wat's wrong?

wat's wrong ?

For the past few days, i have been pondering over my character.i felt that i have been too proud to the small extend of looking down on others.I shouldnt be . If this continue to happen, i will fall badly one day before achieving my goals and things and people around me will change drasically toward me. now i must have the word humble in my mind. must do some reflection on my own character. Understand myself , what i wanna be...."humble...humble...humble... a good code of practise in moulding a better character", "don bother about others achievements , move towards own's dream"

23/06/2005

Packed/slack day of mine

Early in the morning went for why IG meeting, then allocated to forensic workshop, sianZ kanna wat secetery post SHARK , I HATE ADMIN STUFFS!!these stuffs are no life to me!! jus becos i say something inappropriate in the meeting then kanna sabo by the year 2s, but nvm haha, since in that case no choice learn to do admin work lolz, must try to do the best in it.Hmm later in the afternoon wanted to meet CH at queenway to buy sandals , shark him , meet at 12 , 12 then wakey !!nvm , then when to take train from redhill to the end then back to redhill, sleeping inside the mrt , don feel like getting off manz hahaz.Then went for RP judo session, today didn do much training, more on the preparation for the demo coming up in a month time, Slacking all day long, but today got to learn more about rolling breakfalls!! so many styles, manage to roll without hands. Later in the judo training, ran dori with a guy which has represent s'pore b4, looking at him .. half morale gone , packed with muscles, somemore brown belt, kanna threw all the way. NVM, hahaz, he shall be the next person i wanna beat in judo, he shall be my drive to train harder!I WILL MAKE IT ONE DAY!! hmm , next is RP astronomy, learn lotsa method of find constellations,but all this i know liao , NO LIFE today too cloudy then cannot see any star in the pratical session then learn to assemble the scope. Overall i make lotsa new friends today, people with common past identity , common interest, from WHY IG and RP JUDO!!"friends are brought together by fate, and time will separate them again, effort is needed to maintain friendSHIP, just like a SHIP needed to mend when there's a hole, treasure times together b4 it's too late=)"

mE.mYself

mE.mYself

Finally after years, without father loves, i felt some care and love from him, from a irresponsible to a more caring father. Thinking back, if my family were the heart of mine, this small part of it has always not been completed. Although the small part of it has been missing in the past, however there were always be someone who filled it up tempory, which give me the feeling of father love=) although one of them has passed away last year, all in the sudden, make me felt loss in the sudden. People and animals who has accompany me through those days(teaching me, influence me, molding my present thinking/mindset) they will live in my memories forever, till the day.... hahaZz forget these stuffs, now have been bothering over commitment thingy, work, cca, school & mca(my curricular activities). Currently these commitment are, school, npcc, judo, handball, astronomy, tai chi... ... sianZz no life, finally on this day, my commitment will only set to first Education, then Judo, NPCC, work that all for this year. The rest, free then go lolz. hahaz, Education- make it to University then become a occupation which can save life(wether it's human, animal or plant). Judo - Train hard and win compeition, mastering harai and ugi mata. N.P.C.C - win top 50th placing in Campcraft compeition 2006, win first 3 placing in drill compeition 2006, teaching the NCOs of becoming leader , UOPA silver 2007. work- saving for course for violin 2006, motor and car license 2007, bike 2007, futher education. "i dream, i see, i draw, i move, i reach!"

A daY of meetinG

09062005

waOoo, met alots of "long lost friends" today. hahazZ, saw Huilin while i was going to popular , didn notice her until she called out my name(how blur can i be?), met her twice in the same day, lolz, wanted to tok to her but don noe y jus don feel like toking as i was too tired. Then met HARDCORE while i was on the way home from school. There was a feeling of happiness when i saw them, the feeling just came by itself.=)

