md: --

ytd went to ah ben hse to study english right after wl lesson + meeting.. saw cockroach in the lift ! woaH! haha if you were in the lift i bet u will be laughing at the stupid reaction of this 3 guys in the lift when they saw a flying croach!

so today.. O level Eng! cannot make it i think, dumb me forgotten to write the question number on the cover page for paper 1... till paper 2 then i realised it.. dead shit! then went to TP with ah ben, to submit his leave application, that the good thing about RP : self declaration ! haha saw JASON! then vincent and gang and the most shocking part was someone who walked up to me and say hi ! i was like .. er who is that .. and that person was QM, my sec classmate... then opp EVSS coffee shop, saw sensei steven ..RISK! RISK! haha have risk with ah ben, CH and my brother, er I win!:x thanks to luck. work.. really like to teach kids in small classes, i find that then they will be able to benefit more, hmm mayb is just that my ability wasn't there to manage bigger classes.

i am getting berserk again!! haiz why like tat, i really hate myself for being like tat.. and I lost myself again, after trying so hard to get myself back the past few days.. I guess i know things, but i need to comfirm, face the reality idoit ! wake your damn sense up! someone ...

md: low

left class early, wanted to study eng but haiz the running nose and headache .. jus felt so uncomfortable. Unable to concentrate.

swim away all my sorrow i hope ..

walking away from the city, to the isolated town ...

md: -dwn-

reali idoitic! i wake up at 12 plus then 3plus then 4 plus again, but I OVERSLEPT! and i woke up with a v bad sore throat.. then went to drink alot alot of water !! hope to recover.. yaWns.. didn go sch cos don noe why, mayb really need sometimes to sort my brain out ba.. then went to sch manage to study some format, then Bb with vonn, clarence and peg bud. fun! but hope i didn hurt my bud with the ball, so sorry about it.. anyway bud ! nice conversion of the song lyric !

went home, argH! that irresponsible guy of the family argue with my brother again, door slamming, vulgarities... then still threaten us to pay rent! i mean wtf ! this house 80% is paid by mum CPF ok! u got no rite! i pity him, but i hate him too... if only u were more sensible, i guess this family wouldn't reduce to such a state, the way ur children treat u.. ask urself what u have done for us then ...

why why why !! everything isn't simple ! it's complicated... everyone is out to kill each other.. just for their own benefit.. is this what the world should be ? do i really have to put the mask on to face the world ? haiz

okok i was thinking of contributing to the society, hmm but what should i do? hmm i don have $$... nowadays, the most i do going to those charity swim..

md: aRgH!!

today i am really angry over what tigor have done to me! i wasn't treated as a teammate and i don no for wat reason, he's have made my grade for today suffered. Disappoint about that... ok in th lab, i shared with him my findings, giving him ideas. if not where he got the idea of combining the graph together?! how he know about the 2 types of liquid in the first place?! i am not trying to claim credits, i treat u as a teammate sharing. But U ? you spilted the work according to your own idea, without asking. there were others in the team who not in class, you gave them any share, what about me? i don giv a damn whether you are a 20 odds 30 guy ! f**k you man! if u treat me like a shit, don expect me to treat you as a teammate in the future! Now i am sure that the tupid faci mus be thinking that i am slacking when i am not...

Mel! THANK YOU! =) for the smiley cup cake! haha training today er slack.. have a great talk with peg and clarence. vonn thanks.. reach home.. msn with butt once in the blue moon, thanks! i finally can say sorry to her after 3 years? shared some past..

' too nice? deserve a better girl ?' haiz..why girls i like have the same mindset?4 year ago, present... what's the meaning behind it? is that something wrong ?

md: --

Went to sch, planning out the night Hunt route with long fei and vonn, explored the hidden side of the sch, admiratly park, actually RP IS BEAUTIFUL! :) just that we didn take some times to explore it!

i felt really bad knowing that my training buddy have train and injured, and i was the main factor. mayb i shouldn't have ask her to train when i want to, maybe i should have gone alone.. then no injuries. Sorry buddy. ok there's something i want to achieve, is to correct her stroke and get her confidence for comp swim, cos buddy can do it, jus some confi.

