md: cloudy- sunny

in the bus... on the expressway... don noe why just kept listening to zhu ti qu.. hope the ending will not be like that ...

today.. hmm working, 3 continuous lesson, I guess i treated them too kind le, all climb over my head! gRrr no basic respect at all! then this time round didn really make the lesson really relax, one of them got too demoralise in one of the activity and turn moody:( then second lesson 6 students, er ... worse thing is one of them even forgot to bring student kit, i was like -_-"'. cant really focus on the 'needy' ones, i wanted to help evaangeline but in the end i cant la, they were too noisy le. One thing that have make me felt happy was that evanangeline did improve ! she's able to count and pass all on her own! GREAT! :D but she forgot to take her children day gift home... then nxt class all ar .. er like tat lorz.. nxt week mus push them harder so they will improve ! yEAH!

she called me !! and msg me during the lesson! :) i don noe y, but i felt happy even it's just an simple task. really hope dist will get nearer but not further anymore.. pray pray .. nowadays even lesser talking le .. wanted to ask her out for dinner, oo but she got work.. so nvm ba..

md: ---

today? lesson = bad bad, totally owned! haha anyway i deserve it, who ask me to slack down so much.. LOL anyway i admit that i have became much lesser compeitive le, mayb it's due to my classmate, my friends, as friendship is important too =)
I finally do some push up and some personal training at home today, well it's just some simple training, if not aWwww.. it have been so long every since i train at home myself.. about half a year ? guess it's due to the lack of motivation ba. hope one day she will really read the link i send to her, her's tmr didn became today :( anyway, understand her!tupid mE! ... oh ya heard that those junior passed their test! well done ! =D

md: low ..

today? a boring day! didnt attend lesson, training... felt so wierd.. and didn get to see her at all? all becos of the PP poster, or rather my poor time management ba.. the feelings of being alone is .. awWWww... the period of waiting the poster to be printed seem to be so long, although it is just a short 1 hour, wandering around like an idoit, then saw a crowd listening to a guy talking about feng shui then listen abit .. even went to see those home appliances. If only u agree to acc me, i guess things will be different.. :( friends.. television.. thinking of what to cook for her ... is she thinking the same things ? nah ...

save as draft ...

md: sad

really trouble, BGR, care too little: neglected, care too much: possessive, then where's the moderate line? hmm...

why should i think for other's ? hmm.. no idea.. isn't understand myself, think about myself is much more easier then understanding others, think for others?

Read my own friendster comments, felt so swt, esp what she have written for me.. also felt that i have really neglected someone whom i shouldn't.

Assurances is needed...

md: --

happy day with her ytd,
although it's a simple day,

rem tat..
gg to swensen on 7th of oct or anywhere ard the week,
she love e white wine,
e 'countryside' restuarant?
e bird soaring in the sky,
2 watch show.

md:--

today, really have lotsa funs with the kids, for all the classes. lessons seem to be more fun. looking at them having fun, and practising, i felt relived. After lessons wonder how is she le.. pray and hope that she will get well tmr..

all of the sudden when i reach home, i felt extremly sad, thinking of all the past. Felt really useless, even when she's sick, i cant do anything about it. Remindin me of stuart, my beloved dog, who died as we send him to a clinic instead of hospital. I saw him walking so weakly, but i jus cant do anything .. ever since i was young alot people say that i shouldn be in this world, i just don noe y, and what's make them think that way, and they were my relative. why cant my family care more for me? also her by jus abit more ? things on my side always requires double efforts, but to others mayb just a flick of finger, as easy as abc. Ok i am getting crazy, getting really emo for no reason, guess this is wat happen when everything piled up and exploded ? and no one is there for me ba. sorry ...

e memories ..

md: drizzy

back to work in GWP this evening, the feelings was kinda.. hmm don noe how to say, but i really miss the people there. but becos of some reason, i jus don wanna go back, as some tupid ppl might think that i need tis so desperately. ok i really hate him alot, he doesn fit to be a manager there ! ok others blackies were better except for him, at the v least they appreciate my presence. that was e past then... sound really childish rite ? haha..

back to work today, in the whole tudor ballroom, only 5 old staffs, the rest = new staffs (most from impact). ok then out of this 5, i think only 2 working. therefore in conclusion, only 4 staffs working in this ballroomm of 21 table, 2 oldies, 2 newbie. it's tat litta secret... I kept thinking of dear, suddenly recalled that the first time i noticed her was a CWD at tudor (not sure issit her first day of work at GWP anot). I just kept thinking of her, thinking and thinking back to the past.

