08apr. thu. breezy blue

LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.

- 05, 06, RPLS chalet, get to know more about the juniors, some unhappiness happening around, still we are entertaining ourself when everything's over =) v soon in the near future, wldn be able to see them that much often or rather once in a bluemoon ?? with g trg coming up on all sats, i suppose i wldn be gg down for sat beach trg after this sat, till maybe like i ORD ? haha. the miss the sand, board, sun, sea, my teammates my friends.

- ytd was the 2nd time, higher content, higher effect but less destructive aftermath. great day with shuan, SL and sue. nv want to unleash the other side of me again. Anyway, once i see u as my good friend, you will be one alway =)

- forgot about dental appt in the morning ! damn shitty feeling, thanks them for being so forgiving and change it to tmr.

- ring ring ring, beep beep beep, sooo many text and phone calls from work =( haiz, what's this ?? i am on leave ... and still unable to get away from my task and responsiblity temporary. and well more things to face, more situation to handle next week.Why am i the person keep getting blame for other's troubles, decisions, confusion. tired la !! i need a break from all these.

the top just don understand how complicate things work at the bottom, and the bottom just dont know how to appreciated what they have currently but just keep asking for more.

I tried telling myself, just take it as a experiences in handling people from both the higher up and lower end, but still this ideas just died off easily. Ok at least now every bits and pieces of confusion have been cleared with everything settled down.


'just take it as a learning experience for the future.'

getting more distanced from campmates, changing roles, different duties and responsibilities.

--- " ---

tried looking on the bright side. but things wasnt really gg well on my side ...

all i hope now is to receive a acceptance letter and have my future decide.

I want to go back to the past where by i am able to do things alone without the help of others. all by myself. but that wldn happen i suppose.

can someone tell me my mistakes ? my weakness ? remind me of things I should keep it up ?? haiz

am wasting my time, not spending it effectively but rotting it away.

01apr10. thu. breezy

Finally lonng rest after so long. 1 major event down, left with 2 more parade to go ! never regret choosing this path. No matter how tough life, going to be, i am sure i will make it, cause this is what I hope to achieve.

Anyway make a major mistake/accident during the event itself, while recovering from salutation, scope stuck to right pocket, unable to remedy it, follow by inspection. lucky enough they didnt stop infront of me, if not whole eyes from the spectator stand will be on me. phew ...

alright learn from mistake, next time have to get use to excecuting this drill more 'out' and precise then this will have very low chance of happening.

wants to go k-box !! sian ...

back to rotting ...

---

dim. gain weight

regular gyming/ exerising = gain weights

no workout = lose weight.

no eat / eat too much = not much significant changes in weight.

therefore . workout regularly !

--- " ---

31mar10. wed. Cloudy

It's the 'D-day' tomorrow. Somehow or rather i have lose confident in performing up to expectations. Afraid something will cork up, afraid that i didnt do things perfectly, afraid that no ones correct/ advise me on my mistakes. A weird person, isn't it ? haiz the feeling that some mistake will be make tmr, like what happen in the past.

It's rather hard to mange a large group of people (>40). Seriously lack of rest for the past 3 days, sleeping late(1+), waking up early (5+). Sort of worn out by the routine and those responsibilities given.

dim. body equation.

no sun + stationary standing = cold stingy feelings.

no sun + stomachache + stationary standing = numb, pale feeling

tolerance level to equation = 20mins to 1hrs

--- tested and proven ---

'Exceed, Endure, Excel' -- 3E that suddenly struck my mind.

------"-------

30mar10. tues. cloudy

Alright finally sometimes for myself to spend time alone after 2 days of hectic duties and responsibilities. Saw the ugly and greedy side of them, for the sake of the shirt and laziness sigh*. Probably it's due to my way in handling them ? Too friendly and nice i suppose.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WEN JUN! =D

Heard from some guys regarding some questions asked by certain person. How i hope there will be a situation or opportunity for me to tell this person straight in his face that ' CANT YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSNINESS AND STOP INTERFERING THINGS GIVING EVERYONE A MORE TROUBLED LIFE?? AND STOP BEING SO PARANOID ABOUT US BEING PULL OUT!"
You have no right to judge our training siong anot. cos you wasnt there.
You have no right to say that we were given too much previlleges, cos you wasnt the one who decide what we deserve. (moreover we havent receive any of our previlleges till now and our previlleges are given by those people who saw our hard work and sweats. )
SO STOP COMPARING ! THIS ISNT UR 1 MAN UNIT/ ORGANISATION! You are the one who deprived your people from privilleges, then dont use the way you handle your guys as compare to the way others do.

angry, where i shouldnt.