I guess the best thing for me to receive before leaving Aquatic will be 1) seeing bud and vonn improve in their swimming (maybe i just don wan them to follow my footsteps ba) 2) have a better management team for the IG, i felt really sad for the IG as i am not good enough ba.

'somethings are suppose to be hidden , and shown it only to me, myself... '

回忆的声音
播在夜里
像是一首旋律
多么美丽
那时我很肯定
你是我唯一
眨个眼我们就各分东西
再说我爱你
泪把心占据
却有些甜蜜
让伤心被允许
说过的话语
做过的事情
像歌曲陪我每个冬季
纪念着我和你相爱这主题

时间早已忘记
分手时候的无情
你给的美好回忆
让我有怀念的勇气






今夜想为妳唱首歌
请妳别急着说要走
眼神交会的那一刻
妳低头避开我

妳说妳并不适合我
渴望拥有更多自由
就算给妳再多温柔
妳还是不快乐

妳抱着我 说要分手
要我答应当妳最好的朋友
就在妳哭着离开以后
我的心早已经被泪水淹没

为妳第一次唱情歌
面对第一次分手
我好想对全世界说
我爱妳不要走

当我第一次唱情歌
那种心痛的感受
我好想妳 这心情谁能懂

md: --

today.. napfa test.. ok i pass with a dull colours, 1 5pt, 1 4pt, 3 2pt and 2.4km don know the timing. manage to brush through the '2 pointer' silver line. well wasn't really happy about my performance. peg bud and von was there for swimming, they were standing some where watching er sort of motivation la. owed bud 10 laps of swim becos i pass, eh where got such thing de?! suppose u should be the one lehz... LOL... anyway how i hope she's there ? ok buddy swam alot today, but her stroke made the same mistake as mine.. haiz.. no wonder jess say that she was similar to me in the past, must correct her stroke, so at the v least she wouldn follow my footsteps. ' no one suppose to be left alone, but there are exceptional cases ... '

i am sorry, i guess i still cant get over it. Just feel sad whenever alone. have to shift my mindset back on track ... ok my daily grades was suffering.. this sem scare i will flung my 3.5 hope...

md:--

her Os sci prac today, along with her science UT. ytd was searching for help but all my stuffs were thrown away le. there's nth much i can do, even though i wanted to help. but think it's abit too late? hope that luck will be with her during the test, jia you wor :)

md: --

today ...
the decision is made,
those promises made,
i'll remember them... u too :)

we might not be bgr,
i noe it's for the better of each other,
in the future protect urself,
make wise decision,
another thing ! haha choose a guy better than me! in term of how he treat u, respect, caring, understanding...
stay happy...

i will be there to protect u always,
whenever u need me,
that's one of the promise of me to u right ?


'saddness remains in the heart..'

md: --

i wonder what's in her mind... waiting for her nudges, waiting for her call...

haha, lesson end, buddy al, mel and yong li have made things funny, after a long day of serious work :) ok i know there are people out there having some prejudice againest some ppl, but removing the 'coloured spec' u will understand others better.

Swimming .. ok the coach was late for about 1 hr? anyway finally realise my mistake in stroke le !:) although it might seem late, but just do it! thanks the coach for telling me and correcting my stroke, finally i can improve.. now i am able to 'practise make perfect' in my swimming. haha clarence, have became my good friend, although i have know him for v long. he's actually a great guy, and now he's changing to better, jia you clarence ! haha the 'holy lotus' :)

tupid don noe who kept calling the hse phone .. i thot is her.. hope it her .. but ya it's not her...

md: --

wo ke yi

寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听

雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你

我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你
幸福它真的不容易

this is e song.. k6i 2 y3e .. mY thoughts mY feelings

md: --

wow.. 2 men team with sophia jie today, then shirleen came at 1030am! LOL .. see other team full full de, only our pathetic team with only 3 person ..urm and both person absent was my clasmate for the previous day module, haha mayb it's my fault ? LOL thanks sophia for accompanying me to the library man and spotting the relevant topic to me. mai siao siao although 3 person, we got a fast typist (u should really take a look at how shirleen type man!) and fast 'scanner' (haha sophia is really good at analysing information!).