That time we promise to get each other a present at 31st, tat time she added me in friendster, that time we went out together, the time we hold hands together, that time she bake cookies for me, the time i went to her sch jus to pass her something, the time i met her after her sec sch, the first time she hugged me, her's and mine first () at west coast... but thinking backi suddenly felt that i m just not good enuf for her.. WHY in e past i didn treasure her as much as i do now? why in the past i always tot of working, judo, lifesaving, studying and left her alone? things were good after her O levels, things change, she start to prefer living w/o me... at her friend chalet she stated break out, but we did not... the birthday celebration at PRP... she didn brought or do anything for me.. soon after, new year day, her feelings faded, we broke up.. 6 mths later we are back together, finally i knw that she hated the feeling of being neglected.. I have been trying hard, so that she will nv feel alone... but few mths after, things really changed, she broke my heart again and again, she neglect me n my feelings , nto appreciating things i did for her, why? thoughts wondering ... is that a pay back? or she got back to me becos of pity? or is it that i am just to sensitive? past .. present .. what will be the future?

just like i msg her,
fate got us together,
being together with her is a blissing,
as she called me dear i really felt happy,
when she cared for me i felt fortunate...

all these is from the bottom of my heart..

even just a single 4 letters words, i am really satisfied,
a call from her, asking me to care for me is enuff..
nowadays i didn ask for much more le..

I waited for u every night cos tat's the minimum i can do..
i really want to protect u and acc u home...
buy u e things u like...
gg the place u like ...
eating the things u like ..
but i knw i cant .. cos u wldn allow me to .. and i hv to respect ur decision ..
pls respect me too, not taking the minimum i want to do ...

u knw u r tired,
but becos of friends and shows,
u don go to bed,
when it come to me,
u will tell me that: let's talk tmr..
i really hope to share ur happiness, worries and sorrow with u, open up to me ... hao ma?
i really hope that for the sake of me, pls take gd care and protect urself. :'(

md: -

went to redhill to service my laptop, the screen got some prob. then to marina sq - croc shop to see shoes, ate BK don hav grilled chicken again gRrr.. saw a sec sch friend, oh someone i din know la, but got see b4 in the past, so smile lorz. back to tamp, while lining up the sam queue, caught a baby girl looking at me ! haha er i act cute lorz, she smiled =D ! swam, at tamp sc. have an sweet dinner with UD and mum, hehe v full, it has been a long time not filling my stomach totally. He's one of the person closest to me, doted me alot, if only he's my dad. ok nth is perfect.. jus that man can nv be contented or satisfied.

our distant is getting apart, she agree too.. :( i really don wan that to happen. i do noe that i still really love u, but i nv know how to do and what to do. freedom or care alot? which to choose? if now i choose freedom, i fear that i will lose her once again, and tis time rd she might nv be back. she's growing up, changing.. don noe why, i always fear tat sometings might happen to her, how i hope that i can stay by her side always and protect her. missing her alot..

md: -

e 7H chalet
played the positioning game ! lol haha paired up with shaun vs mel and sher. rOar! first to be out was sher then follow by shuan just abit more to own mel ! haha anyway we won! hehe.. nxt nxt i late in the night after BBQ,played indian poker and zhong ji mi ma, where e peach volka was out. sOon, sophia was dwn, thn followed by shuan, then sue, and JG + Fel. mel me and sue bf was er still can make it one, haha but there is one person who was clear in the mind which is sher! anyway through this night there were joys as well as tears.
Almost the whole night we were taking care of those who had bOooM... As most falled aslp, e capriconus n sher went out sitting ard the reception sit, chatting abt some r/s stuffs. out of the sudden, we saw a lady walking by the POOL! er.. sound scary, haha and the person turn out to be OO phia, at 1st sher was saying that it's nt phia... cos her legs not so thin leh! OMG LOL. scare us la tot wat happen to her suddenly out of the rm, wanderin, when she shld be slping.

