16may. sun. purple cloud

-----

it's just another cupid's prank i suppose? or that's life ?

Alright, i know what i should do, since i have opened the door and put my foot in the quicksand ...

*sigh* if only things were much simpler. but oh well nvm, cupid's prank, ll just do my best for all the ships.


.leaves.

here are some nonsense thoughts of mine while sitting on the train.

there was a myth saying that under this particular tree, if it's fallen leaf(brown) falls onto you, your wish will come true. if it's green then no.

upon knowing this, this guy decided to give it a try.

he stood under a tree, waiting for a fallen leaf to fall on him...

after 3 hrs of waiting,

he thought *there's not enough wind today, shall try again tomorrow*.

Then the moment he took a step off the spot he was standing, a gush of wind came and a piece of leave fall on the particular spot,

he sighed, 'nevermind, shall wait longer tomorrow'.

- 2nd day

same thing took a chair and sat under the tree.

it was a windy day, so he thought *more wind more leave more luck! just like the ad ' more birds more luck'*

after 5 hours of waiting

true enough, there were leaves falling but out of all only 2 (green) fall on him.

*i shall wait abit longer.* he told himself.

there the sun set, he gave up and left.

- 3rd day

he reached before sunrise, hoping that with a longer period of waiting time will increase his chances.

wind blow, leaves fall, brown leaves didnt fall onto him.

then a passerby came, the wind blew and brown leaf landed on her shoulder.

with his silly thought, he said 'today shall be the day ! since she got it !'

but he didnt got it.

- 4th day

same time, same place

being ignorance, he thought logically 'should i shift location ? but since this location havent had any fallen brown leave, this location should have higher probability then others.'

he was determined and remain at the same place.

- 3 months later

some passerby got it, some didnt.

he asked the tree 'mr tree, after 3 months of waiting why didnt any ur brown leaves fall onto me ?'

then the tree said 'because according to physic and newton laws, with wind +- 123 and leaves on location xy it will land on here and there ... only when wind +4 on direction a, b or c then it will land on ur location, but then now only a is brown sooo 1 of soooo many ... blah blah blah .'

being tired and angry. he stood up and walk away, then just right at that moment a brown leaf fall onto him... 'finally...' he smiled and understood.

--- " --- 16may0045hrs.

14may. fri. purple cloud

few moment ago, somemore said, 'more sai, more zai' which i agree, but then sometimes in the world of 'darkness'/ reality, it is 'more act, more 'zai' '.

few days ago, someone said 'i wish could be like bob .... .... simple minded .... ... '

few years ago, one of my working senior said, 'welcome to the world of complexity =)'

but still, i ll still stick to what i believes and adhere to.

--- " ---

there are soo many questions and what if s...

but oh well, why think so much ? sld thinking simple be the way ?

*'forget about those remarks, u are great yourself, just be yourself' - the team thinks so too, i suppose majority of the team are with U! so =)"

13may. thu. idk .

glad some of them knows the limit =) though there were still some minority demanding for more.

almost boarded the wrong bus , little did i realise the signage of the bus no. have swapped place until another bus arrived .gosh! what have gotten into my mind.

hmm, wonders.

feels like keeping quiet.

--- 2341hrs1305

10may. mon. purple cloud.

it's just how amazing things could happen when paths met.

rain = take bus = go makan at coffee shop = met my primary sch buddy's mum

just when u look back, u realise how fast time files.

----"----

On the train, I think and ponder, 1st, 2nd, 3rd ...

ta boleh tahan liao, shall lay some of my private thoughts out here.

true or false ?

if it's really really true then what am i suppose to do ? step forward ? backward? stand still? i have decided on a decision myself, but oh well...

alright i am getting too comfortable with this person. but ...

if it's true then it will somehow or rather that it's similar to 1st and 3rd, but in different aspects i suppose. the people, the situations, the solution/ decision.

tried to find the most suitable solution, may it be selfish ones, better ones but still things somehow or rather yi bei ju shou chang. the truth is - there is no perfect solution to it.

the truth is, if it's true then i am not as good as what u think, there's too many flaws in me.

why others lead a simple life, not getting into these messy situations while some will always encounter such complicated situations. how i wish things could be simpler.

mr fortune teller, tell me my fortune will u?
mr counselor, tell me the most appropriate solution will u?
mr consequence, tell me the consequence of all possible steps will u?

ooooh well... L policy.. troublesome as always.

