26apr. mon. cloudy purple

--"--

distanced from my fellow camp buddies,
cause we are on a different route,
and now we are doing differnt scope of duties, i suppose ...

my indecisiveness drag others down,
some of my decisions got others into trouble,
i thought things would be better if i could just follow what i believes. but that wldn work in reality.

how great things will be if everything i can just settle alone,
where no ones will be affected,
where there's only one to blame.

--"--

tell me sld i or sld i not ..

.i need to speak to 3 person dot. wu^ .

---"---2357hrs2604

'when paths met, choices set, that's life.'

22apr. thu. still wind

happy / anger

mixed emotions

Handles different people everyday, some were friendly, while some were rude. well well that's life.

unhappy about things happening around. apple vs pear, oranges vs peach, they can never be compare on par, it will never be fair. it's always that minority (or sld i say there's only 1, idk). Just here to do the things which i believes is right.

it will be good to have a pat on my shoulder with a smile saying, 'thank you very much'.

---"---
.Genuine Smile.

A smile a day keep the dark away,

It's a simple facial expression which indicates,
the sign of gratitude,
the sign of appreciation,
and the sign of recognition.

it's a communicate of feeling which is,
a display of happiness,
a display of contentment,
a display of amusement.

a smile should never be underestimate as,
a smile of one inspires others smile,
a smile of one brighten up others day,
a smile of one bond one another closer together.

If's isnt that bad afterall with smiles around =D.

---- ~ ---- 23apr0019hrs

21apr. wed. red cloud

admins, welfares/ rights(top n bottom considerations), sai gangs (some doesnt within my scoop), politics (which i have been avoiding everywhere) ... everythings makes me troubled and this is just the start to the last stretch of my journey in ...

Just take it as a learning experiences. the more u see, the more u know, the more u handle, the more u'll be better.

when there's peace people makes trouble, when there's chaos then people learn to appreciate peace. *sighs*

'cant u just stop stepping in and making unecessary noises?' u guys are ok now, so why not let's just have 'peacetime' tgt, instead having people disliking u ?

--- ~ --- 21apr2253hrs

19apr. mon. purple clouds.

Sort of like this phase.

'But you WILL know,
you will feel it within your heart;
you will feel it within your soul;
you will feel it within every fibre of your Being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.'

- http://www.innerlightworkers.co.uk/archangels/azrael.htm

wants to know more about 'archangel azrael' - angel of death.

wants to improve on his swimming =(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|20apr0014hrs

18apr. sun. purple clouds

-final pin of hope is gg to be dash in 2 mths time. well by 'betting' on something which is 90% not feasible, disappointment should be expected. oh well at least i tried for a possible miricle to happen. Time to resign to destiny. Some path are just meant to be choosen. Looking at all my fellow dbio mates choosen busniness studies over science, it makes me wonder ... ... it's just like leading a life for others / self in my point.

-both fun and emo night for ytd. just when other pouring out their pain and sorrow, I just cant find the reason to why there were some leading a sorrowful life, while some leading a smooth without much obstacles life.

- hope history dont repeat itself. i got no idea what's best to handle such situation.

--- : 18apr1158hrs

16apr. sat. cloudy grey

- just 4x spoonful of spoiled cake = 5x visiting toilet more tmr ? hope not.
- sometimes i wonder am i fighting for the right thing. fairness for them. i am so afraid that i fight for the wrong thing. But still we are the one who have to fight for their rights, if we dont then who will?
- stone, stone, stone. i hope history will not repeat itself.
- it's have been a very long time ever since i experience the blood gushing around my face feeling. shows that i am working hard enough hahaha
- I cant find an appropriate reason to go for still water trg without my kakis.
- still can feel the twitching pain ard left ankle since mar from drill boots, but it's improving.

- - -
time to rest. take a break.

17apr0017hrs.

14apr. wed. breezy blue

rush rush rush, fight fight fight, ... to complete things, to get fairness, to attain mutual agreement... somehow or rather ... got so tired ...

almost BANG ! not once but twice on the road, both due to driver changing lanes abruptly. 1 x lorry + 1 x car .. one in the morning, one in the evening ..

sort of feeling more relieved today. lighter burden =)

like the feelings of swimming today. the water + chlorine + feel.
--- " ---

12apr. mon. purple culumbus clouds

As what i foresee previously, this week is gg to be a super !@#$% =( week... today is just the start of it ... and signs are appearing... haiz ... the picture shall be my spokeperson on how i exactly felt this afternoon. My mistakes for making wrong decisions as informations didnt pass down at all. not once, but ..... Take it as an experiences, as a lesson then i will know how to handle it in the future.



the responsibilities/duties are surely something that's heavy. I took it up, suck them up but still more are coming. some are even totally unrelated to me. oh well that's life. everyone only know what they saw/heard, everyone only knows bits and pieces of it.

this sunday = boring ! need to find self entertainment, as most(actually only 3 or mayb more?) of my khakis will be at oversea, germany, china some donno where donnoe where ... so next 2 weekks = BORING.

who shall i turn to ? Seriously not feeling emotionally well today . hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

think +ve ... it will be over sooonnn
---- : ----

I almost forget my eldest bro bd is TMR! when it's stated on my calendar -_-"' .