there was a saying:' always look at the bright side of life', but when things really happen, how sld one really handle it? it's easy to say but it nv easy to face the facts, where the bonds is as thick as blood..
not to live for the past, but for the future.
rem e joys, but not e sorrows.
no one is alone in life, unless u tell urself that. feel... look... everyone ard u.. may it be family or friends or some1. they do care. But in the 1st place hav u gave others a chance to enter ur life ? hav u treasure and care for others ard u? in fact me myself didn does all of tat. haha
In fact some people tend to neglect people who are closer and cared about them as time passes. Some became more materialistic, some became too proud, some care more for other things (friends, work, sports, self, school, blah blah..). everyone is different.
there's alwaz a hidden side which not be seen.

It's morning, most went to swam, leaving some who did not really slept e night b4. afternoon? sort of combined with breakfast. then went to arcade, wooO played e basetball game, everyone was paired up, i was with mel, and here's the final result,hehe.. sort of amazed by that. although it 's the one at the right but not e left de.. haha
















then some went cycling, some went majonging. found horses in pasir ris park, wow nv knew that. then to the trapezium. the love birds was in their own world haha.. me and mel was then left talking just like those good old buddy...

dinner, some foodcourt, some kfc and some BK. WOW hhaha after so many rounds losing, finally some win with mel. yeah! cos all e rest majong pro, only me and her majong noob so we tag team lorz.. haha nxt the most impt part ! it's SHUAN birthday! haha looking at him doing those funny moves which requested. wow, cake waR! haha the first who was attacked was JG n fel i think, while sher, sue went hiddin on top, me, mel and phia went hidding outside.. haha argH wasn't got caught at first but was sabo by my own 'teammates' !! haha oO lips was cutted by my own teeths as shuan accidentally knee on me, even now still can feel e pain in the lips while eatin. anyway.. it a fun night! :) ... missing her

didn manage to catch the sunrise in the morning cause too tired..

misses 7H .. u guys rocks .. thanks ! :D

md: .. ..

sat 8/9

went to NUS mass swim, i think that peg(trg bud), ws and vonn have did really well, esp vonn. This is because they are trying so hard to achieve the 100 laps, although vonn didn make it in time, but i think that she has put in the most effort in this swim. People who can swim well, really well, such 100 or 150 laps is within their reach, it's up to them whether they want to spend the time, but there are also people who have to really put in double or triple efforts to achieve the same task. I admire those people, their mentality, the never give up attitude. When i look at them, i see myself back in the past, at SP charity swim in 2006. Me that time = vonn now. That was the first time i break my own amount of laps in freestyle, the process was indeed very long but after everything like wat trg buddy always say, the sense of satisfaction after... .

Thinking back, I joined LS without knowing freestyle at all, struggling was a certain during the swim, but that time i was realy good in breaststroke, haha thinking back, *laugh*. you will always see me panting the most after freestyle and always i will be the last swimming behind with alvin! haha the 'bumper boat team!'.

To vonn and trg buddy: the process might seem really really slow or long , the feeling of swimming behind others might be really 'SIAN NA', but the goal is achievable, swimming well like every others, that's why we need to train double, to catch up, it's worthwhile:) and most imptly you all are moving towards it, you guys are improving !:D
went to botak jon at clem ! CAJUN CHICKEN, i loves it !

sun 9/9

saded, really saded... pondering after i wakey, in the bus.. what am I doing, talking? still i have let jealousy came into me, and it's so much, why do i care soO much? wat will be the future btw us? fate brought us tgt...

Classes today, hmm all the students seem so bored, i see i sad also larz, what kinda trainer is me man?! I cant control students and my langauge ability is really a huge barrel for me to overcome, english!

ate noodles Oo somehow bored about it, but no choice larz, in the future have to eat more.. cos bo bian..

md: hi lo



























I luv u dear, happY 1 yr n 9th month wor =)

more thoughts, more efforts ...

md: .. ..

