07Feb10. Sun . Breezy

Surf and Sweat is over. completed something she wanted few years back then. It's time to drift away. If there is any 'debt' toward her, it will be clear by now. guilt free . no longer remorseful.

At the start line, A was telling B (which is one of the compeititor in that wave),

A : Must get 1st for this wave uh.

B: But they look strong also.

A: don't worry la, you got the surfing experiences, they don't have, sure win de.

B: *quiet

Lucky A is not one of the participant in this heat ... or else ....

what a cocky attitude, showing disrespect to other compeititors. anyway B came in last in that wave. ' for goodness sake, next time if you want to say such a 'motivation' talk to your friend, kindly motivate behind the back of other compeititors.

- empty feeling, empty heart, empty mind -

CNY's coming, it's just feels like another normal month. Everything became so dead, so meaningless. Even brain is slowing down. Things will only be different after august. that's the only thing i looking forward to. well some might take this 2 yrs or less as a good experiences but i guess to me it's otherwise. It taught me to go againest some principles which i used to have. Guess it's just that i am easily affected by others.

let's think,

if route A negative,

move on to route B,

if route B negative,

move on to route C,

if all route . negative,

find another alternatives . infinate times.

--- " ---

04feb. thu. wind

getting lazier, less motivated ... rotting becoming the pastime that i actually spent most of my time on when i am out of camp ...

i am so detached to everyone around me. even those who suppose to be the closest to me.

it's good not to fall in love, then no one will be hurt.

---"---

28Jan10. thu. Windy

First time I see someone breakdown mentally as a friend. I guess he was confused or stucked in a situation where feasible solution isn't visible. After keeping and wondering everything by himself to his 'limit capacity', he broke down into tears. Hopefully he learnt something out of the experience. Facing the reality in life and the way to handle unexpected situations.

Sometimes the world is ugly when human are double sided. Well infront, bad at back. hmm.

--- " ---

29&30&31Jan10. fri&sat&sun. still wind

- swim, swimming, swam. 10pm-7am @ NTU sundown swimathlon. bored. tired. hungary. cold.

- Sentosa Beach Trg, great ! fun ! i loves BOARD !

- biopharm gathering, pasta, alcohol ice-cream, ramen, chats ! =)

- gym gym gym ---- new forearm trg ! tired ..

packed weekend . fulfilling times =)

adios

----" ---

21-26 Jan

260110. tues. white breeze

Life's sorta monotonous with a little spices once in a blue moon. book out - exerise, clean bike, sleep, eat, go library, buy stuffs at times, book in - hmmm that's life in this vocation, the good things is you are free when others are not, so don't need to worry about long quenes, squeezing bus, heavy traffic, packed gym or shopping centre , but on another side, unable to meet up with friends except those who came from the same shift.

i am troubled as usual. i start wondering about the future and those thoughts and stands that use to hold firm in me. i am clueless again.

" It's not about the beneficial or losing outcome, it just simply right or wrong."

--- " ---

240110. sun. breeze

As we grow, we experiences, we learn and we change from simplicity to complicity.

simply eating --

A baby only need to open his/her mouth to eat,

A child uses utensils to eat,

A teenage often trouble about getting what to eat,

A adult have concern over the monthly expenses on eating...

As we grow, we take up more responsibilities, worrying more things around us..

why moth is being stated as a spiritual representative ? what was the story behind it ?

there a tiny moth landed on my waist, i placed my hand on my waist, slowly it climbed and stop on my index finger as if it want to tell me something.

I tried to scare it away with another of my palm moving right above it, moving so near that i almost could crush it instantly but it remain there unmove as if it read my mind that i am not killing it.

ye: ' haha your ah gong come visit u liao ar! '

kai: ' if it's really my ah gong then ask him to stop the mosquitoes from biting me!'

kw: 'haha this kind of things better dont anyhow say uh ! must repay de hor'

kai: *stoned , " ps uh just kidding de."

then it flew away.

once in my life i felt relief to be stung and suck by mosquitoes that night ...