--- " ---

everyone have weakness, for me, being indecisive and unconfident are always the biggest 2. and .... STM where things are always forgotten..

well here i am confuse too. tell me true or false .

well well, thats life.

well well well good night. CS in few hrs time ..

--- " --- 11may0058hrs

09may. sun. windy blue

----"-----

finally ! i can smell it !! 91 days more to go ! hahha free from the liability ! 3 mths !

i woke up with a feeling that 'alright, another rejection this year' such a strong feeling... ok anyway i shldn look forward in the slimmmm chance of getting in.

alright i suppose i shall put this aside and look over to other alternative which will serve the similar purpose i want to achieve in life.

there come to the same dilemma , $$ vs interest, goverment sector (hospital, para medic) or private sector (drug processing)... well well 3 mths

i suppose i not giving up yet, shall try 1 more time, so shall work for 1 year first then see how. dead stubborn uh ? hahha

---

looking out at those vegetation and sky, it just makes me wonder my 'aspect' as a good leader.

though it's like model answer, but oh well ...
- lead by example
- fight for the well being or unfair treatment
- giving clear direction and instruction
- earn trust and respect in them

yup gonna change. more firm.
---"---

my mother day's gift = packing kitchen =x hahhaha

gosh! on batt, and it's gg low ! adios

there's so much i want to type it out but well, i forgot due to STM =x

------ 10may0021hrs

06may. thu. still wind

---

likes barber/hairdresser who are meticulous about your hair .

this was the second shop that i patronise with the hair dresser being so particular about the minor detail of ur hair. Well it's just hair, why bother to be so particular about it? i suppose it's the hair dresser, well well it's the efforts that count. =)

---

1 x update + 1 x 'un- inform' info ... = changes needed = working outside office hrs = =(

it's isnt that i am petty about doing work at home, but these things could have been avoided, by having information passed down properly. that last min update is understandable but but but the 'un-inform' info could have 'kill' ppl tmr ...

no ones like last min changes, i suppose. look on the good side will be at least i know it just now (7pm) than tmr morning (which will be really wtfish!).

actually things wldn be soo troublesome if we just follow the 'format', keep using those who are more hardworking, but it all come down to the consideration of practicality, fairness and welfare. well well well, it might not be the best but still at least it's better .

some old thoughts strike me again: ' same pa*, same ran*, why do some have to do more?'

well well, that's life i suppose. haiz just 'do more, learn more' ...

--- 2309hrs06052010

3may. mon. -

---"---

someone told me this. i find it interesting.
not exactly the same as told, as i forgot here and there due to STM ..

x: is this the right one?
cupid: yes! this is the right one!
x: -_-''', but u also said the same thing when i asked u about previous one! (when it turn out not to be the right one)
cupid:well it's the right one, but i didnt said that there wouldnt be another one =x
x: .... ... then will there be another RIGHT one ?????!!
cupid: well that will be a SURPRISE =D
cupid thoughts: well u will have experience through all this right one inorder to meet the RIGHT one ...

--- " ---

there isnt a fullproof solutions to some of the problems, somethings have to be compromised in order to achieve certain things, u just cant achieve everything. tat's life ..

--- " ---

at this point onward, some part of the history will repeat itself while some will not.

little did i realised i have just fallen into a pit unknowingly while walking through this stretch of road. ... that's life ...

3 = (-2 -1) = (x3, 2.1 =?)