Oo met her, walked ard far east with ange, bugis brought one of the shorts she wanted, ate noodles (her fav soya sauce type). Something that has really disappoint me at the point of time when her friend called, she just simple say ok immediately without much thoughts.. am i so unimportant? .. is spending times together such a hard thing? I waited for the once in the week, her friends just a phone call and she will be there.. haiz Tot and tots, when she's with her friends she's happy, why not? DON BE SELFISH YI KAI! dumbass.(maybe she don enjoy e time with u?) ya then he made another dumb choice again! wait for her and send her home,1. he jus want to do his part as a bf (where most of the time he cldn becos of dist and sometimes her?), 2. he don wan her to always go home so late, moreover she got work tmr:( . but she want to spend time with her friends... ya he somehow felt bad about it after that (but he really care for her, worry about her health, her mood everything.. haiz) . sometimes, he really felt like ... but love her.. should guys like him worth to be loved, mayb not? physical appearance = lousy! (skinny, bony, curly hair, small eyes), Mentality in relationship = bad (always thinking too much... ). Another bad thing = low confidence level?

' when promises are broken, it broke too'

relation SHIP, requires 2 to board,
sailing long and far requires commitment, faithfulness and some others qualities,

even when both boarded,
only one is trying to fulfill the qualities,
the ship will still eventually sink...

qualities when both fulfilled,
the ship will sailed through storms and rains,
surfing along the wave towards the everlasting horizon...










The Ninth Wave by:Ivan Konstantinovich Aivazovsky (1850)

md: .. ..

yawn! sO unmotivated to get off the bed and start the day.. hmm afternoon went trg at the gym with my trg buddy peg, Oo jin was late AND she forgot to bring her shoes, others couldn make it for some reason. felt so weak, lifting weight seem to be an easy task in the past, but not today. went swimming.. dragging my body over the water.. haiz I am getting lazy.. thinking of setting up some BM training for people who have BM to maintain the stamina and techniques, but anyway, I felt that i am drifting further off the IG, esp after the dissapointment from the aquatic carnival, i mean is like we have put in efforts and at the very end OSG! those $%^&*, just said no aquatic IG is just an IG, Let sport club run the show, then why not u tell us in the first place GARY!, why waste our time? As aquatic IG go further, there will be no room for normal swimmers i guess, well it's all for competition, the joy, fun and laughter will be gone..

nxt went to took the wl centre key, but ended up running around causeway and wl c. ... haizZ from 730 to 830.. waiting and running around..

'all i want is not sorry, but promise and action that things will not happen again... ' imagination just run through my mind, flashing again and again, the scene of having fun poking each other... :(' can I give you happiness?..hope u can prioritizes study infront.. I hope to spend time study with u .. I guess I have become a man with v little ego, is it a good or bad thing? 'do couples understand each other more or get closer when they do/ accomplish things together?'

faster get a bike, so dist wldn be a prob anymore, OooOOoo can send her to sch, to work, everythings will just be better OOoooOOOoo dreaming idiot...

upcoming taskSs:save $$ for bike, complete PP poster, FYP 2 report and poster, study harder !

md: nil

Thurs 30th Sep
It's a special day! cos i passed my TP test for bike !hurray! the process of waiting the start of the test, during the test and after the test was scary. it's the waiting part .. wOo but it's over !














but .. happiness gone .. after knowing not being able to celebrate with her :( She's the first i called, right after the result. Anyway it has been a long time ever since i eat alone le :)

Sat 1st Sep

Ah ben PSed me cos his eye pain.. went to suntec IT fair alone, to get stuff.. thanks wallace! for always willing to share the things i wanted to know about IT.

Sun 2nd Sep
She went to work without slping much ytd night.. :( went work.. thinking how to improve my teaching method.. waiting for her call.. worrying :(

md: Breezy

sun 26/08
LifeSaving Championship 2007
RP got into 6 finals, men board paddling (Kay Thiam), women board paddling (Pei Lee), men board surfing (me), women relay event, iron woman (jess), beach flag (Pei Lee). Got 1 gold women board paddling and 1 silver in beach flag, all thanks to pei lee! =)
about the event wise, it is totally cork up, the events was badly delayed due to ...










total bruise accumulate that day = 4.

Mon 27/08

great day with her =) Fried things she liked, woah it has been a long long time ever since i touch the frying pan, but not bad haha still as skilled as be4 (rite dear?).