--- " ---

220110. Fri . Cloudy

There i saw orion belt and hunter right above me. Here i am getting upset and angry over others busniness. Over people who are irresponsible to a large extend affecting others. Things could been better handle by doing necessary things. People often neglect duties and responsibilities. They thought that things could be settled just by saying 'i don't know' when they know, 'I didnt received it' when they received it, 'it's too late now' when things could be settled earlier. 'it's not my duty or responsibility now. I am seriously blowing my top off. I understand that different way of doing things but in my point of view, it's just not right.

someone who seriously dislike people who are irresponsible for their own actions.

' A nice place to chat and chill with the breezy wind and starry sky. '

---" ---

210110. Thurs. Cloudy

It 's up to individual and there's no right and wrong about it, it's purely up to personal judgement, experience and principles.

You cant fault one for not giving up sit to the needy.

You cant blame one for not being as helpful as you.

No one have the rights to do so.

It might go against what you think,

what you want,

but that's life.

you can blame them because you wasnt in their shoes.

mr high income, might think that donating $900 per month is ok.

But mr low income might think donating $1 once a while will be enough.

mr generous might think giving out 90% of your income is something everyone should do,

But mr more responsibilities might think spending on family comes first.

mr helpful might think that helping others should always come the first piority,

But mr workaholic might think finish urgent tasking should come first.

The question is if you are helping something that can be done much later and neglected the more important and urgent task on hand ?

It's just like a man who left with a 10% oxygen tank pass his 10% to a person who left with 20% oxygen and died, when the rescue boat is coming soon. how necessary is it ?

how kind, how helpful ? depending on individual aspect. one shouldnt expect others to see and do things the same as they thought.

you shouldn't blame him, he's 25 and got his own views, stand, piority and ways. you shouldnt blame your son being different from you.

- should we help those who receive sufficient help from others ?

--- " ---

adios

130110. WED . cloudy purple

-- just another day without sufficient count--


blood flowing irregularly,
coldness felt on cheeks,
numbness around body,
vision slowly merges as one white screen,
it's time to gamble inorder to handle situation differently.


white flag,
squat down,
fall out,
then will be blame by many others,
some out there will look down upon,


don't want to be blame,
don't want to be looked down,
don't want to disappoint,
don't want to spoil,
just try the best to finish till the end.


it might just mean
lost of core temperature,
lost of sight,
lost of motion,
then followed by a K.O status.


speeches goes on,
lost the sense of sight,
left with sense of hearing,
listening, concentrating, struggling
lucky as speech ended before the lost of motion states proceed.

Just ended the fight on the ring.
--- " ---

the occurances of careless mistake keep on increasing from day to day. *sigh

everyones make mistake, but he made stupid mistakes...

--- " ---

150110. FRI. Cloudy Blue

MA : same as usual, nothing positive came out from doct. alright 'll take note 'once you lost it, you will never get it back' but i didnt choose to lost it, never once listen to loud music, never visit noisy places frequently, but sometimes no choice means no choice, just hope that planes can fly softer or lesser for the next 7 mths ya ? just pray it remain and not worst ..

have to tolerate those 'not so positive' remarks for another 7 mths,

dont laugh at others lost, it's 'not so nice' to do that

'are you perfect' ask urself this before pouring out those 'not so nice' statements


cos the world is 'not so fair' ,

i mean 'SO WHAT!', that's me.


i am a freaking stubborn person.

sometimes ' i wanna be a bad guy, debond every bonds, ignoring everything everyone. '

---"---

16&17 Jan. SAT&SUN. Breezy Blue

-spy next door : nice hilarious movie 4.5/5 =)
- light gym at JW
- partyworld w UG.

- not that safe rider sometimes.

-- END --

120110. tues. grey wind

it's a new year also separation for alot of couples out there. I wonder why.

01Jan2010. Fri . breezy blue

some interestingg+ lammmmmee eventss

1] @ 01jan 0000-0015 of 2010, first time standing at a area where all 3 locations fireworks are visible
2] @ 1jan 0006 of 2010, received first msg of the year .
3] @ 01jan 0030-0100 of 2010, first time opening gate at the middle of the night
4] @ 01jan 1000 of 2010, first hand over @ 010110 1000hrs
5] @ 01jan 1345 of 2010, first medicine of 2010: duro-tuss
6] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first movie of 2010: Avanta 3D
7] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first time having couples kissing right infront @ a movie theatre (it's not that i wanna notice, it's just that they are kissing non - stop -_-"')
8] @ 01jan 1900-2100, first time visting manhattan fish market
9] @ 01jan 2130-2200, first pillion of 2010
10] @ 01jan 2345, first 200th 'photos' on FB.