------- "

swt nostalgic feelings

26-28mar. fri sat sun. Breezy

sweet nostalgic feelings. some actions that happened coincidentally makes me thought about things of the past. I suppose it's just another unecessary thoughts and feelings.

settle camp stuffs till 26th 1400hrs . phuture.zouk w rendall, JG, beatrice, zhen wei, wei sheng, peiying, may.... .... . am : sentosa beach trg, intense land trg =x . pm: diary of a wimpy kid movie finally a 13 hrs slp from 8pm-9am shiok shiok after like not having a proper rest in 28hrs ?!! hahahah sooo is this call maximizing the time outside ?? LOL doubt so uh ! anyway gym session w marv and hh , extreme core trg, not that extreme la but it's alll about abs and back. =)

the period after tired + emo = retarded actions and words =x well LS guys shld know hahaha

Looks can cover with make-up, physical appearance can be elimate with determination (exerise... ), but character don't change easily.

-------
siam !

25mar2010. thu. Breezy

lots of things happened the day before, but lucky that it didnt result to impactful consequences.

Undergoing situation together makes one understand others more. Good thing ? I suppose it's both pros and cons. Sometimes situation makes us change perception on others. Better or uglier ? U decide .

Next week, the most compacted and busy week. where parade practise and gatherings comes in.

---_---_

PSB has certainly became one of my choice after looking into course avaliable in SIT and SUTD in AY2010-2011. At least something practical to fall back on when the applications are rejected by NTU and NUS. 4 months, 136 days to another major turn poing in my life. This time, I shall leave it to fate, what's going to happen 30years down the road shall be decided by this junction.

People often have troubles when choosing what they really want to study, a course of interest? or a course that will earn alot ? If you can imagine what u really wants to achieve in life then things wouldnt be that much of a trouble. But certainly, I have choose interest over money. helping more people over monetory benefits. I wouldnt be rich i suppose, but surely i will help alot of people when needed and create impacts on others life. Hopefully future experiences will only make me more firm on this decision instead my swaying towards regrets and monentory gains.

--- ' ---
adios

21mar2010. sun. storm

Unhappiness occurs when things not going the way you prefer, when unagreeable situations comes upon. First time booking in on sunday. Changes after changes, and more changes are coming up. It's this person again, who have a total different mindset from me or rather the norms. What he does irritates me, as well as going againest my principle of doing things. Hope he does change for the better, when out in a working society out there, he might have hard time struggling given his current attitude and way of doing things.

busy day ...

unhappy topics aside. - -

True love , what exactly is it ? When both parties fall in love naturally by chemistry? When both parties are attracted to each other and the feelings towards each other doesnt fade as time passes? When both parties meet eyes to eyes in the first meeting? When materalistic factors isnt take into consideration in a relationship? I suppose everyone have their own defination to it.

when both parties come together via natural chemistry which comes from within - my defination

I suppose it does exist but only in the minority out in the society. I suppose such things are often ruin my cruel practicality in life. Anyway how many guys out there wouldnt be tempted when a hot and pretty babe getting close? Which girl wouldnt consider a guy with much better eligibility. Certainly there will be people out there wouldnt be tempted. I suppose faithful wouldnt be the 'in' word for the current society where guys find sexier girls, and girls find richer guys.

Imagine you were given a ticket for 1 free ride on any public transport (buses, taxi, plane) the answer is obvious that we will usually choose something that worth more....

--- " ---

adios.

