27may. thu. blue breeze.

wanted to but choose another.

- wanted to swim in the morning, but ended up swimming in the evening.
- wanted to ride but forgot to take coupon + lazy to go up = take bus la ! (it's near anyway)
- wanted to eat here but saw him, so went to another coffee shop.
- wanted to go lib but lazy, sooo another day la uh.

wanted to , but didnt...

goooshhh. i am watching kong zi movie, certainly it's not exciting but it's .

it makes me ponder, ren dao, li yi, blah blah, but something for sure is that i totally agree on his teachings. dont know why too .

'in reality, there's always kindness and also cruelity'

'on a see-saw, if u are here, then i will always be there on the other side'

---- " ----- 27may2240hrs

26may, wed, grey grey dull dull


it's such simple logic yet i need someone to make me realise that, ' being nice is one thing, being silly is another. pls don be silly. ' thanks Pranav for that =)

this actually makes me ponder for really long, somehow or rather have the urge of sitting alone at the seaside to do some reflection.

i realize sometimes, or rather most of the time, i didn't notice the line between silly and nice. though i have once tell myself that, i will only help people who needs help and not those who want help.

thinking back, i felt silly for somethings i did in the past.

sometimes, being care is much easier than to care i suppose, at least less brain juice is being squeeze and method or styles varies from one to another. sometimes u wants to care but it's just that u have no idea how to go about it. oh well is that any book title 'art of caring' ?!

gosh! thermostat indicator = rising, water tank level = low, sneeze sneeze sneeze, itch throat ... my body is weird nowadays, cold shower + more fluid. - weather + diet + activities to blame i suppose.

---- " ---- 26may2249h

21may. fri. purple cloud

gosh! how could human's decision or reaction change so drastically according to his mood? lucky he's on good mood today. oh well, that's life.

sometimes, no matter how much you do in life, it just didnt beat the impression given/ potray to others.

well well, i suppose it's my turn to say 'you are getting me confuse'... well i hope to get a SUPER-BIG radar to read your thoughts and a ULTRA-SENSITIVE heart rate monitor to sense how you feel. omg! i am typing junks over here.

alot people says, fairy tales doesnt exist in reality, well well agree agree to a certain extend.

but still everyones have their very own 'fairy-tales' in their life.

but oh well, like what's commonly said, it takes 2 hands to clap, 2 hands to hold. do we need a chat over this?

there will always be expectations which were not state out/ stated out that are not fulfills, it will cause dissapointment. how i hope i have the confident to say it out, 'i wouldnt dissapoint u / u guys/ people around me.'

few moments i forgot, then i recalled when i was brushing teeth, and now it's forgotten agn !! my STM level just upgraded by itself ..

alright i just realise i am writing junks for this entry.

---- " ---- 0021hrs22may.

19may. Wed. red clouds

gosh. seriously i got no idea how to handle them for being rude, no-manners and now even making decision without asking ? alright i am not refering to all, it's always the same few. alright i suppose i failed to perform my secondary role well ? issit gen gap? (but they are the same age of mine) or issit that things differ as the batches diff ?

I seriously hate the feeling of being stuck in-between. c gives probs, a 'sqeeze' b agn, then b 'suck it up', then 'squeeze' the minimal of c. nv wants to take disciplinary actions on them, or rather believes that things shouldn be working that way. that's life, somehow being 'nice' to others means being 'mean' to urself.

shall figure out some ways to make things better. every problem given is a chance to learn and improve ya ?

and yes, i dislike this organisation by itself, after knowing more things. well guess my mates were right for saying me simple minded, after 'detach' from 'their side' and bother about things on my side.

alright, enough whining. yawns.

whining are good way to de-stress, i suppose.

after u whine, u left ur feelings here and carry on.

alright i just forgot what i was thinking a few moment ago in spilt sec. yawns aging, aging.

---- " ---- 19may2156hrs

17may. mon. na.

haha well well, it's just another cupid's prank's prank.

let's face it, if that's the fact then get over it ya ?pls dont feel bad or whatsoever and really really pls don bother or think about it anymore, since it has become the past. it will be better for you and me then =)

everyone make mistakes rite? u and i do make mistakes too. at least you have told me the situation before more complications comes in. =)

no worries, be happy, everything will be alright. smile =D

that's life, my destiny.