-- " -- 0014hrs040510 adios

26apr. mon. cloudy purple

--"--

distanced from my fellow camp buddies,
cause we are on a different route,
and now we are doing differnt scope of duties, i suppose ...

my indecisiveness drag others down,
some of my decisions got others into trouble,
i thought things would be better if i could just follow what i believes. but that wldn work in reality.

how great things will be if everything i can just settle alone,
where no ones will be affected,
where there's only one to blame.

--"--

tell me sld i or sld i not ..

.i need to speak to 3 person dot. wu^ .

---"---2357hrs2604

'when paths met, choices set, that's life.'

22apr. thu. still wind

happy / anger

mixed emotions

Handles different people everyday, some were friendly, while some were rude. well well that's life.

unhappy about things happening around. apple vs pear, oranges vs peach, they can never be compare on par, it will never be fair. it's always that minority (or sld i say there's only 1, idk). Just here to do the things which i believes is right.

it will be good to have a pat on my shoulder with a smile saying, 'thank you very much'.

---"---
.Genuine Smile.

A smile a day keep the dark away,

It's a simple facial expression which indicates,
the sign of gratitude,
the sign of appreciation,
and the sign of recognition.

it's a communicate of feeling which is,
a display of happiness,
a display of contentment,
a display of amusement.

a smile should never be underestimate as,
a smile of one inspires others smile,
a smile of one brighten up others day,
a smile of one bond one another closer together.

If's isnt that bad afterall with smiles around =D.

---- ~ ---- 23apr0019hrs

21apr. wed. red cloud

admins, welfares/ rights(top n bottom considerations), sai gangs (some doesnt within my scoop), politics (which i have been avoiding everywhere) ... everythings makes me troubled and this is just the start to the last stretch of my journey in ...

Just take it as a learning experiences. the more u see, the more u know, the more u handle, the more u'll be better.

when there's peace people makes trouble, when there's chaos then people learn to appreciate peace. *sighs*

'cant u just stop stepping in and making unecessary noises?' u guys are ok now, so why not let's just have 'peacetime' tgt, instead having people disliking u ?

--- ~ --- 21apr2253hrs

19apr. mon. purple clouds.

Sort of like this phase.

'But you WILL know,
you will feel it within your heart;
you will feel it within your soul;
you will feel it within every fibre of your Being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.'

- http://www.innerlightworkers.co.uk/archangels/azrael.htm

wants to know more about 'archangel azrael' - angel of death.

wants to improve on his swimming =(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|20apr0014hrs

18apr. sun. purple clouds

-final pin of hope is gg to be dash in 2 mths time. well by 'betting' on something which is 90% not feasible, disappointment should be expected. oh well at least i tried for a possible miricle to happen. Time to resign to destiny. Some path are just meant to be choosen. Looking at all my fellow dbio mates choosen busniness studies over science, it makes me wonder ... ... it's just like leading a life for others / self in my point.

-both fun and emo night for ytd. just when other pouring out their pain and sorrow, I just cant find the reason to why there were some leading a sorrowful life, while some leading a smooth without much obstacles life.

- hope history dont repeat itself. i got no idea what's best to handle such situation.

--- : 18apr1158hrs

16apr. sat. cloudy grey

- just 4x spoonful of spoiled cake = 5x visiting toilet more tmr ? hope not.
- sometimes i wonder am i fighting for the right thing. fairness for them. i am so afraid that i fight for the wrong thing. But still we are the one who have to fight for their rights, if we dont then who will?
- stone, stone, stone. i hope history will not repeat itself.
- it's have been a very long time ever since i experience the blood gushing around my face feeling. shows that i am working hard enough hahaha
- I cant find an appropriate reason to go for still water trg without my kakis.
- still can feel the twitching pain ard left ankle since mar from drill boots, but it's improving.

- - -
time to rest. take a break.

17apr0017hrs.

