learn. highest point , the achieving of high element? lowest point, sea xp? what i have learn ' be the nobody where everybody thought somebody will do it but nobody did it' ' don thinki things that way, then it is not that way, just do it .. ' and finally a word i have learn, Understanding ...

Life saving
went to lifesaving lesson after the 9 days camp... worn out manz!... but learn alot about life from richard, 'things get complicated as u grow ... not avioding it but learn how to manage it.'

' how i wish life is just as simple as i thought ...'

sensitive religion

religion matters
w: typical

Wow!! learn alot from mr seong about christianity teaching, as i wonder about evolution theory, how was human first created? by chances of micro organisim ?or simply because god create him? thinking about it, if it is form by the chances of micro organisms, then how did micro organisms first created? then how was earth first created? even till how were the universe created? why did big bang occured? from 1 questions, to 10, till even hundred or million? who was able to answer it? the scientific theory? or just simply one answer, 'god created everything?' hmmm, i find so much similarities to this teacher/officer of mine, he's also a capricon! ahahz means that he's birth date is near to mine? he has a v strong beliefs in doing things, wanting to benefit mankind? ... moving on to the histories of jews, islam and christian, till even protest and catholic the differences and similarities, but was still unable to find the link between buddishism and christian, why i want to find the link about them? cos i find that in both of this religion,people are good. however, i always belives in their teachings but not till the extent of obcess by it, i belive in freeedom and own will, that's me. i belives that religion is something which gives u the power in doing things when u belive in it,they give u confidence, determination. teachers around me, my judo sensei s, npcc officer.. they are successful in life, and they are christian, y ? strong beliefs ? i hope to find the answer one day?

' they exist before, do they exist now?'

091105

091105
m:breezy

-a hope that leading me towards my dream
-loss of breathing skill = no stamina
-good lucks for all taking o eng tmr =)

bad throat days!!

31/10
m: sunnY =)

wah sick!! i cant talk .. don noe what happen to my voice loss in the sudden, now i got problem speak, almost the same as a dumb person.. sianZz i want to talk!!wah cant talk during presentation, cant express myself through words!! damM!! holY coW~~MoooOooo ytd was a great day with zy, this buddy always brighten up my life.. hmm, nvm things will get fine soon. grow up !! wake up!! wah.. must chiong more work , earn more money then mum has less burden, also mus study hard !! and continue my way towards my dreams,tired? rest enough le, the crake? let go liao(thanks to alot people ard me) and once again i am standing firm on my feets.Flung 4 out 5 of my understanding tests, the next coming one mus study hard!!A! there's ppl who look down on me( i will prove to u guys that i am stronger), also people who hav being suppoting my soul lol.. yeah !! tomorrow sch holiday.. GOT LIFE SAVING SESSION tomorrow, i am going to swim more tomorrow and get stronger physically and mentally!!
MY short term goals
- get more As!!
-more understanding about biology
-improve in JUDO tacnic!!
-improve in my swimming skill!!

'beliving in myself, in my own ability, soon i shall prove something to the world with my determination!!' 'saving lifes in the future'

zhang zhi cheng - kuai le (nice song)thanks

25102005

25102005

-think too much abt her
-flung my U test for communication 21/10(pass up a almost blank paper, no mood useless )
-looking into a clearer picture of it (i was wrong)
-everything was not impt, feel like knowing ur feeling about me, for me to choose my path in life...
-saw LScoach after his major operation, i feel sad for him, he undergo what i hav gone through but his is more painful, cos i op when i was young, i rem nth, but him rem the fear...
-'u willing to teach me, i will to learn' ' u willling to coach me, i am willing to train'
-looking forward tomorrow, a better day
-tell myself 'if i live tomorrow, i wan to care for those who care for me, move towards i dreaming for, live with a smiles ard me... cos i am lucky, since i am given this day, i shall not waste it...i nv wan to dream of that my tomorrow might not come.. '

the two side

19102005

raining heavily

break le

injured neck..

181005

181005
: dark cloud over the sun

-RP
-Today's A102 was interesting
- lifesaving( loner)
- SAS poster design
- UT prep

today's school, i felt fufillful as i really so into the understanding of the hybridisation!! i finally understand it!! hohoho.. hmm then went to life saving which no one turn out for the extra training, even the one who ask me to go... so disapointed...swim myself lolz.. omg !! guess wat? i met a gay!! shitty ! when i was resting at the pool side he talk to me, what's more was he stalked me even ask me for dinner... HOLY COW~~~ hmm then went onto train, lucky sitting beside me was ger xia .. phew ... linz's moody... why ? i don noe ... wat can i do to make u happy?

141005

141005
>dark cloud hanging over the sky

-slack at home
-night cycling with j and tiong

don feel like doing anything, therefore i did nth, think nth, all i did was sleeping, stoning ... no life, cant figure out...

holy cow~~

131005
still air, motionless

-RP
-Rp judo
-mac with choon hong

Sianzation !! hmmm, today, in a team that TBDN ( talk but do nth) ... hmmm, ate nasi bryani before training, shiok manz.. filling up my hungary stomach. Today's judo, uji komi 1 set 20, moving uji komi, moving kata randori, physical games, randori and finally na waza randori.. hmm.. not that siong after all, maybe i was too slack in training ? i want to improve, but it seems that i was stuck at the level, unable to find ways up... sometimes i really felt that we were living in our own world, i don't understand you, neither do u understand me, i hope that i can read your mind but i cant... i wonder... tell me how ? hmm ... linz 'really hope to see you happy again'... i felt tired and useless... ' seeing ur's smiles brights my sky up', ' in this world, when/how many will one find someone that understand him/her? the star that belongs ?'

