03mar10 . wed . cloudy

so many things is happening and revolving around. Changes after changes, events after events. not feeling anythings around. Separation between people you bonded with is never an easy thing to do. Like a common saying, things changes, people part. Left with 2 more mount and things is going to change, for the better ? or for the worst ? we shall see about it.

sometimes i guess keeping life simple by thinking simple ( thinking of simple things, people ) might be better.

when mind is occupied with a person, time passes faster. somethings are not meant to be shown, not meant to do, not meant to happen . It just meant to keep in thoughts and memory.

02mar10.tue. still air

Numb , physically and mentally. I am stuck in a situation where i am suppose to be very happy (G-Shift) but I am not. Sensitive tooth and lower back is hitting hard on me, trying to rectify the problem. But I guess sooner of later will pay a visit to the doctor and dentist, and very certain that I will not find those who always do a half past six job.

Life's getting complicated. Thinking on both simple and complicated side. Yup, certainly we can be ignorance about others doing and thinking, plots and motives. But which will really benefit us? or which is the right way to go ? Complex thinking include assumptions, speculation and experiences, which sometimes helps in foreseeing the future incoming events/threats however sometimes it also create a wrong impression of others. I suppose complex thinking and handling of situations and people appropriately will be the better policy. No one is happy about what is going to happen in 12 days time. Separations and moving towards the less comfort zone.

28feb. sun. breezy :)

Thanks sue da jie for organising the steamboat gathering ! =)

alright, countinuous activities throughout the weekend.

book out - buy helmet, change sit cover (which made a mistake in choosing the suitable colour =( ) - sat am : beach trg - family lunch - biopharm gathering - sun : movie: dear john . - book in .

alright ever wonder why we are attracted to certain people the first time knowing them, even though they are not that pretty, or rather pretty in ur point of view, even though they didnt fulfill the requirements u set as a 'ideal' lady. But still you are attracted to them.

- pure chemistry. -

lower back down + unknown pain ( toothache ? or ear nerve ? or ear infection ?)

adios .

23feb. tues. breezy

this is a sopiscicated world. anyway human are complex creatures themselve. Yes certainly i know where he is coming from, and i know what to do. hopefully things will change for the better in days to come.

Ytd was the day where alot of significant events and meeting occurs i suppose, at least to us. At the very least i know that you are still there for us. thanks.

sometimes i do see at their point of views, but stubbornly i choosed to only see at my narrow angle.

---. ---

the one and only sensetive tooth is killing me !! in the day and night, eating and drinking !!

back got worse after today's gym session, shall permenently excuse myself from lower back and glut exercises till thing turns better. still cant figure is it muscle or nerves issues. It's only the left side of the lower back but it's spreading to my left butt. I wonder does OMG3 helps in nerves issues? Shall test it out.

rsm called, met wo ravi at some random overhead bridge. meet the WOs day ...

somethings are fated,
some happen coincidentally,
some is just destinate to be,
however future and choices are still up in our own mind and hands.

--- " ---

adios .

17feb10. wed. cloudy.

thanks to him, not enough rest.
thanks to him, my lower back is in pain from then till now.

alright hopefully the pain is just cause by muscle strain. and hopefully things will be better tmr. hopefully he change his mindset. hopefully ...

endless whining ... endless complains. that's one way to make one feels better. at least it work a little for me. when u say it out, u ll forget the unhappiness.
--"--

bro got a bike for himself whooo, get to ride auto scooter next time ! anyway i still prefer my small cbr =)

-- " --

14feb10. sun. wind

it's CNY, same old people, same old place, here is the time where we get to see people who we'll see only once a year. But different feelings. somehow or rather i realise how much distance am i away from my family and relatives in term of bonding. It can be seen from a simple dinner or gathering. They are suppose to be the closest. I don't understand them, and vice versa. I wonder why family politics is also in place. Politics get to place where there are large group of people together ? Or issit that it's the way we were brought up ? Where everythings are usually settled by ourself, where we buy things we like ourself instead of pulling mummy dress and say 'mummy, mummy, can i have this ?'. Or issit that we came from a 'broken' family where there's a absence of care from parents? But one thing for sure, I will make sure this wouldn't happen to my family in the future, may it be the younger generation or older generation.

I don't mind being called 'B', But do take note when it comes to laughing at others weakness. It's not about some unique action. But I guess it's just not right to laugh at a person when he's trying to improve on it, why not correct that person or advise him instead of laughing at he's langage pronounciation. I mean different people are brought up differently in different background, you maybe born in a well educated and good family, but others might not.