14apr. wed. breezy blue

rush rush rush, fight fight fight, ... to complete things, to get fairness, to attain mutual agreement... somehow or rather ... got so tired ...

almost BANG ! not once but twice on the road, both due to driver changing lanes abruptly. 1 x lorry + 1 x car .. one in the morning, one in the evening ..

sort of feeling more relieved today. lighter burden =)

like the feelings of swimming today. the water + chlorine + feel.
--- " ---

12apr. mon. purple culumbus clouds

As what i foresee previously, this week is gg to be a super !@#$% =( week... today is just the start of it ... and signs are appearing... haiz ... the picture shall be my spokeperson on how i exactly felt this afternoon. My mistakes for making wrong decisions as informations didnt pass down at all. not once, but ..... Take it as an experiences, as a lesson then i will know how to handle it in the future.



the responsibilities/duties are surely something that's heavy. I took it up, suck them up but still more are coming. some are even totally unrelated to me. oh well that's life. everyone only know what they saw/heard, everyone only knows bits and pieces of it.

this sunday = boring ! need to find self entertainment, as most(actually only 3 or mayb more?) of my khakis will be at oversea, germany, china some donno where donnoe where ... so next 2 weekks = BORING.

who shall i turn to ? Seriously not feeling emotionally well today . hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

think +ve ... it will be over sooonnn
---- : ----

I almost forget my eldest bro bd is TMR! when it's stated on my calendar -_-"' .

Thanks Uncle Dad for things he gave, really appreciate, shall repay bits by bits when i start working. just when i am feeling __,he rang me and just so happen that i was just walking home near his car.

--- : ---

that's all folk ..

11apr. sun. still wind

sit down,(uncle board) stand up, (2 - 3 seats avalible) sit down agn, (aunty board) stand up, (almost empty cabin) haiya don sit liao la! hahaha (that's what happened on the train today... sometimes how i wish i can ignore their presence as i am not on a 'priority seats' =x )

gym w mr WH, omg weight still the same . sianzation.

forgot what i want to wrote initially ... so shall start my nonsense.

---" ---
dim. feelings as string of integers
dim sad as 1, emo as 2, smile as 3, happy as 4
dim sequence in note

note:

2 not equal 1
1 equal 2

3 not = 4
4 = 3

2,4 might be due to work or bonds or personal

conclusion = mixed

end.comment

--- " ---
L policy (nonsense)

L is a good policy,
it gave one strength,confident, smiles and comfort

L is a bad policy,
it gave one tears, worries , anger and sad

Still whether is it good or bad, it's up to the one who handle it and sees it.

*only get the policy when things are appropriate and chemistry are right. so it's best not to get it when one is not ready.

more nonsense ...here's a 'curse' or love web, which have been happening around us and evloving around us since our(human) era ? that's why true love exist only 1 in a 1000. lol jkjk



--- " ---

enuff of nonsense and de stressing...

sometimes i just like to do things purely base on feeling, without any logical reasoning...

---- ' ----

adios

10apr. sat. still wind

Soo starting ... from the morning rite from 6am where i drag myself soooo hard out of my bed, and finally after 20mins of determination ... i got out of it. realising that things i thot suppose to be there isnt there !! hopping around to find it... thanks mum who kept it ...

'sometimes i just wonder, why my mum do so much for me when i didnt even do alot for her .... '

wanted to join in the jogging session, but well unable to do so still, by the time i reach it was like 850am .... toooo late .. this suppose to be my last beach trg for the next few months, AND IT RAINS LIKE CAT AND DOG !!! alright the worst is yet to come, just as the rain subsided we start surfing and I am sooooo lucky enough to get my first ever stung by jellyfish , 2xcombo somemore .. (strips on the left arm + swelling at the right middle finger) !! the starting feelings is like 10x seabug bites on the area, the stingy stingy kind. then itch itch ... then another NUS guy got stung too, well only 2 of us out of like sooo many ppl. anyway it got so much better now, thanks to the lifeguard on duty for the spray.

chervon ... unable to get the brown vests for mr bear! total sianness...