Thanks Uncle Dad for things he gave, really appreciate, shall repay bits by bits when i start working. just when i am feeling __,he rang me and just so happen that i was just walking home near his car.

--- : ---

that's all folk ..

11apr. sun. still wind

sit down,(uncle board) stand up, (2 - 3 seats avalible) sit down agn, (aunty board) stand up, (almost empty cabin) haiya don sit liao la! hahaha (that's what happened on the train today... sometimes how i wish i can ignore their presence as i am not on a 'priority seats' =x )

gym w mr WH, omg weight still the same . sianzation.

forgot what i want to wrote initially ... so shall start my nonsense.

---" ---
dim. feelings as string of integers
dim sad as 1, emo as 2, smile as 3, happy as 4
dim sequence in note

note:

2 not equal 1
1 equal 2

3 not = 4
4 = 3

2,4 might be due to work or bonds or personal

conclusion = mixed

end.comment

--- " ---
L policy (nonsense)

L is a good policy,
it gave one strength,confident, smiles and comfort

L is a bad policy,
it gave one tears, worries , anger and sad

Still whether is it good or bad, it's up to the one who handle it and sees it.

*only get the policy when things are appropriate and chemistry are right. so it's best not to get it when one is not ready.

more nonsense ...here's a 'curse' or love web, which have been happening around us and evloving around us since our(human) era ? that's why true love exist only 1 in a 1000. lol jkjk



--- " ---

enuff of nonsense and de stressing...

sometimes i just like to do things purely base on feeling, without any logical reasoning...

---- ' ----

adios

10apr. sat. still wind

Soo starting ... from the morning rite from 6am where i drag myself soooo hard out of my bed, and finally after 20mins of determination ... i got out of it. realising that things i thot suppose to be there isnt there !! hopping around to find it... thanks mum who kept it ...

'sometimes i just wonder, why my mum do so much for me when i didnt even do alot for her .... '

wanted to join in the jogging session, but well unable to do so still, by the time i reach it was like 850am .... toooo late .. this suppose to be my last beach trg for the next few months, AND IT RAINS LIKE CAT AND DOG !!! alright the worst is yet to come, just as the rain subsided we start surfing and I am sooooo lucky enough to get my first ever stung by jellyfish , 2xcombo somemore .. (strips on the left arm + swelling at the right middle finger) !! the starting feelings is like 10x seabug bites on the area, the stingy stingy kind. then itch itch ... then another NUS guy got stung too, well only 2 of us out of like sooo many ppl. anyway it got so much better now, thanks to the lifeguard on duty for the spray.

chervon ... unable to get the brown vests for mr bear! total sianness...

--- ' ---

total sianness, been thinking too much things that might happen, if certain things took place. well certainly just hope for the better.

fate or destiny, somethings are just meant to happen, with that certain people at the particular area....

6th sense

09apr. fri. sunny orange =)

decided to take train instead of biking to NDC, purely on feeling. 6th sense i suppose hahah. anyway who wld guess that just 2 hrs after the bright sunny weather, it's heavy rain with CAT 1 ?? well tthat's what exactly happen just when i step right out of the dental centre . i was like *phew* didn ride

thanks ms dentist for her forgiveness in me being overslept for a appt and giving me another appt date so near.
dentist: hi, experience any pain ??
m: no .
dentist: ytd morning unable to make it for the dental appt last min uh ? (jovial tone*)
m: (OMG ! soo ps la !) sooo sorry about it ... i ... =x
dentist: (laugh*)

---

reasons for choosing public transport over bike.
1) shelter!!
2) less probability of getting into accident.
3) can plug in ear piece and listen to music
4) can emo ! and think about stuffs (if ride and think = bang !)
5) can see people, yup how people does things (those interesting stuffs that happen around), see chio bus also =x

well,having a personal transport still weight more benefits then public transport i suppose.

reasons on how ppl decide on their career.
- take on whatever it's come
- the material ($$) return / propect
- for the bigger picture (PURPOSE) in life (eg. helping more people around , benefitting the society, becoming the world richest man, saving the environment, catching all bandits in the world...)
- for personal interest (just like to do this and that)
- etc

welll for me ? i suppose i have decided on the 3rd one . so things i choose will be highly based on my purpose in life . once i told someone about my dream, and he laughed at it saying 'model answer eh ? haha things like that wldn be happening in the reall life society...' well i shall prove to u that it's achievable .