02062005

Lame incident

Ytd got to know a new friend through En Meng, which is told by EM that his is a lamester ... And today, i met with a lame incident while buying food in the main canteen.wah..While i was waiting for my food, there was a person who kept looking at me,i find her fimilar but forgot where i saw her before, i tot " i did something wrong manZz", then i tried thinking back, 'did i cut Q?' but there was not Q , then Y is she kept staring at me manZz, then she asked me whether was i working at TB's SL, of cos i nodded my head, then she say no wonder she find me so firmilar . KAOZz, made me thought that i offended her without noticing, LOL, no life . Then after work, while walking down the station, then a thought strike my mind, i met this ger during the SAS orientation, correct? i also not sure? whatever!! ,haiz this holiday is so packed with camps, i have a total of 3 camps and 1 3days event which occupied 2/3 of my holiday , kaoZz , then how to work? SHARK LA!! like that got life but... haizZ whatever la, let fate decide lolz. "till today my mind is still wondering around aimlessly..."

Fight with the rights

2505

Today, an typical busy day of mine, went for a boring talk in the afternoon then rush back to class to complete presentation. When will i get the first A in enterprising? so tiring, then after school , rush back to EVSS to collect MY 'O' certificate, looking at the cert with a BIG D7 in first subject make me feel that i am so useless. hahaZz today Juen Juey make a remarkable and unbelivable achievement in studies, he make it to level ranking 16th, good for him , his hard work has paid off. hahaZz Then went to Judo @ katong, yeppiZz, got promoted to orange liao finally !! but think that my skill was still lousy.. when can i make to JJ and vincent standard ? FREAK , got my knee injured again, hurt alot compared to the previous one. NO LIFE MANZz .. "learning martial art is not to abuse it, but to uphold the right and protect it" , " a real martial artist is someone who respect his opponent and others , and doesn't have the mentalities to injure or kill opponent ."" martial art are to trains one's paitience and endurance"

aN idotic daY of minE

whaT iS hapPeninG 2 mE?

today went swimming with ah ben , choon hong and JJ , wah i CMI manzZ, no more stamina liao, i can't swim 20 continuous lap, keep taking short rest.saddening .. Cancelled the outing with HL and PM to the whatever park, forgot liao, postponed it. went to SL to do FLD, crap lehz, what is happening to me manZz, go there just to acc someone??kKz(stop this no life topic) kaoZz , i am in deep shit manzZ, why am i kept clinging onto the past? just everytime the mrt i took passes by tanah merah station, memories i should forgot kept flashing back, and this happen everyday, what is happening ?now i dont even know myself, everyday getting sadder and sadder(more and more no life le) . "without me, u will lead a happier life" , " i m jus a guy who is unable to provide happiness" , " the happiness of the star was what matter the most " In my life till now, i have met 3 stars of mine and let them just flew across me, without trying to catch them, regretted ? i oso dont know.. i let them go.. because i felt that .. i cant provide happiness to them , so why tied them up and hide their shines to others ? maybe one day they will find a better one compare to me .. (no life )

Life ever since school started

Life ever since school started 29/4/2005

Time flies so fast that 2 week in RP has passed.First thing first, what was the lesson like in RP? lolz, the lesson structure is very simple every day. For first year, got 5 moldule which mean 1 moldule/day, and in everyday can simply put it as come to school, do presentation, go home.hahaz that's PBL life in RP i guess.Hmm, everyday wakey just like the secondary school days(wah lao no life manZ), then meet sab taking mrt, although the meeting time was early, but we will always late alternately, in the end, almost late for class lolz.That freaking one stop centre doesn't seem to receive my photos manZ, then didn't got the student identity card,wat the shark!Heard that RP is opening Judo club soon, heheheZz.Got to knows lotsa new friends there, guess the whole class should hav know me by now hahaz.My first week daily grade was... alright la i guess, got 1A, 3Bs and of cos 1C.hope to get at least all Bs this week. hahaz my goals for every week is to improve my grades till a day i got all As hahaz then move from personal to group, helping my teamates to scores As and lastly, which was i think impossible was scoring As as a class. Challenging every problems, everyday.whop, started work at shilin, got to know some people there, which was compilicated to me but the boss was quite good la, every time go there to flour chicken or fry chicken or do egg creep (life's low) and what's most sickening was doing cleaning up at the end of the day.hmm, no more NP parade in green view for the time being, can rest more on saturdays but have to be bother the ATC proposer in june, hahaz but lucky got wci cindy doing it, so dont needa bother much.so tiring then still got work, haiz sunday oso got work then sometimes Fu Hui got events coming up, don't know how xia.Because of work cant go to taichi liao, hope sensei will understand me.if there's free time, i will sleep and rest.