--- ' ---

total sianness, been thinking too much things that might happen, if certain things took place. well certainly just hope for the better.

fate or destiny, somethings are just meant to happen, with that certain people at the particular area....

6th sense

09apr. fri. sunny orange =)

decided to take train instead of biking to NDC, purely on feeling. 6th sense i suppose hahah. anyway who wld guess that just 2 hrs after the bright sunny weather, it's heavy rain with CAT 1 ?? well tthat's what exactly happen just when i step right out of the dental centre . i was like *phew* didn ride

thanks ms dentist for her forgiveness in me being overslept for a appt and giving me another appt date so near.
dentist: hi, experience any pain ??
m: no .
dentist: ytd morning unable to make it for the dental appt last min uh ? (jovial tone*)
m: (OMG ! soo ps la !) sooo sorry about it ... i ... =x
dentist: (laugh*)

---

reasons for choosing public transport over bike.
1) shelter!!
2) less probability of getting into accident.
3) can plug in ear piece and listen to music
4) can emo ! and think about stuffs (if ride and think = bang !)
5) can see people, yup how people does things (those interesting stuffs that happen around), see chio bus also =x

well,having a personal transport still weight more benefits then public transport i suppose.

reasons on how ppl decide on their career.
- take on whatever it's come
- the material ($$) return / propect
- for the bigger picture (PURPOSE) in life (eg. helping more people around , benefitting the society, becoming the world richest man, saving the environment, catching all bandits in the world...)
- for personal interest (just like to do this and that)
- etc

welll for me ? i suppose i have decided on the 3rd one . so things i choose will be highly based on my purpose in life . once i told someone about my dream, and he laughed at it saying 'model answer eh ? haha things like that wldn be happening in the reall life society...' well i shall prove to u that it's achievable .

--- " ---

I wonder how many strangers do we have eyes contact with ...
well i have 2 today ! hahah 1 from a ms who glaze at me (i tot something wrong with my appearance, alien !! ) and another from a baby (well i made a cheeky face in return =x!!) hahahha what about u ?

bus ride = ear plugs on + emoing time = good time for reflections

- camps ( how am i able to make better decisions at times ? which will both benefit people around me and also the 'mission' itself ? ) i suppose at times i wldn able to call for the most logical and practical decision. =(

- r/s (mostly about the past. welll thinking back, those things which i have done to salvage it was so dumb and unecessary haha i sld have take things more lightly)

- friends/ teammates 1)( i realise how bonds actually make seperation unbearably painful or 'how i wish' feeling. yup certainly i know, becos of those bonds i form with them, i gonna miss them real much when time comes to part.) that's the reason why i don like to form strong bonds with people in the past.... cos at the end of the day, parting is just another part and parcel in life. but still we will leave behind those colourful memories.. 2)thanks them for accepting my weakness (well we are all of different caliber(though i have upgraded from sampan to bumper boat, u guys are still torpedoes hahah). i know it well myself, v still they didn laugh at it or whatsoever, they accepted me as a friend, a teammate though we are of different caliber and i alway tend to pull u guys down in still water events.=( thanks guys.

--- ' ---
i have a good friend unhappy.

'no matter how dark the clouds is, it will still be gone one day.'

hope things will work out better and favourable on his/her side =) n e 2kg jia you !

08apr. thu. breezy blue

LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.

- 05, 06, RPLS chalet, get to know more about the juniors, some unhappiness happening around, still we are entertaining ourself when everything's over =) v soon in the near future, wldn be able to see them that much often or rather once in a bluemoon ?? with g trg coming up on all sats, i suppose i wldn be gg down for sat beach trg after this sat, till maybe like i ORD ? haha. the miss the sand, board, sun, sea, my teammates my friends.

- ytd was the 2nd time, higher content, higher effect but less destructive aftermath. great day with shuan, SL and sue. nv want to unleash the other side of me again. Anyway, once i see u as my good friend, you will be one alway =)

- forgot about dental appt in the morning ! damn shitty feeling, thanks them for being so forgiving and change it to tmr.