16mar10. tue. cloud

$$ vs tooth.

alright overslept for dental appt, almost late. A cute dental surgeon. alright unimportant things aside. Tooth's root canal nerves removed now filled with temporary filling. 2 more appt to complete the treatment. have to set aside $1K for the root canal treatment cost . OMG . sian.

reflected alot on life.

once someone told me that i will not be rich or poor in life. i wonder .

save save. must curb my spending habit.

want to go back to individualistic personnality. focus. maximise.
--"---

10mar10. wed. breeze

finally 1 day rest.

- toothache -

it's causing sharp pain day and night,
pain from the teeth to the gums
which ultimately ended up at the jaw
it's all due to nerve connections i supposed.

tried some panadol,
then some unknown pain killer,
it's works for the start but not in the middle of the night.
hopefully clove oil works out well.

problem to slp, as pain-killer effect goes off
problem to eat, as food touches it
pain rise as more blood circulates around that area,
solutions is to keep ur head in the position

Booked dental appointment,
but it's 1 mth away from now,
it's either wait or more cost,
shall endure it till mr dentist solve it then.

--- " ---

08mar10. mon . cloudy.

--- " ---
for Jun ORD + soon to be part peeps around me.

Goodbye to you, my fellow friends.
we've known each other after OJT.
Together we mount guard duty,
Learned of bonds and bear's PT,
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.

Goodbye my friends, it's hard to part,
where all the planes are flying in the skies,
Now that vapour is in the air,
Fun and laughters everywhere,
When you hear them, i'll be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun,
But the hills that we climbed were just season out of time.

-- "---

toothaches + jaw aches = possible pulpitis ?? 1 mth ++ to the dental appt =(

04mar10. thu. 1830hrs. rain

here come,there come. misunderstandings from people to people, superior to subordinate and last minute changes. phone calls , messages all days long regarding work even on off day. i need a break, a kit kat. It's never easy to be a in-charge . enough of whining. dislike a life like this.

-- unwilling changes --

the atmosphere turn denser,
the cloud is pouring down soon,
all because of the feelings of everyone.

we worked as a team,
fought as a team,
everything gg to come to a new start soon.

changes may force us part,
schdules may drift us seperate,
but bonds that we carved in one and other will remain always.

--- " ---

03mar10 . wed . cloudy

so many things is happening and revolving around. Changes after changes, events after events. not feeling anythings around. Separation between people you bonded with is never an easy thing to do. Like a common saying, things changes, people part. Left with 2 more mount and things is going to change, for the better ? or for the worst ? we shall see about it.

sometimes i guess keeping life simple by thinking simple ( thinking of simple things, people ) might be better.

when mind is occupied with a person, time passes faster. somethings are not meant to be shown, not meant to do, not meant to happen . It just meant to keep in thoughts and memory.

02mar10.tue. still air

Numb , physically and mentally. I am stuck in a situation where i am suppose to be very happy (G-Shift) but I am not. Sensitive tooth and lower back is hitting hard on me, trying to rectify the problem. But I guess sooner of later will pay a visit to the doctor and dentist, and very certain that I will not find those who always do a half past six job.

Life's getting complicated. Thinking on both simple and complicated side. Yup, certainly we can be ignorance about others doing and thinking, plots and motives. But which will really benefit us? or which is the right way to go ? Complex thinking include assumptions, speculation and experiences, which sometimes helps in foreseeing the future incoming events/threats however sometimes it also create a wrong impression of others. I suppose complex thinking and handling of situations and people appropriately will be the better policy. No one is happy about what is going to happen in 12 days time. Separations and moving towards the less comfort zone.

28feb. sun. breezy :)

Thanks sue da jie for organising the steamboat gathering ! =)

alright, countinuous activities throughout the weekend.

book out - buy helmet, change sit cover (which made a mistake in choosing the suitable colour =( ) - sat am : beach trg - family lunch - biopharm gathering - sun : movie: dear john . - book in .

alright ever wonder why we are attracted to certain people the first time knowing them, even though they are not that pretty, or rather pretty in ur point of view, even though they didnt fulfill the requirements u set as a 'ideal' lady. But still you are attracted to them.

- pure chemistry. -

lower back down + unknown pain ( toothache ? or ear nerve ? or ear infection ?)

adios .