14/4

a day in RP

today, went to FOP2 conducted by the chiron club. stupid chiron club, lied in order to have more people to go today, they told us that today will get the student identity pass, which i was looking forward to it. basically, i need to thanks the chiron's cm for having trying to make today fun for all freshmen in SAS. But they should have some wet activities plan, cos today activities seem to be somehow a cork up one to me. hmm, today is a day of abit of fun and alot bored, mayb i have been to too many of this kind of activities? or i have some atittude problem? Today got to know lotsa friends, but mostly from biomed.One of the members in my group which look alike like zhengxi and has the same name as my sister , manZ this world is small(can someone make it bigger?jkjk).notice a ger which was in the same grp with me during the FOP, like ZY but white colour de lolz hahaz, the look is abit like ZY but the seeing her remind me of ZY.wat most fun to me today was the chair game, our team won the game and everyone was so happy(hi fiving).This team was a great team, but one thing lacking was a leader, someone who was willing to stand out and bring the team spirit up and lead the group.today due to that some times was too boring, kept moving to the dreamland, mind kept thinking about things. sianzZz.slept in the train again, lucky today didn overslept, wakey when the door just open.

11/4/2005

Another typical day of mine

borrow another 2 books from library,1 is about singapore dogs, another about aikido.Then went to work, doing same old stuff, then accidentally got a cut on my thumb, crap manZ, first in my life time got cut by a can. Then dont care about it, continue cutting the peach. then shifu notice it, and kept insisting me to put on the plaster, cause the wound kept bleeding even after i apply direct pressure for a few time.In the end she stick the plaster on my thumb, i hate plasters and bandages, make me look so weak lolz,recalling the past injury i had during atc and someone helped me to bandage it.Feel like removing it. Got to know from huilin that they got silver in syf, cool manz, feel happy for eastview=) two thumbs up!! haiz when will ev npcc get a UOPA gold?things i can do for ev npcc is somehow limited as i was posted to gv npcc. hope that i hope i bring up the standard of both ev and gv npcc, and bring them to higher level. wakey 6 in the morning later going for FOP.

6/4/2005

6/4/2005

today, meet ah Ben and song de for BB. Then jason joined us not knowing that we will be leaving at 11. Have quite a fun morning playing street match with those guys.After that, Jason and ah ben, came to my hse, Ah ben did those typical stuffs he usually did whenever he came to my house, get a cup of water and sat infront of my computer,but it's okie larz as he was my "cousin" ma.ahben saw my laptop which i brought the day before and wanted to use it to try the wireless connection, whereby i strictly don't allow it as it was againest my principle for using others things without permission. The wireless connection can be connected to unsecure homeuser.Then during the evening, saw huilin then follow by yangee at the tampines interchange, while i was rushing for an job interview. wonder how yangee knew my name when i didnt really know this boy. but whocares ? the more friend the merrier ma. The reason for me to get this job at tiong bahru because Ark is too complicated for me to understand( not the job itself but the inter human relationship)heard that mimi(my shifu) is quitting at the end of this month, due to some misunderstanding?btw i think that A shouldn't judge a person work performance just by one day itself, she shouldn just find the fault of others, she should oso look at the strength of others. To me,i think that a good leader, should magnific the strength of the followers. Second reason was that tiong bahru was nearer to my school and i just have to take EW line to reach tamp instead of transfering train here and there.thirdly, the boss has agreed to put me in the 6-10 shift, for this timing, i dont needa rush for the last train. Lastly, it has a slightly higher pay compared to Ark.If i am selected, i dont see the reason staying in ark. After interview, i fetched a cab, intending to rush for judo, but i was caught in the traffic jam.Looking at the time and meter ticking passed, my heart also accelerated. By the time i reach katong, the training has almost ended, and i have to pay for the 1hr of waiting time when i caught in the jam, so expensive ma, highly exceeded my budget.What a day!! Nv take cab during the peak hours again.