--- " ---
sometimes it's not emoing, it's just not feeling well dudes !! hahahha

- the flu + tonnnes of phelgms in my throats = breathing sooo difficult + some minor chest pain + headache

- pi pa gao doesnt works much, hope duro-tuss works ...

----" ---
HAPPY 2010 to everyone! =)

adios.

29dec. tues . blue breeze

-left with flu .

- went giant with sis, got quite some stuffs

- cooked cereal prawns, BUT it was totally unsuccessful, although it's still edible. but it's really troublesome ... shall try making it again next time, but i guess it will be cereal chicken !!

- end of looonnnggg holiday .. alright shall spend my new year eve + 1/2 new year in camp.

-- " --

adios

26th Dec. Sat . purple sun

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to everyone. I dont know what to say, perhaps it's due to my limited vocabulary. but from the bottom of my heart i really want thanks everyone, everybody.

---"---
everything was alright today, except having a mercedes benz flashing high beam behind me up and down lots of time, it kinda really pissed me off, alrd riding at 70- 80km/h on normal road alrd, somemore it's NORMAL ROAD mind u not expressway !! kns sooo angry that i show finger first time on the road ! cant stand it. RICH soo wat ! go own ur own road la ! dont drive on public places la ! kns. 100% no road courtesy ! argh !! alright if there's a next time, i will sure play till the end ! see who win grrrr!!
--- " ---

Alright enough of venting my anger on blog. *puff puff ...

Thanks butt for everything today =) alright i actually spent my actual 21st with a special friend over the past 6 years ? I guess this is special enough ba ... thinking back, thanks for everything butt.

friends comes and go. leaving their footprint in ur mind. time to go on in life, time to face the practicality of life. from the 21st steps onwards, things will be different, roles and duties will be different, mindset and action will be different, people perceptions will be different, expectation will be different...

it might be a simple 21 years of life, or it might be a complicated one. sometimes we dont really have a choice, do we ? we learnt to make decision wisely, so as not to regret in the future. we learnt to do things effectively in our own way, as that suit us the most.

i wonder lots of stuffs endlessly. i realised i have many friends around. i realised that i dont belong anywhere. i realised that people do care for me till the extend it can touches me deep inside. i realised that there are so much more in life.

at times i just hope that certain things can be forgotten.

--- "
a flu + feverish 21st BD ...

adios

25th Dec . Fri . greyish breeze

.Random Thoughts.


I wonder why human remember things ? Why do we have notstalgic feelings whenever we pass by places that we used to familiar with ?


I wonder why human forget things ? Why do we forget things at times we need to recall it ? Why do memories fades away as times passes ?


Sometimes in life we might think nothing about something, wheras others might take it otherwise.


People don't want to remember the past because it's a nightmare to them.


People wants to remember the past because it's a fairytale to them.


Some people choose to let go things because it's doesn't matter to them anymore.


Some people choose to cling on it as a learning experiences in life.


I guess that's life. Somethings happen 'knowingly' while some happen 'unconsciously'.


-- " --


" In life black and white are define by a very fine line but also a very thick zone."


"sometimes in life, chances just come in the wrong time"


-- " --


do pardon me for my poor ang mo ... hahaha


merry christmas everyone ! =)


adios =

20dec09. SUN. orange rain

Finally it's over. the actual day is 6 days away.

happiness, disappointment, excitement, confusion and these were the feelings over the days.

this year was special compared to the past not because it's the start of the route towards adulthood but rather, i am celebrating it with u guys, yup it's u guys who actually embarked onto my 'ship' making it more colourful, creating changes, accompany me through certain part of the journey across the 'ocean'.

i know there were some important people who wasn't invited to celebrated this special day, you guys were impt too however, i am unable to cater to so many people. sorry about that.