120905

120905
m: bright sun shinning down the clear blue sky

-RP
-Kjudo
-met ZY

hahazZ, started with a sleepy morning, dragging my way to school. Today's team was fun!! hahaz, the more talkative team i ever met so far in my new class... we were crapping !! hohoho.. LOL stupid SH mistook my 'sis' as my gf, lolz as always, she's baka ... jkjk.. next judo training, wah!! siong lehz, so much physical.. hahaz, but i like it... chiong chiong chiong, finally a siong training... hahaz i am going to improve!! cos i have good teachers, and good partners.. ! hmm, met ZY today, pass her the water bag.. hahaz nth changes in her.. hmm linz still worring about her result, what can i do ? if she worry = moody = unhappy = affect ME ... haizZ, hey i having a start in drving towards my dreams!! good results, excel in judo !! " when i belives, i will be there " - k6i

111005

111005
back to the past
m: cloudy

-RP
-President at RP
-visiting lifesaving instructor (CGH)

Today, a intresting lesson i had, finally, a facilitator that teaches, she tried to clear my doubts about obital electrons which was something not needed for this lesson, although she was unsuccessful in clearing my doubts, but she earn my respect from my heart. Thanks for not giving up, it's probably that i am too slow in understand things. Then after lesson, follow the lifesaving IG to welcome the president. Then slack in the library till the night as we have to wait for james for his floorball compeition and then we went to CGH to visit richard( our lifesaving coach) as he just has an operation to remove the don noe wat thing in his don noe wat organ. hahaz , cant remember.seeing him like that make me think that i am lucky compared to him, although i has 3 operation in my life, but i don have any memories about it, i cant emember anything about the operation, nothing at all, probably because it was done when i was young. This also reminds me that i am not that healthy compare to others, confidence level drop, the limit i can stretch might not be as far to others physically. hmm, today linz took her maths and sciences paper, she thinks that she did badly for it, but such things as long as u has tried your best can le , the rest i think still have to rely it on fate/luck. Looking back, i gone the hard way through, eversince i posted to eastview, my life seem to be decided. from primary to secondary, then wanting to take bio ended up taking art(i finally manage to pass my english but failed my maths), from then onwards, i understand that as long as u have tried your best, you should be happy over it, everythings i do, i tried my best, yes i failed once, twices, even thrice, or more, yes i failed, but i wldn regret, i understand more about how to achieves it. Even posted to art class, i didn give up(as i think that will be the worse thing can happen in life- giving up in urself) , i was unsatisfied with the posting , why am i posted to the last class? although posted to last class, i always tried to top in the class, keeping myself compeitive with other classes( although i might mean nth to them) but at least i tried, there i go, ended up in republic poly, if i have give up , i sld be in ite by now or even becoming a useless person. ' although might not achieve, at least i tried, leaving no regrets behind' i hope linz could understand this, sometimes, somethings might not just the way u wanted to, there might be more efforts needed, might be more thoughts needed...since we are still breathing, let's continue the journey and not stopping here and ponder over it 'leaving those footsteps behind, and not just the thought of stepping over it' originated by k6i ...

091005

091005
m:breezy

-slack home
-work shilin

Today? slack the half day home, ytd night used the whole night to do the camp proposer, sianz... NO LIFE.. haha.. hmm last day at shilin.. BYE guys, take care!! home- dark sauce egg fry rice by ME.. not bad after all.. wow, my brother brought protein power, amazing, but it taste suckY .. dad give me $50 for allowance, suprised, cos he don does that in the past.. hmm hope to see linz on wed...'life have to goes on as things gonna changes' - k6i

071005

071005
m:v cloudy

-RP
-discussion abt camp
-meet JJ

Today's team, is good, better then the past few days, everyone doing something. nth much to say. tired. met cin for discussion abt dec nco camp, broke her thumbdrive, brought a new one. sianz, unexpected expenses. I don like things that is complicated, just like nowadays with the new wci just joined, hmmm things seem to get complicated.haiz my 1st week grade seem to be dissapointing , suffering from depression LOL. no la .. now i just want my life with Judo and study, and work. I guess i will stop going to NP after the campcraft compeition. v tired so many things to do. 'i hope to accompany u till the day we walk till the edge of the earth' linz
i feel like killing !! don noe why v sian, cos of npcc, make me so sian. 'things are complicated until u understand it, they become simple'

061005

061005

-RP
-RP Judo

Fun day!! hahaz CH came for judo training !! muhaha , didnt go for astro... guess i quitting soon ? hmm haven made up my mind. what tactic shld i focus in judo ? anyway guess what i saw my future!! hahah An 5 years degree from NTU, biological science , combination of the studies of chinese and western medicne !! so motivated to study 'At the end of the 5 years, successful students will receive two degrees, a B.Sc. (Hons.) in Biomedical Sciences and a B.Med. in Chinese Medicine.' Wa!! cOol!! biomedical sci NTU... haha, save save ... lol.. they also accept my dipolma !! i have a chance.. ' saw it!! path it- reach it'