4/4/05

4th april 2005

Today went to RP with , mh,sab,mk,sd and Jason, to see the laptop roadshow.today was raining all the whole day, it will be nice if i can sleep at home. lolz but travelling from places to places, making me feel so tired.i wore my new shoes today, the feeling was great.My sis found another job for me and asked me to call, the boss asked me to go for interview on this wednesday.Still thinking if the interview was a success, should i choose ark or there?After work, as i return home, sis complained that he is making trouble again.he was drunk again, he argue stuffs with my sis, lucky my bro" was asleep, or else there might be a fight again.He kept complaining that we didnt treat him like our father, but in the first place, he didnt took up the responsibility of taking care of us. And expect us to take care of him. Now i still have to rely on my bros and sis to pay partly for my laptop and school fees.And he!just slacking around not even asking me weather i have sufficient money for my school fees. And both of my brother were serving NS, with only 400 per mth and my sis is studying U. while he, who still can walk and run, only care about himself, his cigarette, his beer! cant he be more sensible?! cant he just be more responsible?! this question has been existing in my heart for decades.

1/04/2005

01042005 friday

Today, i was called down to eastview for temp replacement for hider in the speech day reheasal. Think i have done a v bad job there, hmm but it was proud to be marching in there even it's just a rehearsal . Too bad i wasn't participating in the parade itself , cause i was posted to greenview. After npcc, rush to ark, was late. wanted to took cab but forgot i brought a CD then wallet left $2, sianz took bus to interchange to withdraw some $$. Today at ark was v sianzZ, count $0.10 until eyes going to popz out,such a big packet, then later do cashier, forgot to press 00 at the end, 2nd time making this mistake.As it was late, alicia send me to outram mrt to rush for the last train.reaching home all my siblings haven sleep, then we ended up talking rubbish in the middle of the night, long time ever since we gather and talk.

31/3/2005

problems

i have got the points that i satisfied, the course i dreamed to go, but how will my future be ?I have received the enrolment letter from republic poly,now i have to worry about the poly fees. I have to pay the 1st sem payment and buy a laptop, but my mum was oversea, working hard to support this family. i didn let her know abt this, didn want to keep her worry, keep telling her that i have sufficient. for the saving i having now was only able to afford either the fees or the laptop. wtf, i thought that school fees has to pay only at the end of semester, shitty. now i have to seek help from my big brother and sister but not my 2nd brother, cos he intend to use his saving to buy a bike, dont wanna bother him. But my big bro have to pay for the family bill.so many troubles. sis asked me to loan from bank but i am thinking of borrowing from UD.5/4/05 was the due date. feeling so troubled, "why do i have such a irrespondsible father?". I admire my friends who have their fathers who is respondsible and supporting them. But i am happy living in a family where my brother and sister cared alot for me. hoping that my father will change one day...overcoming barriers and move toward my goals.there'll always be a way out.

26/3/2005

saturday 26/3/2005

wah, so tired early in the morning, slept v late the night before becos of work. then have to wake up in the morning for GV NPCC. hmm, that day , was the day they took their promotion test. I was the examiner for the promotion for sergent to staff sergent test. That was the first time taking a promotion test grading others. out of 11, there's only one failer and 1 on hold. of cos the rest of the 9 all passed. then went home ard 130pm , due to the discussion of the test. Mr Seong was great, he even want to sponor us CIs to attend the air rifle cost. Went to tai chi, hahaz there's 2 new members joining, they were ah ben and hong yan. Then have to rash to work. unlucky day, i broke a cup while drying it, dropped the food on the floor and broke a cap of a flask. Suai ah !! Tired . .