Another thing that actually hit me hard is laughing at the physical shortcoming of others. Be glad that you wasn't born like this. Does laughing at other pes status or whatsoever, make you feel that you are actually the most perfect person on earth ?! I didnt speak about anything about ur back or vision disability or physical weakness (did i say anything when you guys can even do a proper push up or wheresoever where i stand a advantages?) Here's this person is trying hard not to let people see his short comings and here you guys are laughing at him spreading around his weakness, is that the right thing to do ? It's hard to trust anybody, or rather it's better not to trust anyone. It's better to isolate in one corner and so nobody will bother you. Slowly bits by bits detach from the shift/place as things remains is only hatred.

blame my mindset, blame me for being sensitive in these area, whatsoever.

I hope to form bonds but things happening around make me think otherwise.

--- " ---

07Feb10. Sun . Breezy

Surf and Sweat is over. completed something she wanted few years back then. It's time to drift away. If there is any 'debt' toward her, it will be clear by now. guilt free . no longer remorseful.

At the start line, A was telling B (which is one of the compeititor in that wave),

A : Must get 1st for this wave uh.

B: But they look strong also.

A: don't worry la, you got the surfing experiences, they don't have, sure win de.

B: *quiet

Lucky A is not one of the participant in this heat ... or else ....

what a cocky attitude, showing disrespect to other compeititors. anyway B came in last in that wave. ' for goodness sake, next time if you want to say such a 'motivation' talk to your friend, kindly motivate behind the back of other compeititors.

- empty feeling, empty heart, empty mind -

CNY's coming, it's just feels like another normal month. Everything became so dead, so meaningless. Even brain is slowing down. Things will only be different after august. that's the only thing i looking forward to. well some might take this 2 yrs or less as a good experiences but i guess to me it's otherwise. It taught me to go againest some principles which i used to have. Guess it's just that i am easily affected by others.

let's think,

if route A negative,

move on to route B,

if route B negative,

move on to route C,

if all route . negative,

find another alternatives . infinate times.

--- " ---

04feb. thu. wind

getting lazier, less motivated ... rotting becoming the pastime that i actually spent most of my time on when i am out of camp ...

i am so detached to everyone around me. even those who suppose to be the closest to me.

it's good not to fall in love, then no one will be hurt.

---"---

28Jan10. thu. Windy

First time I see someone breakdown mentally as a friend. I guess he was confused or stucked in a situation where feasible solution isn't visible. After keeping and wondering everything by himself to his 'limit capacity', he broke down into tears. Hopefully he learnt something out of the experience. Facing the reality in life and the way to handle unexpected situations.

Sometimes the world is ugly when human are double sided. Well infront, bad at back. hmm.

--- " ---

29&30&31Jan10. fri&sat&sun. still wind

- swim, swimming, swam. 10pm-7am @ NTU sundown swimathlon. bored. tired. hungary. cold.

- Sentosa Beach Trg, great ! fun ! i loves BOARD !

- biopharm gathering, pasta, alcohol ice-cream, ramen, chats ! =)

- gym gym gym ---- new forearm trg ! tired ..

packed weekend . fulfilling times =)

adios

----" ---

21-26 Jan

260110. tues. white breeze

Life's sorta monotonous with a little spices once in a blue moon. book out - exerise, clean bike, sleep, eat, go library, buy stuffs at times, book in - hmmm that's life in this vocation, the good things is you are free when others are not, so don't need to worry about long quenes, squeezing bus, heavy traffic, packed gym or shopping centre , but on another side, unable to meet up with friends except those who came from the same shift.

i am troubled as usual. i start wondering about the future and those thoughts and stands that use to hold firm in me. i am clueless again.

" It's not about the beneficial or losing outcome, it just simply right or wrong."

--- " ---

240110. sun. breeze

As we grow, we experiences, we learn and we change from simplicity to complicity.

simply eating --

A baby only need to open his/her mouth to eat,

A child uses utensils to eat,

A teenage often trouble about getting what to eat,

A adult have concern over the monthly expenses on eating...

As we grow, we take up more responsibilities, worrying more things around us..

why moth is being stated as a spiritual representative ? what was the story behind it ?

there a tiny moth landed on my waist, i placed my hand on my waist, slowly it climbed and stop on my index finger as if it want to tell me something.