--- " ---

I wonder how many strangers do we have eyes contact with ...
well i have 2 today ! hahah 1 from a ms who glaze at me (i tot something wrong with my appearance, alien !! ) and another from a baby (well i made a cheeky face in return =x!!) hahahha what about u ?

bus ride = ear plugs on + emoing time = good time for reflections

- camps ( how am i able to make better decisions at times ? which will both benefit people around me and also the 'mission' itself ? ) i suppose at times i wldn able to call for the most logical and practical decision. =(

- r/s (mostly about the past. welll thinking back, those things which i have done to salvage it was so dumb and unecessary haha i sld have take things more lightly)

- friends/ teammates 1)( i realise how bonds actually make seperation unbearably painful or 'how i wish' feeling. yup certainly i know, becos of those bonds i form with them, i gonna miss them real much when time comes to part.) that's the reason why i don like to form strong bonds with people in the past.... cos at the end of the day, parting is just another part and parcel in life. but still we will leave behind those colourful memories.. 2)thanks them for accepting my weakness (well we are all of different caliber(though i have upgraded from sampan to bumper boat, u guys are still torpedoes hahah). i know it well myself, v still they didn laugh at it or whatsoever, they accepted me as a friend, a teammate though we are of different caliber and i alway tend to pull u guys down in still water events.=( thanks guys.

--- ' ---
i have a good friend unhappy.

'no matter how dark the clouds is, it will still be gone one day.'

hope things will work out better and favourable on his/her side =) n e 2kg jia you !

08apr. thu. breezy blue

LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.

- 05, 06, RPLS chalet, get to know more about the juniors, some unhappiness happening around, still we are entertaining ourself when everything's over =) v soon in the near future, wldn be able to see them that much often or rather once in a bluemoon ?? with g trg coming up on all sats, i suppose i wldn be gg down for sat beach trg after this sat, till maybe like i ORD ? haha. the miss the sand, board, sun, sea, my teammates my friends.

- ytd was the 2nd time, higher content, higher effect but less destructive aftermath. great day with shuan, SL and sue. nv want to unleash the other side of me again. Anyway, once i see u as my good friend, you will be one alway =)

- forgot about dental appt in the morning ! damn shitty feeling, thanks them for being so forgiving and change it to tmr.

- ring ring ring, beep beep beep, sooo many text and phone calls from work =( haiz, what's this ?? i am on leave ... and still unable to get away from my task and responsiblity temporary. and well more things to face, more situation to handle next week.Why am i the person keep getting blame for other's troubles, decisions, confusion. tired la !! i need a break from all these.

the top just don understand how complicate things work at the bottom, and the bottom just dont know how to appreciated what they have currently but just keep asking for more.

I tried telling myself, just take it as a experiences in handling people from both the higher up and lower end, but still this ideas just died off easily. Ok at least now every bits and pieces of confusion have been cleared with everything settled down.


'just take it as a learning experience for the future.'

getting more distanced from campmates, changing roles, different duties and responsibilities.

--- " ---

tried looking on the bright side. but things wasnt really gg well on my side ...

all i hope now is to receive a acceptance letter and have my future decide.

I want to go back to the past where by i am able to do things alone without the help of others. all by myself. but that wldn happen i suppose.

can someone tell me my mistakes ? my weakness ? remind me of things I should keep it up ?? haiz

am wasting my time, not spending it effectively but rotting it away.

01apr10. thu. breezy

Finally lonng rest after so long. 1 major event down, left with 2 more parade to go ! never regret choosing this path. No matter how tough life, going to be, i am sure i will make it, cause this is what I hope to achieve.

Anyway make a major mistake/accident during the event itself, while recovering from salutation, scope stuck to right pocket, unable to remedy it, follow by inspection. lucky enough they didnt stop infront of me, if not whole eyes from the spectator stand will be on me. phew ...

alright learn from mistake, next time have to get use to excecuting this drill more 'out' and precise then this will have very low chance of happening.

wants to go k-box !! sian ...

back to rotting ...