22/3

First step toward my dreamsSs =)

the posting came out earlier then i expected, ah ben called me this morning and told me that the posting was out.mY posting result was REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC BIOTECHNOLOGY R16,whopee my last strand of hope make it!This was my 4th choice.My dreams toward saving life.heeZz.but life going to be tough from then onward.hmm, last night my bro, sis and i were discussing about that i shouldnt work when my sch start. but if i dont work at ark, there will be no income for me and further more when my mum return, i will become a finacial burnden to her. I have thought of the ways of settle my education fees, A: study in the day, work at night,my studies might suffered.B: sign-on JPSDS, for these 3 years there wouldnt be any worries, but there will be 5 years contract which i have to worry years later.C: loan from bank, this will also create problems in the years later. D: rely on my bro,sis and mum, life will be tough for them. which way should i choose ? So many years, i still dont understand why have such a irresponsible father,if only i have a responsible father... my mum told me that something has happen to him in the past that cost him in the current state(slacking and not supporting the family), but shouldnt a guy should be strong and responsible supporting the family of his? even when life's tough ? i dont know whether i sld hate him anot, i dont know what feeling i have to him." i don mind if u have try supporting us, we can endure this together as a family, but u are not even trying. my only good memories with you was when i was v young, u brought us out with a pick-up with lucky around.but the remains were bad memories."Now in my current life, i hav to commit to NPCC, Judo, taichi, work, fuhui... blah blah blah.. hahaz, stop talking about these stupid stuffs liao. this was just the beginning of another stage of life where i will grow stronger and think deeper.hahazZz, i realise something today,"people show off because they wanted to share with u their achievement,because u r somebody to them,they wanted to share with u the feeling of that they finally make it to their goals,to the destination they have set.that's the sense of achievement" where u can only feel it after hardworks toward your goals or when u realised ur individual talent.however if u felt that this friend of yours is showing off to u, that mean u r jealous which is a feeling u shouldnt be feeling,instead u should be happy that u have such a friend that willing to share with u their's successes,and by sharing this might motivate u to do something that u nv thought of achieving it. i belive that success is something that comes with understanding(talent), hardwork and of cause some luck.

19/3/05

19/3
today-tiring plus boring day:ark holding function, hav to clear up all the mess by myself
.wat's life abt?
.skip taichi again,cos work starting at 3
.borrowed 2 books. abt ninja .haven read yet

18/3

18/3
-sunny
-playing armies of exigo
-ark:learned how to make mix fruit tea, paradise dream, taught by mimi
"do everything with the best u can do, leaving no regrets behind"

11/3-17/3

days passes so slowly

11/3
-reported to mr seong @ GVSS
. felt so uneasy working in a new enviroment with new people
.mr seong: a responsible teacher in charge
.take pride in his achievements
.daring
.well-organised person
-helping out in EVNP(NPCC sv day)
.didn really help out alot
-EVNP sec 1/2 camp

12/3
-first parade @GVNP
.V tired due to that i only slept 2hrs the night before
.hope that i can do something to buck up their drills
.their system were far different from EVNP:rely most on NCOs ,CIs over looking things like OCs probably due to the past of not having CIs to run the unit.
-at hm sleeping like a pig (too tired)
-skip tai chi lesson due to over sleeping
.felt so bad for skipping taichi class, felt that i have let sensei kong down

13/3
-helping out for GVNP sec1 camp
.only have 1/2hrs sleep due to the tying of rope obstacles
.only 2 helpers, helped me
-Ark interview

14/3
-release from camp
-overslept, late for first day of work at ark

15/3
-work at ark

16/3
-EVNP CD trip
.talk alot with mr yeo on the way back, he taught me lotsa things
-katong judo
.fun,my spirit is back

17/3
-pass CD trip attendent to Nan
.met Liyana R on the way there
-ark

09/03-10/03

tiring day

didn slept for the night in the chalet, then finally can catch some sleep during 10++ ,hahaz then the cherry kept disturbing us(those who wanted to sleep) finally she settled down then can get some sleep liao,hahaz, after a while stomachache, wah!! after coming back from the toilet, cherry sleeping liao. then during 11, mi and orange tried to wake her up but useless she was sleeping so soundly, after sometimes finally waked her up.then after awhile everyone has waked up, then TCS lolz, feeling so sleepy. went to np teach those sec 3 rifle drill, after tat still got judo training, wah so tired. wakey next day sore throat got worse with flu, sickening, feel weak.