- ring ring ring, beep beep beep, sooo many text and phone calls from work =( haiz, what's this ?? i am on leave ... and still unable to get away from my task and responsiblity temporary. and well more things to face, more situation to handle next week.Why am i the person keep getting blame for other's troubles, decisions, confusion. tired la !! i need a break from all these.

the top just don understand how complicate things work at the bottom, and the bottom just dont know how to appreciated what they have currently but just keep asking for more.

I tried telling myself, just take it as a experiences in handling people from both the higher up and lower end, but still this ideas just died off easily. Ok at least now every bits and pieces of confusion have been cleared with everything settled down.


'just take it as a learning experience for the future.'

getting more distanced from campmates, changing roles, different duties and responsibilities.

--- " ---

tried looking on the bright side. but things wasnt really gg well on my side ...

all i hope now is to receive a acceptance letter and have my future decide.

I want to go back to the past where by i am able to do things alone without the help of others. all by myself. but that wldn happen i suppose.

can someone tell me my mistakes ? my weakness ? remind me of things I should keep it up ?? haiz

am wasting my time, not spending it effectively but rotting it away.

01apr10. thu. breezy

Finally lonng rest after so long. 1 major event down, left with 2 more parade to go ! never regret choosing this path. No matter how tough life, going to be, i am sure i will make it, cause this is what I hope to achieve.

Anyway make a major mistake/accident during the event itself, while recovering from salutation, scope stuck to right pocket, unable to remedy it, follow by inspection. lucky enough they didnt stop infront of me, if not whole eyes from the spectator stand will be on me. phew ...

alright learn from mistake, next time have to get use to excecuting this drill more 'out' and precise then this will have very low chance of happening.

wants to go k-box !! sian ...

back to rotting ...

---

dim. gain weight

regular gyming/ exerising = gain weights

no workout = lose weight.

no eat / eat too much = not much significant changes in weight.

therefore . workout regularly !

--- " ---

31mar10. wed. Cloudy

It's the 'D-day' tomorrow. Somehow or rather i have lose confident in performing up to expectations. Afraid something will cork up, afraid that i didnt do things perfectly, afraid that no ones correct/ advise me on my mistakes. A weird person, isn't it ? haiz the feeling that some mistake will be make tmr, like what happen in the past.

It's rather hard to mange a large group of people (>40). Seriously lack of rest for the past 3 days, sleeping late(1+), waking up early (5+). Sort of worn out by the routine and those responsibilities given.

dim. body equation.

no sun + stationary standing = cold stingy feelings.

no sun + stomachache + stationary standing = numb, pale feeling

tolerance level to equation = 20mins to 1hrs

--- tested and proven ---

'Exceed, Endure, Excel' -- 3E that suddenly struck my mind.

------"-------

30mar10. tues. cloudy

Alright finally sometimes for myself to spend time alone after 2 days of hectic duties and responsibilities. Saw the ugly and greedy side of them, for the sake of the shirt and laziness sigh*. Probably it's due to my way in handling them ? Too friendly and nice i suppose.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WEN JUN! =D

Heard from some guys regarding some questions asked by certain person. How i hope there will be a situation or opportunity for me to tell this person straight in his face that ' CANT YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSNINESS AND STOP INTERFERING THINGS GIVING EVERYONE A MORE TROUBLED LIFE?? AND STOP BEING SO PARANOID ABOUT US BEING PULL OUT!"
You have no right to judge our training siong anot. cos you wasnt there.
You have no right to say that we were given too much previlleges, cos you wasnt the one who decide what we deserve. (moreover we havent receive any of our previlleges till now and our previlleges are given by those people who saw our hard work and sweats. )
SO STOP COMPARING ! THIS ISNT UR 1 MAN UNIT/ ORGANISATION! You are the one who deprived your people from privilleges, then dont use the way you handle your guys as compare to the way others do.

angry, where i shouldnt.

------- "