---

dim. gain weight

regular gyming/ exerising = gain weights

no workout = lose weight.

no eat / eat too much = not much significant changes in weight.

therefore . workout regularly !

--- " ---

31mar10. wed. Cloudy

It's the 'D-day' tomorrow. Somehow or rather i have lose confident in performing up to expectations. Afraid something will cork up, afraid that i didnt do things perfectly, afraid that no ones correct/ advise me on my mistakes. A weird person, isn't it ? haiz the feeling that some mistake will be make tmr, like what happen in the past.

It's rather hard to mange a large group of people (>40). Seriously lack of rest for the past 3 days, sleeping late(1+), waking up early (5+). Sort of worn out by the routine and those responsibilities given.

dim. body equation.

no sun + stationary standing = cold stingy feelings.

no sun + stomachache + stationary standing = numb, pale feeling

tolerance level to equation = 20mins to 1hrs

--- tested and proven ---

'Exceed, Endure, Excel' -- 3E that suddenly struck my mind.

------"-------

30mar10. tues. cloudy

Alright finally sometimes for myself to spend time alone after 2 days of hectic duties and responsibilities. Saw the ugly and greedy side of them, for the sake of the shirt and laziness sigh*. Probably it's due to my way in handling them ? Too friendly and nice i suppose.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WEN JUN! =D

Heard from some guys regarding some questions asked by certain person. How i hope there will be a situation or opportunity for me to tell this person straight in his face that ' CANT YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSNINESS AND STOP INTERFERING THINGS GIVING EVERYONE A MORE TROUBLED LIFE?? AND STOP BEING SO PARANOID ABOUT US BEING PULL OUT!"
You have no right to judge our training siong anot. cos you wasnt there.
You have no right to say that we were given too much previlleges, cos you wasnt the one who decide what we deserve. (moreover we havent receive any of our previlleges till now and our previlleges are given by those people who saw our hard work and sweats. )
SO STOP COMPARING ! THIS ISNT UR 1 MAN UNIT/ ORGANISATION! You are the one who deprived your people from privilleges, then dont use the way you handle your guys as compare to the way others do.

angry, where i shouldnt.

------- "

swt nostalgic feelings

26-28mar. fri sat sun. Breezy

sweet nostalgic feelings. some actions that happened coincidentally makes me thought about things of the past. I suppose it's just another unecessary thoughts and feelings.

settle camp stuffs till 26th 1400hrs . phuture.zouk w rendall, JG, beatrice, zhen wei, wei sheng, peiying, may.... .... . am : sentosa beach trg, intense land trg =x . pm: diary of a wimpy kid movie finally a 13 hrs slp from 8pm-9am shiok shiok after like not having a proper rest in 28hrs ?!! hahahah sooo is this call maximizing the time outside ?? LOL doubt so uh ! anyway gym session w marv and hh , extreme core trg, not that extreme la but it's alll about abs and back. =)

the period after tired + emo = retarded actions and words =x well LS guys shld know hahaha

Looks can cover with make-up, physical appearance can be elimate with determination (exerise... ), but character don't change easily.

-------
siam !

25mar2010. thu. Breezy

lots of things happened the day before, but lucky that it didnt result to impactful consequences.

Undergoing situation together makes one understand others more. Good thing ? I suppose it's both pros and cons. Sometimes situation makes us change perception on others. Better or uglier ? U decide .

Next week, the most compacted and busy week. where parade practise and gatherings comes in.

---_---_

PSB has certainly became one of my choice after looking into course avaliable in SIT and SUTD in AY2010-2011. At least something practical to fall back on when the applications are rejected by NTU and NUS. 4 months, 136 days to another major turn poing in my life. This time, I shall leave it to fate, what's going to happen 30years down the road shall be decided by this junction.

People often have troubles when choosing what they really want to study, a course of interest? or a course that will earn alot ? If you can imagine what u really wants to achieve in life then things wouldnt be that much of a trouble. But certainly, I have choose interest over money. helping more people over monetory benefits. I wouldnt be rich i suppose, but surely i will help alot of people when needed and create impacts on others life. Hopefully future experiences will only make me more firm on this decision instead my swaying towards regrets and monentory gains.