I tried to scare it away with another of my palm moving right above it, moving so near that i almost could crush it instantly but it remain there unmove as if it read my mind that i am not killing it.

ye: ' haha your ah gong come visit u liao ar! '

kai: ' if it's really my ah gong then ask him to stop the mosquitoes from biting me!'

kw: 'haha this kind of things better dont anyhow say uh ! must repay de hor'

kai: *stoned , " ps uh just kidding de."

then it flew away.

once in my life i felt relief to be stung and suck by mosquitoes that night ...

--- " ---

220110. Fri . Cloudy

There i saw orion belt and hunter right above me. Here i am getting upset and angry over others busniness. Over people who are irresponsible to a large extend affecting others. Things could been better handle by doing necessary things. People often neglect duties and responsibilities. They thought that things could be settled just by saying 'i don't know' when they know, 'I didnt received it' when they received it, 'it's too late now' when things could be settled earlier. 'it's not my duty or responsibility now. I am seriously blowing my top off. I understand that different way of doing things but in my point of view, it's just not right.

someone who seriously dislike people who are irresponsible for their own actions.

' A nice place to chat and chill with the breezy wind and starry sky. '

---" ---

210110. Thurs. Cloudy

It 's up to individual and there's no right and wrong about it, it's purely up to personal judgement, experience and principles.

You cant fault one for not giving up sit to the needy.

You cant blame one for not being as helpful as you.

No one have the rights to do so.

It might go against what you think,

what you want,

but that's life.

you can blame them because you wasnt in their shoes.

mr high income, might think that donating $900 per month is ok.

But mr low income might think donating $1 once a while will be enough.

mr generous might think giving out 90% of your income is something everyone should do,

But mr more responsibilities might think spending on family comes first.

mr helpful might think that helping others should always come the first piority,

But mr workaholic might think finish urgent tasking should come first.

The question is if you are helping something that can be done much later and neglected the more important and urgent task on hand ?

It's just like a man who left with a 10% oxygen tank pass his 10% to a person who left with 20% oxygen and died, when the rescue boat is coming soon. how necessary is it ?

how kind, how helpful ? depending on individual aspect. one shouldnt expect others to see and do things the same as they thought.

you shouldn't blame him, he's 25 and got his own views, stand, piority and ways. you shouldnt blame your son being different from you.

- should we help those who receive sufficient help from others ?

--- " ---

adios

130110. WED . cloudy purple

-- just another day without sufficient count--


blood flowing irregularly,
coldness felt on cheeks,
numbness around body,
vision slowly merges as one white screen,
it's time to gamble inorder to handle situation differently.


white flag,
squat down,
fall out,
then will be blame by many others,
some out there will look down upon,


don't want to be blame,
don't want to be looked down,
don't want to disappoint,
don't want to spoil,
just try the best to finish till the end.


it might just mean
lost of core temperature,
lost of sight,
lost of motion,
then followed by a K.O status.


speeches goes on,
lost the sense of sight,
left with sense of hearing,
listening, concentrating, struggling
lucky as speech ended before the lost of motion states proceed.

Just ended the fight on the ring.
--- " ---

the occurances of careless mistake keep on increasing from day to day. *sigh

everyones make mistake, but he made stupid mistakes...

--- " ---

150110. FRI. Cloudy Blue

MA : same as usual, nothing positive came out from doct. alright 'll take note 'once you lost it, you will never get it back' but i didnt choose to lost it, never once listen to loud music, never visit noisy places frequently, but sometimes no choice means no choice, just hope that planes can fly softer or lesser for the next 7 mths ya ? just pray it remain and not worst ..

have to tolerate those 'not so positive' remarks for another 7 mths,

dont laugh at others lost, it's 'not so nice' to do that

'are you perfect' ask urself this before pouring out those 'not so nice' statements


cos the world is 'not so fair' ,

i mean 'SO WHAT!', that's me.


i am a freaking stubborn person.

sometimes ' i wanna be a bad guy, debond every bonds, ignoring everything everyone. '

---"---

16&17 Jan. SAT&SUN. Breezy Blue

-spy next door : nice hilarious movie 4.5/5 =)
- light gym at JW
- partyworld w UG.

- not that safe rider sometimes.

-- END --

120110. tues. grey wind

it's a new year also separation for alot of couples out there. I wonder why.

01Jan2010. Fri . breezy blue

some interestingg+ lammmmmee eventss

1] @ 01jan 0000-0015 of 2010, first time standing at a area where all 3 locations fireworks are visible
2] @ 1jan 0006 of 2010, received first msg of the year .
3] @ 01jan 0030-0100 of 2010, first time opening gate at the middle of the night
4] @ 01jan 1000 of 2010, first hand over @ 010110 1000hrs
5] @ 01jan 1345 of 2010, first medicine of 2010: duro-tuss
6] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first movie of 2010: Avanta 3D
7] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first time having couples kissing right infront @ a movie theatre (it's not that i wanna notice, it's just that they are kissing non - stop -_-"')
8] @ 01jan 1900-2100, first time visting manhattan fish market
9] @ 01jan 2130-2200, first pillion of 2010
10] @ 01jan 2345, first 200th 'photos' on FB.