23feb. tues. breezy

this is a sopiscicated world. anyway human are complex creatures themselve. Yes certainly i know where he is coming from, and i know what to do. hopefully things will change for the better in days to come.

Ytd was the day where alot of significant events and meeting occurs i suppose, at least to us. At the very least i know that you are still there for us. thanks.

sometimes i do see at their point of views, but stubbornly i choosed to only see at my narrow angle.

---. ---

the one and only sensetive tooth is killing me !! in the day and night, eating and drinking !!

back got worse after today's gym session, shall permenently excuse myself from lower back and glut exercises till thing turns better. still cant figure is it muscle or nerves issues. It's only the left side of the lower back but it's spreading to my left butt. I wonder does OMG3 helps in nerves issues? Shall test it out.

rsm called, met wo ravi at some random overhead bridge. meet the WOs day ...

somethings are fated,
some happen coincidentally,
some is just destinate to be,
however future and choices are still up in our own mind and hands.

--- " ---

adios .

17feb10. wed. cloudy.

thanks to him, not enough rest.
thanks to him, my lower back is in pain from then till now.

alright hopefully the pain is just cause by muscle strain. and hopefully things will be better tmr. hopefully he change his mindset. hopefully ...

endless whining ... endless complains. that's one way to make one feels better. at least it work a little for me. when u say it out, u ll forget the unhappiness.
--"--

bro got a bike for himself whooo, get to ride auto scooter next time ! anyway i still prefer my small cbr =)

-- " --

14feb10. sun. wind

it's CNY, same old people, same old place, here is the time where we get to see people who we'll see only once a year. But different feelings. somehow or rather i realise how much distance am i away from my family and relatives in term of bonding. It can be seen from a simple dinner or gathering. They are suppose to be the closest. I don't understand them, and vice versa. I wonder why family politics is also in place. Politics get to place where there are large group of people together ? Or issit that it's the way we were brought up ? Where everythings are usually settled by ourself, where we buy things we like ourself instead of pulling mummy dress and say 'mummy, mummy, can i have this ?'. Or issit that we came from a 'broken' family where there's a absence of care from parents? But one thing for sure, I will make sure this wouldn't happen to my family in the future, may it be the younger generation or older generation.

I don't mind being called 'B', But do take note when it comes to laughing at others weakness. It's not about some unique action. But I guess it's just not right to laugh at a person when he's trying to improve on it, why not correct that person or advise him instead of laughing at he's langage pronounciation. I mean different people are brought up differently in different background, you maybe born in a well educated and good family, but others might not.

Another thing that actually hit me hard is laughing at the physical shortcoming of others. Be glad that you wasn't born like this. Does laughing at other pes status or whatsoever, make you feel that you are actually the most perfect person on earth ?! I didnt speak about anything about ur back or vision disability or physical weakness (did i say anything when you guys can even do a proper push up or wheresoever where i stand a advantages?) Here's this person is trying hard not to let people see his short comings and here you guys are laughing at him spreading around his weakness, is that the right thing to do ? It's hard to trust anybody, or rather it's better not to trust anyone. It's better to isolate in one corner and so nobody will bother you. Slowly bits by bits detach from the shift/place as things remains is only hatred.

blame my mindset, blame me for being sensitive in these area, whatsoever.

I hope to form bonds but things happening around make me think otherwise.

--- " ---

07Feb10. Sun . Breezy

Surf and Sweat is over. completed something she wanted few years back then. It's time to drift away. If there is any 'debt' toward her, it will be clear by now. guilt free . no longer remorseful.

At the start line, A was telling B (which is one of the compeititor in that wave),

A : Must get 1st for this wave uh.

B: But they look strong also.

A: don't worry la, you got the surfing experiences, they don't have, sure win de.

B: *quiet

Lucky A is not one of the participant in this heat ... or else ....

what a cocky attitude, showing disrespect to other compeititors. anyway B came in last in that wave. ' for goodness sake, next time if you want to say such a 'motivation' talk to your friend, kindly motivate behind the back of other compeititors.