--- ' ---
adios

21mar2010. sun. storm

Unhappiness occurs when things not going the way you prefer, when unagreeable situations comes upon. First time booking in on sunday. Changes after changes, and more changes are coming up. It's this person again, who have a total different mindset from me or rather the norms. What he does irritates me, as well as going againest my principle of doing things. Hope he does change for the better, when out in a working society out there, he might have hard time struggling given his current attitude and way of doing things.

busy day ...

unhappy topics aside. - -

True love , what exactly is it ? When both parties fall in love naturally by chemistry? When both parties are attracted to each other and the feelings towards each other doesnt fade as time passes? When both parties meet eyes to eyes in the first meeting? When materalistic factors isnt take into consideration in a relationship? I suppose everyone have their own defination to it.

when both parties come together via natural chemistry which comes from within - my defination

I suppose it does exist but only in the minority out in the society. I suppose such things are often ruin my cruel practicality in life. Anyway how many guys out there wouldnt be tempted when a hot and pretty babe getting close? Which girl wouldnt consider a guy with much better eligibility. Certainly there will be people out there wouldnt be tempted. I suppose faithful wouldnt be the 'in' word for the current society where guys find sexier girls, and girls find richer guys.

Imagine you were given a ticket for 1 free ride on any public transport (buses, taxi, plane) the answer is obvious that we will usually choose something that worth more....

--- " ---

adios.

16mar10. tue. cloud

$$ vs tooth.

alright overslept for dental appt, almost late. A cute dental surgeon. alright unimportant things aside. Tooth's root canal nerves removed now filled with temporary filling. 2 more appt to complete the treatment. have to set aside $1K for the root canal treatment cost . OMG . sian.

reflected alot on life.

once someone told me that i will not be rich or poor in life. i wonder .

save save. must curb my spending habit.

want to go back to individualistic personnality. focus. maximise.
--"---

10mar10. wed. breeze

finally 1 day rest.

- toothache -

it's causing sharp pain day and night,
pain from the teeth to the gums
which ultimately ended up at the jaw
it's all due to nerve connections i supposed.

tried some panadol,
then some unknown pain killer,
it's works for the start but not in the middle of the night.
hopefully clove oil works out well.

problem to slp, as pain-killer effect goes off
problem to eat, as food touches it
pain rise as more blood circulates around that area,
solutions is to keep ur head in the position

Booked dental appointment,
but it's 1 mth away from now,
it's either wait or more cost,
shall endure it till mr dentist solve it then.

--- " ---

08mar10. mon . cloudy.

--- " ---
for Jun ORD + soon to be part peeps around me.

Goodbye to you, my fellow friends.
we've known each other after OJT.
Together we mount guard duty,
Learned of bonds and bear's PT,
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.

Goodbye my friends, it's hard to part,
where all the planes are flying in the skies,
Now that vapour is in the air,
Fun and laughters everywhere,
When you hear them, i'll be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun,
But the hills that we climbed were just season out of time.

-- "---

toothaches + jaw aches = possible pulpitis ?? 1 mth ++ to the dental appt =(

04mar10. thu. 1830hrs. rain

here come,there come. misunderstandings from people to people, superior to subordinate and last minute changes. phone calls , messages all days long regarding work even on off day. i need a break, a kit kat. It's never easy to be a in-charge . enough of whining. dislike a life like this.

-- unwilling changes --

the atmosphere turn denser,
the cloud is pouring down soon,
all because of the feelings of everyone.

we worked as a team,
fought as a team,
everything gg to come to a new start soon.

changes may force us part,
schdules may drift us seperate,
but bonds that we carved in one and other will remain always.

--- " ---

03mar10 . wed . cloudy

so many things is happening and revolving around. Changes after changes, events after events. not feeling anythings around. Separation between people you bonded with is never an easy thing to do. Like a common saying, things changes, people part. Left with 2 more mount and things is going to change, for the better ? or for the worst ? we shall see about it.

sometimes i guess keeping life simple by thinking simple ( thinking of simple things, people ) might be better.

when mind is occupied with a person, time passes faster. somethings are not meant to be shown, not meant to do, not meant to happen . It just meant to keep in thoughts and memory.

02mar10.tue. still air

Numb , physically and mentally. I am stuck in a situation where i am suppose to be very happy (G-Shift) but I am not. Sensitive tooth and lower back is hitting hard on me, trying to rectify the problem. But I guess sooner of later will pay a visit to the doctor and dentist, and very certain that I will not find those who always do a half past six job.

Life's getting complicated. Thinking on both simple and complicated side. Yup, certainly we can be ignorance about others doing and thinking, plots and motives. But which will really benefit us? or which is the right way to go ? Complex thinking include assumptions, speculation and experiences, which sometimes helps in foreseeing the future incoming events/threats however sometimes it also create a wrong impression of others. I suppose complex thinking and handling of situations and people appropriately will be the better policy. No one is happy about what is going to happen in 12 days time. Separations and moving towards the less comfort zone.