---"---

thanks for thoughts and efforts guys =)

[PSR Coasta Sand C06]

--- " ---

14dec09. Mon : purple breeze

now i can understand how chris, LF and Ian felt that period after the burn from exhuast pipe ... the feeling is wahh hhh .. and the 'walk' through those terrain actually worsen it. then plus some water = highhhhh..

slowly bits by bits things are falling in place. but things have to change again, due to my mum decision or suggestions . carry out plan B waahhh .. alright anyway. so use to doing everything myself since young, all of the sudden my mum come in and help hmm like not use to it. but anyway she meant well. but but but i seriously don't like that 'i am still a kid' feeling. people need to experiences and learn. Falling down, moving a longer route, sailing over a tougher sea is part and parcel of life.

another round of headache, keep on going on and off past few weeks. keep on dropping things that i am holding, like just suddenly just let go of the items, and my poor handphone and keys are the most on the 'dropping list'.

I admit that i am just plain stubborn .

adios
--- ' ---

.Wed. 09dec09 . hazy purple .

that spell hits again. cant figure out the root of the problem. was it diet? hydration? psychological? lack of conditioning? metabolism rate? insufficient O2 ? lack of RBC? or issit just the body condition ? i got no idea. it always comes and hit without a reason .

didn really have time for myself the past few days or weeks. Today kind of settled lots of personal stuffs on hands. Tmr will be one of a 'big' day for everyone participating i guess. Anyway tmr will be the first time i wear no. 1. another first time in my 'milestone' .

- Friends -

Some friends are just like clouds and wind,
At certain stage of life they were there,
After which they just disappear from your life.

Some friends are just like a road and track,
They share similar mindset and interest,
As time passes people change and they go seperate ways.

Some friends are just like leaf and branch,
chemistry and experiences make them clique,
some stick around, while some falls leaving a deep footprint in your heart.

the path of fate ?
at every intersection we meet different people.
some stays while some leave.

fated to be friends? fated to be foes? or is it the decision make by one ?

a non sense thoughts and post.

adios

--" --

25nov09 wed : hazy red

' to achieve perfect fairness in the world is 99% impossible, cause the earth is not evenly round'

some people are just that stubborn, refuse to accept others suggestions.

fairness, complications, responsibility, selfishness, autocratic ....

you wldn understand the feelings of it unless u are the one going through it.

mum's back from india

wants to go oversea !!! omg , alright it's not the time yet

--- " ---

26nov2009 thurs : rainy purple

First time I experience a child crying infront of me after coaching so long. guess i sld have put to a stop and not trying to get him over his comfort zone at that point of time haiz somemore he's just a 2 years old kid. it's a thin line between comfort zone and learning new things. have to take things more slowly next time. Seriously i need more experience and explorations in handling kids ... *sigh

sometimes taking public transport is good. can rest, can observe things around .

loves OREO CHEESE CAKE !! thanks sis for that .

oreo + cheese = happy

--- " ---

adios

nowcast: hazy purple

how i hope people around me didn treat me that well.

sometimes i wonder do i deserve such kind treatment from u all ? i feel bad about it. Something i realised, there are times where i didn know how to repay the kindness that you all have given me. But there's somethings i hope to remember 10yrs, 50yrs down the road, that when i was young till now u all are always with me, supporting me therefore i must not forget to repay these kindness. do forgive my selfishness and stubborness at times. thanks uncle dad, lao sim and mum.

if every kind deed is calculate as +1 then i think i wouldn be able to repay all these kindess this life time.

I guess i have sort of forgive and forget what he had done and the damages he cause to us. things went wrong, and he made the wrong choice. He choose to be irresponsible and neglect this family of his. But it isnt his fault entirely, it's because all of us resent him, isolate him, didn give him a chance to chance. I felt sorry for him, although he did not play his part as father, but still i will play my part as a son.

--'--
people wonder why things have to be calculative. why cant things just go in a simpler way ?

however if things wasnt calculative, the world will be in havoc condition. Everything will just be anything and anyhow. Calculation is also a part of order, and fairness. but to what extend, you decide yourself.

any simple sport match can reveal the reality of the world, the practicality of human. it's ugly somehow.

sometime if life doesnt have any feelings or emotions to consider, things will be so much simpler. but think about it again, will you want to leave in a world without care and concern ?