--- " ---
sometimes it's not emoing, it's just not feeling well dudes !! hahahha

- the flu + tonnnes of phelgms in my throats = breathing sooo difficult + some minor chest pain + headache

- pi pa gao doesnt works much, hope duro-tuss works ...

----" ---
HAPPY 2010 to everyone! =)

adios.

29dec. tues . blue breeze

-left with flu .

- went giant with sis, got quite some stuffs

- cooked cereal prawns, BUT it was totally unsuccessful, although it's still edible. but it's really troublesome ... shall try making it again next time, but i guess it will be cereal chicken !!

- end of looonnnggg holiday .. alright shall spend my new year eve + 1/2 new year in camp.

-- " --

adios

26th Dec. Sat . purple sun

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to everyone. I dont know what to say, perhaps it's due to my limited vocabulary. but from the bottom of my heart i really want thanks everyone, everybody.

---"---
everything was alright today, except having a mercedes benz flashing high beam behind me up and down lots of time, it kinda really pissed me off, alrd riding at 70- 80km/h on normal road alrd, somemore it's NORMAL ROAD mind u not expressway !! kns sooo angry that i show finger first time on the road ! cant stand it. RICH soo wat ! go own ur own road la ! dont drive on public places la ! kns. 100% no road courtesy ! argh !! alright if there's a next time, i will sure play till the end ! see who win grrrr!!
--- " ---

Alright enough of venting my anger on blog. *puff puff ...

Thanks butt for everything today =) alright i actually spent my actual 21st with a special friend over the past 6 years ? I guess this is special enough ba ... thinking back, thanks for everything butt.

friends comes and go. leaving their footprint in ur mind. time to go on in life, time to face the practicality of life. from the 21st steps onwards, things will be different, roles and duties will be different, mindset and action will be different, people perceptions will be different, expectation will be different...

it might be a simple 21 years of life, or it might be a complicated one. sometimes we dont really have a choice, do we ? we learnt to make decision wisely, so as not to regret in the future. we learnt to do things effectively in our own way, as that suit us the most.

i wonder lots of stuffs endlessly. i realised i have many friends around. i realised that i dont belong anywhere. i realised that people do care for me till the extend it can touches me deep inside. i realised that there are so much more in life.

at times i just hope that certain things can be forgotten.

--- "
a flu + feverish 21st BD ...

adios

25th Dec . Fri . greyish breeze

.Random Thoughts.


I wonder why human remember things ? Why do we have notstalgic feelings whenever we pass by places that we used to familiar with ?


I wonder why human forget things ? Why do we forget things at times we need to recall it ? Why do memories fades away as times passes ?


Sometimes in life we might think nothing about something, wheras others might take it otherwise.


People don't want to remember the past because it's a nightmare to them.


People wants to remember the past because it's a fairytale to them.


Some people choose to let go things because it's doesn't matter to them anymore.


Some people choose to cling on it as a learning experiences in life.


I guess that's life. Somethings happen 'knowingly' while some happen 'unconsciously'.


-- " --


" In life black and white are define by a very fine line but also a very thick zone."


"sometimes in life, chances just come in the wrong time"


-- " --


do pardon me for my poor ang mo ... hahaha


merry christmas everyone ! =)


adios =

20dec09. SUN. orange rain

Finally it's over. the actual day is 6 days away.

happiness, disappointment, excitement, confusion and these were the feelings over the days.

this year was special compared to the past not because it's the start of the route towards adulthood but rather, i am celebrating it with u guys, yup it's u guys who actually embarked onto my 'ship' making it more colourful, creating changes, accompany me through certain part of the journey across the 'ocean'.

i know there were some important people who wasn't invited to celebrated this special day, you guys were impt too however, i am unable to cater to so many people. sorry about that.