Tues 28/08
PP reporting the whole day.. hope to be mention in ur .... :(

md: dwn

'ni hen fan lehz, yi zi shuo yi yang de hua bu sian mehz?' ..

how to care,
how to love,
you..

patience ...
endurance ...

not e happiness,
it's always so hard,
to make ur smiles,
hear ur laughters,
cant be the one ...

out with others,
they are able to..

felt like a burden,
to her happiness,
her future..

Fate? Destiny ?
choose to stay by her..
always hope that things can be back to the very first..

Eng oral, out with ben and CH for BB ...

md: raining

It was raining heavily just now at woodland, it's getting late, her hp is off cos low batt... wonder how is she now...

MTG ...
Took a class of 8 with alysa.. thanks to her, I am not dead handling so many kids (4-6), with 2 very young ones. the rest were fine, they were very motivated in what they need to do. :)
As compared to others trainers i think i am the worse trainer of all ba.. -ve thoughts.. have to think in the direction of how to help the kids improve ! get gg! guess she will have some hard time drying her shoes... hahas pai sei..

that feeling ...

broke it again,
was it,
unknowingly,
purposely,
'cannot be botherly',
or
was it just an misunderstanding?

waiting ...
waiting ...
faster vibrate phone !

Just a few mins of being together,
having lunch,
even just having some snacks,
i am satisfied.

This 'few mins' hope,
has always been hard to fulfill,
was it really so hard,
or was it cant be bother...

care more,
bother more,
will you?

'hope the ray of shine will be back again'

ORAL TMR .. DEAD ! haiz

210807

md: sunny

- collect back my lappiz
- a cute litta girl tapped my knee and smile at me
- trg
- study with her :)

17th & 18th aug

md: breezy

Won 2nd for bi-lite ind catergory unexpectedly! Beep! Everyone arnd seem to be swimming so fast,while me, still maintaining the slow pace swim. filp! 1 lap done, there was a guy ran out of energy in the first lap after his start sprint, soon there was another having cramp... 1.. 2.. 3.. .. 6 finally out of the pool, which was at the 3rd last position.. haiz ..Rushed to the transition area, which unluckily, mine was located at the furthest corner. I heard people cheering one of them is jess and the little monster i think, faster ! Down the slope i was pacing glenn then slowly overtook some of them then jereome at the bus stop, no sight of mattew, not even at the far end corner, he was fast. While reaching the finishing line, i heard cheers all around, even from the loudspeaker. Thanks everyone =) people in the team like yk, LF, jin, jess, adriel, ZW (ah pek breakfast! haha), also the hardcore trg team vonn, peg, matt and the rest. many things happen during this event, WS have her 'thing' which resulting to inconvinence but nevertheless she completed her event :) YK too ran after a butt fall and with his muscle ache :) the never die spirit ! hey people! 'I really loves you guys as the team' :)

met her up after the event:) shared with her my joy. To her: I will always want to treat you the best i can, hahas if i treated you badly any point of time mus complain to me kies ? hehe luv u

18/8
Late ! met peg, jess, adriel and jin for the op open water trg. Jess is having some family problem regarding to the commitment to the IG. really hope that her parents will understand her, hope you wldn step down so soon. SLOW reaction time! not SMOOTH enough! not FAR enough! not FAST enough! aWWwww, these were the things for beach trg. went to hawker after trg, talk alot with litta monster. tired.. craving for popcorns .. slurpPp ! currently listening to S.N.E.S album, the musics i love.

' Habits, they make you or break you' - Sean Convey

md: breezy, 12/08/2007

Ytd was a great day with her :) but unable to complete watching the disturbia.












LS Still water




today ?F12A, my code.. Great.. haha after the things end, it seem like a sort of relive, no DQ. phews.. although there's no winning for us at any event this year, i belive that they can do better nxt year! =) go RP lifesaving ! also thanks everyone in the team for the encouragement :) her too(for the nice simple msg) :) nxt RP biathalon on friday... oh ya it's gary birthday ! haha he kanna sabo by his NUS lifeguard team ! LOL.












< the girls








< PYK in action







< cools in shades









< dragonfly in action