-- " --

Went to Run for Hope '09 , 10km jog with butt. I ask myself what's the reason i am doing it for, for the organisation that organize? for cancer research? for friend ? - i dont know, remain in a blur zone. anyway i guess it doesnt matter.

Just when i am getting numb to the world, someone did something that remind me to be helpful. helpful means helping others we are in need of help, by helping these people their task will be easier and faster, by helping these people they are able to do certain things that are not possible to be done alone. To what extend or under which circumstances should we help, i guess it's up to individual.

bad headache hit again. i cant find out the reason for it this time.

--- " ---

i need a personality change. a change for the better.

nowcast: hazy purple

this is the problem which i might also face in the future. this problem will only arise in middle to low income family, where money is the green light to go or not to go for further study. I guess that's life. We have to make use of what we have in life and work things out. It's gg to be tough, really tough but i know she will make it because of her determination, hopefully things will go smoothly for her. Take a break, sit down and think of the future, think of what we really want in life and how are we going to achieve it. The future lies in our hands.

---

long long week. where there's so much of uncertainties, changes and repeititions. where the only thing to look forward is the time it's over.

tough times like this will reveal the nature of human. selfless or selfish. it's where everyone plays their part to achieve it. 'tough time dont last, tough men do'

make use of every seconds, there will be time for rest .

---

06nov09 fri : windy blue

- K box with sis and bf

- had fav cereal prawn !
do i deserve such good treatment ? i wonder. i really hope the predicted future is untrue. i hope that our siblings bonds will also stay strong and unite.

[dt east][changi]

07nov09 sat : sunny orange

- OW trg . the wave that day was really nice to swim , or issit some sorta psychological effect ?
- didn noe why is there such adrenaline rush throughout the trg ... issit food ? sleep ? people ? weather ? previous day mood ? i wonder ... and for no reason yk is falling in love in doing push ups that day . hmm . strange . - tireness did not appear in my head at all -
- receive 1 x call. quite suprise (big question mark)to hear that he/she is taking off on that day but happy though.
-supper with butt. everyday people die, but how did these people handle death so calmly ? And how did those close ones manage to accept the fact that he/she have to go ? i wonder.

[sentosa][bdk 85]

08nov09 sun : leafy green

- nutrilite jog, stated 4.5k but i feel that it's much lesser. happen to see my sispec buddy there ! yup it's coincidence, kept knocking onto him this week, twice i guess.
- library. books tonnes of books but only restricted to 4 .
- cant resist the temptation of the chicken chop ...

[expo 3] [tamp]

leave leave off off long rest week

31st Oct (Sat)

- dislike the term 'china man', pls don use names like that just because people 'ang mo' is way belows u all.


- i guess that's the problems when people from all walks of life comes together. the tendency to look down or dislike one another. i guess education does plays a part in making friends ?


- rain rain rain
hate it when i have to ride my bike under the rain, esp jus after washing !!

- but no choice, took leave for the RFH runner pack collection

- went through erp gantry without cashcard.

-almost lost in the process but thanks to 'butt's moving gps'.

[regent][sgh]

1st Nov (Sun)

- went to pray

- have a fulfilling lunch with bro at the Tanjong Pagar hawker , nice traditional wanton mee (the tomato sauce type), with soya drink and a plate of cai tou gue wooOOoo that's heaven !

- went for a 30mins jog
it's that cold stingy feeling agn. well i guess it comes once in the blue moon, hopefully it don come during RFH... haiz

[tanjong pagar] [tamp-psr-tamp]

2nd Nov (Mon)

- went swimming with bro
haha he is learning butterfly ! ok la, consider very good since his 2nd time practising =)

- Rotting at home watching (general hospital drama) nice !