---"---

thanks for thoughts and efforts guys =)

[PSR Coasta Sand C06]

--- " ---

14dec09. Mon : purple breeze

now i can understand how chris, LF and Ian felt that period after the burn from exhuast pipe ... the feeling is wahh hhh .. and the 'walk' through those terrain actually worsen it. then plus some water = highhhhh..

slowly bits by bits things are falling in place. but things have to change again, due to my mum decision or suggestions . carry out plan B waahhh .. alright anyway. so use to doing everything myself since young, all of the sudden my mum come in and help hmm like not use to it. but anyway she meant well. but but but i seriously don't like that 'i am still a kid' feeling. people need to experiences and learn. Falling down, moving a longer route, sailing over a tougher sea is part and parcel of life.

another round of headache, keep on going on and off past few weeks. keep on dropping things that i am holding, like just suddenly just let go of the items, and my poor handphone and keys are the most on the 'dropping list'.

I admit that i am just plain stubborn .

adios
--- ' ---

.Wed. 09dec09 . hazy purple .

that spell hits again. cant figure out the root of the problem. was it diet? hydration? psychological? lack of conditioning? metabolism rate? insufficient O2 ? lack of RBC? or issit just the body condition ? i got no idea. it always comes and hit without a reason .

didn really have time for myself the past few days or weeks. Today kind of settled lots of personal stuffs on hands. Tmr will be one of a 'big' day for everyone participating i guess. Anyway tmr will be the first time i wear no. 1. another first time in my 'milestone' .

- Friends -

Some friends are just like clouds and wind,
At certain stage of life they were there,
After which they just disappear from your life.

Some friends are just like a road and track,
They share similar mindset and interest,
As time passes people change and they go seperate ways.

Some friends are just like leaf and branch,
chemistry and experiences make them clique,
some stick around, while some falls leaving a deep footprint in your heart.

the path of fate ?
at every intersection we meet different people.
some stays while some leave.

fated to be friends? fated to be foes? or is it the decision make by one ?

a non sense thoughts and post.

adios

--" --

25nov09 wed : hazy red

' to achieve perfect fairness in the world is 99% impossible, cause the earth is not evenly round'

some people are just that stubborn, refuse to accept others suggestions.

fairness, complications, responsibility, selfishness, autocratic ....

you wldn understand the feelings of it unless u are the one going through it.

mum's back from india

wants to go oversea !!! omg , alright it's not the time yet

--- " ---

26nov2009 thurs : rainy purple

First time I experience a child crying infront of me after coaching so long. guess i sld have put to a stop and not trying to get him over his comfort zone at that point of time haiz somemore he's just a 2 years old kid. it's a thin line between comfort zone and learning new things. have to take things more slowly next time. Seriously i need more experience and explorations in handling kids ... *sigh

sometimes taking public transport is good. can rest, can observe things around .

loves OREO CHEESE CAKE !! thanks sis for that .

oreo + cheese = happy

--- " ---

adios

nowcast: hazy purple

how i hope people around me didn treat me that well.

sometimes i wonder do i deserve such kind treatment from u all ? i feel bad about it. Something i realised, there are times where i didn know how to repay the kindness that you all have given me. But there's somethings i hope to remember 10yrs, 50yrs down the road, that when i was young till now u all are always with me, supporting me therefore i must not forget to repay these kindness. do forgive my selfishness and stubborness at times. thanks uncle dad, lao sim and mum.

if every kind deed is calculate as +1 then i think i wouldn be able to repay all these kindess this life time.

I guess i have sort of forgive and forget what he had done and the damages he cause to us. things went wrong, and he made the wrong choice. He choose to be irresponsible and neglect this family of his. But it isnt his fault entirely, it's because all of us resent him, isolate him, didn give him a chance to chance. I felt sorry for him, although he did not play his part as father, but still i will play my part as a son.

--'--
people wonder why things have to be calculative. why cant things just go in a simpler way ?

however if things wasnt calculative, the world will be in havoc condition. Everything will just be anything and anyhow. Calculation is also a part of order, and fairness. but to what extend, you decide yourself.

any simple sport match can reveal the reality of the world, the practicality of human. it's ugly somehow.

sometime if life doesnt have any feelings or emotions to consider, things will be so much simpler. but think about it again, will you want to leave in a world without care and concern ?

-- " --

Went to Run for Hope '09 , 10km jog with butt. I ask myself what's the reason i am doing it for, for the organisation that organize? for cancer research? for friend ? - i dont know, remain in a blur zone. anyway i guess it doesnt matter.

Just when i am getting numb to the world, someone did something that remind me to be helpful. helpful means helping others we are in need of help, by helping these people their task will be easier and faster, by helping these people they are able to do certain things that are not possible to be done alone. To what extend or under which circumstances should we help, i guess it's up to individual.

bad headache hit again. i cant find out the reason for it this time.

--- " ---

i need a personality change. a change for the better.