- empty feeling, empty heart, empty mind -

CNY's coming, it's just feels like another normal month. Everything became so dead, so meaningless. Even brain is slowing down. Things will only be different after august. that's the only thing i looking forward to. well some might take this 2 yrs or less as a good experiences but i guess to me it's otherwise. It taught me to go againest some principles which i used to have. Guess it's just that i am easily affected by others.

let's think,

if route A negative,

move on to route B,

if route B negative,

move on to route C,

if all route . negative,

find another alternatives . infinate times.

--- " ---

04feb. thu. wind

getting lazier, less motivated ... rotting becoming the pastime that i actually spent most of my time on when i am out of camp ...

i am so detached to everyone around me. even those who suppose to be the closest to me.

it's good not to fall in love, then no one will be hurt.

---"---

28Jan10. thu. Windy

First time I see someone breakdown mentally as a friend. I guess he was confused or stucked in a situation where feasible solution isn't visible. After keeping and wondering everything by himself to his 'limit capacity', he broke down into tears. Hopefully he learnt something out of the experience. Facing the reality in life and the way to handle unexpected situations.

Sometimes the world is ugly when human are double sided. Well infront, bad at back. hmm.

--- " ---

29&30&31Jan10. fri&sat&sun. still wind

- swim, swimming, swam. 10pm-7am @ NTU sundown swimathlon. bored. tired. hungary. cold.

- Sentosa Beach Trg, great ! fun ! i loves BOARD !

- biopharm gathering, pasta, alcohol ice-cream, ramen, chats ! =)

- gym gym gym ---- new forearm trg ! tired ..

packed weekend . fulfilling times =)

adios

----" ---

21-26 Jan

260110. tues. white breeze

Life's sorta monotonous with a little spices once in a blue moon. book out - exerise, clean bike, sleep, eat, go library, buy stuffs at times, book in - hmmm that's life in this vocation, the good things is you are free when others are not, so don't need to worry about long quenes, squeezing bus, heavy traffic, packed gym or shopping centre , but on another side, unable to meet up with friends except those who came from the same shift.

i am troubled as usual. i start wondering about the future and those thoughts and stands that use to hold firm in me. i am clueless again.

" It's not about the beneficial or losing outcome, it just simply right or wrong."

--- " ---

240110. sun. breeze

As we grow, we experiences, we learn and we change from simplicity to complicity.

simply eating --

A baby only need to open his/her mouth to eat,

A child uses utensils to eat,

A teenage often trouble about getting what to eat,

A adult have concern over the monthly expenses on eating...

As we grow, we take up more responsibilities, worrying more things around us..

why moth is being stated as a spiritual representative ? what was the story behind it ?

there a tiny moth landed on my waist, i placed my hand on my waist, slowly it climbed and stop on my index finger as if it want to tell me something.

I tried to scare it away with another of my palm moving right above it, moving so near that i almost could crush it instantly but it remain there unmove as if it read my mind that i am not killing it.

ye: ' haha your ah gong come visit u liao ar! '

kai: ' if it's really my ah gong then ask him to stop the mosquitoes from biting me!'

kw: 'haha this kind of things better dont anyhow say uh ! must repay de hor'

kai: *stoned , " ps uh just kidding de."

then it flew away.

once in my life i felt relief to be stung and suck by mosquitoes that night ...

--- " ---

220110. Fri . Cloudy

There i saw orion belt and hunter right above me. Here i am getting upset and angry over others busniness. Over people who are irresponsible to a large extend affecting others. Things could been better handle by doing necessary things. People often neglect duties and responsibilities. They thought that things could be settled just by saying 'i don't know' when they know, 'I didnt received it' when they received it, 'it's too late now' when things could be settled earlier. 'it's not my duty or responsibility now. I am seriously blowing my top off. I understand that different way of doing things but in my point of view, it's just not right.

someone who seriously dislike people who are irresponsible for their own actions.

' A nice place to chat and chill with the breezy wind and starry sky. '

---" ---

210110. Thurs. Cloudy

It 's up to individual and there's no right and wrong about it, it's purely up to personal judgement, experience and principles.

You cant fault one for not giving up sit to the needy.

You cant blame one for not being as helpful as you.