ok nxt nxt.. brought a kit kat which melted in my pocket ! sian cannot giv her liao.. oh ya another thing was wishing long fei an happy birthday! ya sorry for not attending the birthday lunch today, have alot of work to be done for the ppt. 5 mins .. nah .. sian.. what is she thinking? hmm wondering .. guess no more swensen le, this mth anni hmm can forget about it le ba :( went trg for nafa with jg and bud, er ok i cant make it for SBJ and SR .. saddening..

ytd decided not to continue lifesaving AM le.. reasons? i not swimming fast enough, i want to have more time (so when she's free, i wldn be busy), need not to train so hard anymore also, the pocket wldn have the big big hole, anyway no motivation to move on further... sorry guys ..














haha here's the pic we took during first break out, rather interesting .. wan zai nu nai ! hOT kid! haha

md: cloudy- sunny

in the bus... on the expressway... don noe why just kept listening to zhu ti qu.. hope the ending will not be like that ...

today.. hmm working, 3 continuous lesson, I guess i treated them too kind le, all climb over my head! gRrr no basic respect at all! then this time round didn really make the lesson really relax, one of them got too demoralise in one of the activity and turn moody:( then second lesson 6 students, er ... worse thing is one of them even forgot to bring student kit, i was like -_-"'. cant really focus on the 'needy' ones, i wanted to help evaangeline but in the end i cant la, they were too noisy le. One thing that have make me felt happy was that evanangeline did improve ! she's able to count and pass all on her own! GREAT! :D but she forgot to take her children day gift home... then nxt class all ar .. er like tat lorz.. nxt week mus push them harder so they will improve ! yEAH!

she called me !! and msg me during the lesson! :) i don noe y, but i felt happy even it's just an simple task. really hope dist will get nearer but not further anymore.. pray pray .. nowadays even lesser talking le .. wanted to ask her out for dinner, oo but she got work.. so nvm ba..

md: ---

today? lesson = bad bad, totally owned! haha anyway i deserve it, who ask me to slack down so much.. LOL anyway i admit that i have became much lesser compeitive le, mayb it's due to my classmate, my friends, as friendship is important too =)
I finally do some push up and some personal training at home today, well it's just some simple training, if not aWwww.. it have been so long every since i train at home myself.. about half a year ? guess it's due to the lack of motivation ba. hope one day she will really read the link i send to her, her's tmr didn became today :( anyway, understand her!tupid mE! ... oh ya heard that those junior passed their test! well done ! =D

md: low ..

today? a boring day! didnt attend lesson, training... felt so wierd.. and didn get to see her at all? all becos of the PP poster, or rather my poor time management ba.. the feelings of being alone is .. awWWww... the period of waiting the poster to be printed seem to be so long, although it is just a short 1 hour, wandering around like an idoit, then saw a crowd listening to a guy talking about feng shui then listen abit .. even went to see those home appliances. If only u agree to acc me, i guess things will be different.. :( friends.. television.. thinking of what to cook for her ... is she thinking the same things ? nah ...

save as draft ...

md: sad

really trouble, BGR, care too little: neglected, care too much: possessive, then where's the moderate line? hmm...

why should i think for other's ? hmm.. no idea.. isn't understand myself, think about myself is much more easier then understanding others, think for others?

Read my own friendster comments, felt so swt, esp what she have written for me.. also felt that i have really neglected someone whom i shouldn't.

Assurances is needed...

md: --

happy day with her ytd,
although it's a simple day,

rem tat..
gg to swensen on 7th of oct or anywhere ard the week,
she love e white wine,
e 'countryside' restuarant?
e bird soaring in the sky,
2 watch show.

md:--

today, really have lotsa funs with the kids, for all the classes. lessons seem to be more fun. looking at them having fun, and practising, i felt relived. After lessons wonder how is she le.. pray and hope that she will get well tmr..