- nice chat with vonn, thanks =)

[tamp SC][home]

3rd Nov (Tues)

- went light re workout after hours and hours of self motivation ... haha

- went swimming after butt's first prac then had a rainbow paddlepop which i have been missing for soo long ! =)

- met gwp gang, michael birthday =) LT's treat. realise that i spelled michael name wrongly on the keychain. have great time catching up with them =)

[TNCC gym][bedok][bugis]

- wants to live life to the fullest !
- wants to help needy people but but at the same time dont wanna being take advantages of.

adios

nowcast: dark purple

--"--

Great times with biopharm mates @ JG's 21st =D
[coasta sand PSR F05]

--"--
28oct09

- they heard that i am interested in G, helping me to ask the possibility of getting in. i really appreciate this help. thanks alot.

- now the real problem come. where G vs U.

- my sturbboness and greediness is killing me!

- out with butt.

- watched sister's keeper = nice touching show

- 1st time to iluma filmgrade theatre = quite spacious

[bugis]

--- " ---

29oct09

- woke up at 8 then went back zz , too lazy to swim
- too lazy to get out of bed

- meet butt for farm trip, bike lesson application, was way late to the meeting time.
- love the sight of kranji 'bridge' area.
- went to sungei buloh instead, nice nature reserve.
- waited in the theatre for the show, but the show never start or play. Left after 20 mins of waiting.
- saw tons of monitor lizard swimming here and there. realise they cant stay in water for long.
- saw some slimmy creature not sure what is it.
- saw squirrels .
- saw lots of birds but unsure about their species/ breed.
- saw the growing cycle of prawn, looks similar to butterfly's cycle to me.
- saw a bird lover with a huge camera with lens width as huge as my legs circumference.
- saw some secondary school kids and some kindergarden children.
- saw crabs and fishes.
- bitten by lots of mosquitoes, applied the repellent but was too late.
- saw a female dogs with 4 puppies, watch them swam past the muddy swamp while 1 was left behind.
- almost walked onto a monitor lizard who is lazing at the side of the footpath.
- climbed 2 tower there. nothing special.
- wanted to took a shortcut back but saw a 'no way out' signage.
-caught in that heavy rain while moving off to next destination, totally drench except the butt area.

- went to jurong frog farm, saw lots of bull frog, booing here and there. saw how a dead frog look like, bloated stiff body. jus like a drown human ?

- went to bollywood - poison ivy for lunch, nice curry, drumlets and the ALOE VERA lime juice ! interesting doors and nice ambience. saw their boss, was a white indian i guess, telling the workers what to do with that stagnant water, laugh at her jokes/ remarks to her workers. she came over to our table smiling at us, telling us her ways of caring for the worker 'i only allow them to smoke 2 stick per day, strictly no drinking for them, it's for their own good.' so that they will save up more of their hard earned money. well i agree - all smokers pls smoke lesser sticks !!

- went TM to get some stuffs. but decided to get another thing for that present.
- pocket is in burning. but i guess it's worthwhile.
- bike's dirty after the extreme wet ride...
- decided to go into G, take a step at a time, when the situations arises then move to solution.

- casting everythings aside, keeping things simple.

don wish to - . see his mum, bro, sis, relatives, close friends, friends unhappy. trouble/ rely on anybody. get into r/s. get fat. get skinny. get agitated/ fustrated. do things that doesnt obey his principles. overspend. pin high hopes. reveal his physical weakness. don wish to. don wish to.

[kranji][cdc][tamp central]

---" ---

adios

nowcast: -

drink. drank. drunk.

a good feeling which comes with a bad aftermath ?

some felt it earlier some felt it later.
some able to take more while some lesser.

some says it comes with experiences and 'training'

u know it's happening,
but u wldn care,

cos it doesnt matters, as the world is spinning around u.

thoughts of sorrow,

memories of sorries,

you doesnt know why it's that person out of all.

it's so deep in the heart,

in the sea of memories,

it's painful to recall back.

it's the things happened,

the experiences together,

it's so unique that it stay.

hate to relied on others,

but without them,
you'll nv be home.

it's a once in a lifetime experiences ...

you never felt it, you never know it.

that's life ...

[lao pau sa] [ butter fac - cody's BD]

16/10 - 17/10

- caught unprepared

-last min info

- unable to make get some presents done on time.

- task after task, meeting after meeting, gathering after gathering.

[prawning] [OW trg][dragon gate's tim sum buffet] [ amanda's 21st BD @ K box]

' jia jia you ben nan nian de jing ' - it's another crisis ?