No one have the rights to do so.

It might go against what you think,

what you want,

but that's life.

you can blame them because you wasnt in their shoes.

mr high income, might think that donating $900 per month is ok.

But mr low income might think donating $1 once a while will be enough.

mr generous might think giving out 90% of your income is something everyone should do,

But mr more responsibilities might think spending on family comes first.

mr helpful might think that helping others should always come the first piority,

But mr workaholic might think finish urgent tasking should come first.

The question is if you are helping something that can be done much later and neglected the more important and urgent task on hand ?

It's just like a man who left with a 10% oxygen tank pass his 10% to a person who left with 20% oxygen and died, when the rescue boat is coming soon. how necessary is it ?

how kind, how helpful ? depending on individual aspect. one shouldnt expect others to see and do things the same as they thought.

you shouldn't blame him, he's 25 and got his own views, stand, piority and ways. you shouldnt blame your son being different from you.

- should we help those who receive sufficient help from others ?

--- " ---

adios

130110. WED . cloudy purple

-- just another day without sufficient count--


blood flowing irregularly,
coldness felt on cheeks,
numbness around body,
vision slowly merges as one white screen,
it's time to gamble inorder to handle situation differently.


white flag,
squat down,
fall out,
then will be blame by many others,
some out there will look down upon,


don't want to be blame,
don't want to be looked down,
don't want to disappoint,
don't want to spoil,
just try the best to finish till the end.


it might just mean
lost of core temperature,
lost of sight,
lost of motion,
then followed by a K.O status.


speeches goes on,
lost the sense of sight,
left with sense of hearing,
listening, concentrating, struggling
lucky as speech ended before the lost of motion states proceed.

Just ended the fight on the ring.
--- " ---

the occurances of careless mistake keep on increasing from day to day. *sigh

everyones make mistake, but he made stupid mistakes...

--- " ---

150110. FRI. Cloudy Blue

MA : same as usual, nothing positive came out from doct. alright 'll take note 'once you lost it, you will never get it back' but i didnt choose to lost it, never once listen to loud music, never visit noisy places frequently, but sometimes no choice means no choice, just hope that planes can fly softer or lesser for the next 7 mths ya ? just pray it remain and not worst ..

have to tolerate those 'not so positive' remarks for another 7 mths,

dont laugh at others lost, it's 'not so nice' to do that

'are you perfect' ask urself this before pouring out those 'not so nice' statements


cos the world is 'not so fair' ,

i mean 'SO WHAT!', that's me.


i am a freaking stubborn person.

sometimes ' i wanna be a bad guy, debond every bonds, ignoring everything everyone. '

---"---

16&17 Jan. SAT&SUN. Breezy Blue

-spy next door : nice hilarious movie 4.5/5 =)
- light gym at JW
- partyworld w UG.

- not that safe rider sometimes.

-- END --

120110. tues. grey wind

it's a new year also separation for alot of couples out there. I wonder why.

01Jan2010. Fri . breezy blue

some interestingg+ lammmmmee eventss

1] @ 01jan 0000-0015 of 2010, first time standing at a area where all 3 locations fireworks are visible
2] @ 1jan 0006 of 2010, received first msg of the year .
3] @ 01jan 0030-0100 of 2010, first time opening gate at the middle of the night
4] @ 01jan 1000 of 2010, first hand over @ 010110 1000hrs
5] @ 01jan 1345 of 2010, first medicine of 2010: duro-tuss
6] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first movie of 2010: Avanta 3D
7] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first time having couples kissing right infront @ a movie theatre (it's not that i wanna notice, it's just that they are kissing non - stop -_-"')
8] @ 01jan 1900-2100, first time visting manhattan fish market
9] @ 01jan 2130-2200, first pillion of 2010
10] @ 01jan 2345, first 200th 'photos' on FB.

--- " ---
sometimes it's not emoing, it's just not feeling well dudes !! hahahha

- the flu + tonnnes of phelgms in my throats = breathing sooo difficult + some minor chest pain + headache

- pi pa gao doesnt works much, hope duro-tuss works ...

----" ---
HAPPY 2010 to everyone! =)

adios.