all of the sudden when i reach home, i felt extremly sad, thinking of all the past. Felt really useless, even when she's sick, i cant do anything about it. Remindin me of stuart, my beloved dog, who died as we send him to a clinic instead of hospital. I saw him walking so weakly, but i jus cant do anything .. ever since i was young alot people say that i shouldn be in this world, i just don noe y, and what's make them think that way, and they were my relative. why cant my family care more for me? also her by jus abit more ? things on my side always requires double efforts, but to others mayb just a flick of finger, as easy as abc. Ok i am getting crazy, getting really emo for no reason, guess this is wat happen when everything piled up and exploded ? and no one is there for me ba. sorry ...

e memories ..

md: drizzy

back to work in GWP this evening, the feelings was kinda.. hmm don noe how to say, but i really miss the people there. but becos of some reason, i jus don wanna go back, as some tupid ppl might think that i need tis so desperately. ok i really hate him alot, he doesn fit to be a manager there ! ok others blackies were better except for him, at the v least they appreciate my presence. that was e past then... sound really childish rite ? haha..

back to work today, in the whole tudor ballroom, only 5 old staffs, the rest = new staffs (most from impact). ok then out of this 5, i think only 2 working. therefore in conclusion, only 4 staffs working in this ballroomm of 21 table, 2 oldies, 2 newbie. it's tat litta secret... I kept thinking of dear, suddenly recalled that the first time i noticed her was a CWD at tudor (not sure issit her first day of work at GWP anot). I just kept thinking of her, thinking and thinking back to the past.

That time we promise to get each other a present at 31st, tat time she added me in friendster, that time we went out together, the time we hold hands together, that time she bake cookies for me, the time i went to her sch jus to pass her something, the time i met her after her sec sch, the first time she hugged me, her's and mine first () at west coast... but thinking backi suddenly felt that i m just not good enuf for her.. WHY in e past i didn treasure her as much as i do now? why in the past i always tot of working, judo, lifesaving, studying and left her alone? things were good after her O levels, things change, she start to prefer living w/o me... at her friend chalet she stated break out, but we did not... the birthday celebration at PRP... she didn brought or do anything for me.. soon after, new year day, her feelings faded, we broke up.. 6 mths later we are back together, finally i knw that she hated the feeling of being neglected.. I have been trying hard, so that she will nv feel alone... but few mths after, things really changed, she broke my heart again and again, she neglect me n my feelings , nto appreciating things i did for her, why? thoughts wondering ... is that a pay back? or she got back to me becos of pity? or is it that i am just to sensitive? past .. present .. what will be the future?

just like i msg her,
fate got us together,
being together with her is a blissing,
as she called me dear i really felt happy,
when she cared for me i felt fortunate...

all these is from the bottom of my heart..

even just a single 4 letters words, i am really satisfied,
a call from her, asking me to care for me is enuff..
nowadays i didn ask for much more le..

I waited for u every night cos tat's the minimum i can do..
i really want to protect u and acc u home...
buy u e things u like...
gg the place u like ...
eating the things u like ..
but i knw i cant .. cos u wldn allow me to .. and i hv to respect ur decision ..
pls respect me too, not taking the minimum i want to do ...

u knw u r tired,
but becos of friends and shows,
u don go to bed,
when it come to me,
u will tell me that: let's talk tmr..
i really hope to share ur happiness, worries and sorrow with u, open up to me ... hao ma?
i really hope that for the sake of me, pls take gd care and protect urself. :'(

md: -

went to redhill to service my laptop, the screen got some prob. then to marina sq - croc shop to see shoes, ate BK don hav grilled chicken again gRrr.. saw a sec sch friend, oh someone i din know la, but got see b4 in the past, so smile lorz. back to tamp, while lining up the sam queue, caught a baby girl looking at me ! haha er i act cute lorz, she smiled =D ! swam, at tamp sc. have an sweet dinner with UD and mum, hehe v full, it has been a long time not filling my stomach totally. He's one of the person closest to me, doted me alot, if only he's my dad. ok nth is perfect.. jus that man can nv be contented or satisfied.

our distant is getting apart, she agree too.. :( i really don wan that to happen. i do noe that i still really love u, but i nv know how to do and what to do. freedom or care alot? which to choose? if now i choose freedom, i fear that i will lose her once again, and tis time rd she might nv be back. she's growing up, changing.. don noe why, i always fear tat sometings might happen to her, how i hope that i can stay by her side always and protect her. missing her alot..