---- " ----

16may. sun. purple cloud

-----

it's just another cupid's prank i suppose? or that's life ?

Alright, i know what i should do, since i have opened the door and put my foot in the quicksand ...

*sigh* if only things were much simpler. but oh well nvm, cupid's prank, ll just do my best for all the ships.


.leaves.

here are some nonsense thoughts of mine while sitting on the train.

there was a myth saying that under this particular tree, if it's fallen leaf(brown) falls onto you, your wish will come true. if it's green then no.

upon knowing this, this guy decided to give it a try.

he stood under a tree, waiting for a fallen leaf to fall on him...

after 3 hrs of waiting,

he thought *there's not enough wind today, shall try again tomorrow*.

Then the moment he took a step off the spot he was standing, a gush of wind came and a piece of leave fall on the particular spot,

he sighed, 'nevermind, shall wait longer tomorrow'.

- 2nd day

same thing took a chair and sat under the tree.

it was a windy day, so he thought *more wind more leave more luck! just like the ad ' more birds more luck'*

after 5 hours of waiting

true enough, there were leaves falling but out of all only 2 (green) fall on him.

*i shall wait abit longer.* he told himself.

there the sun set, he gave up and left.

- 3rd day

he reached before sunrise, hoping that with a longer period of waiting time will increase his chances.

wind blow, leaves fall, brown leaves didnt fall onto him.

then a passerby came, the wind blew and brown leaf landed on her shoulder.

with his silly thought, he said 'today shall be the day ! since she got it !'

but he didnt got it.

- 4th day

same time, same place

being ignorance, he thought logically 'should i shift location ? but since this location havent had any fallen brown leave, this location should have higher probability then others.'

he was determined and remain at the same place.

- 3 months later

some passerby got it, some didnt.

he asked the tree 'mr tree, after 3 months of waiting why didnt any ur brown leaves fall onto me ?'

then the tree said 'because according to physic and newton laws, with wind +- 123 and leaves on location xy it will land on here and there ... only when wind +4 on direction a, b or c then it will land on ur location, but then now only a is brown sooo 1 of soooo many ... blah blah blah .'

being tired and angry. he stood up and walk away, then just right at that moment a brown leaf fall onto him... 'finally...' he smiled and understood.

--- " --- 16may0045hrs.

14may. fri. purple cloud

few moment ago, somemore said, 'more sai, more zai' which i agree, but then sometimes in the world of 'darkness'/ reality, it is 'more act, more 'zai' '.

few days ago, someone said 'i wish could be like bob .... .... simple minded .... ... '

few years ago, one of my working senior said, 'welcome to the world of complexity =)'

but still, i ll still stick to what i believes and adhere to.

--- " ---

there are soo many questions and what if s...

but oh well, why think so much ? sld thinking simple be the way ?

*'forget about those remarks, u are great yourself, just be yourself' - the team thinks so too, i suppose majority of the team are with U! so =)"

13may. thu. idk .

glad some of them knows the limit =) though there were still some minority demanding for more.

almost boarded the wrong bus , little did i realise the signage of the bus no. have swapped place until another bus arrived .gosh! what have gotten into my mind.

hmm, wonders.

feels like keeping quiet.

--- 2341hrs1305

10may. mon. purple cloud.

it's just how amazing things could happen when paths met.

rain = take bus = go makan at coffee shop = met my primary sch buddy's mum

just when u look back, u realise how fast time files.

----"----

On the train, I think and ponder, 1st, 2nd, 3rd ...

ta boleh tahan liao, shall lay some of my private thoughts out here.

true or false ?

if it's really really true then what am i suppose to do ? step forward ? backward? stand still? i have decided on a decision myself, but oh well...

alright i am getting too comfortable with this person. but ...

if it's true then it will somehow or rather that it's similar to 1st and 3rd, but in different aspects i suppose. the people, the situations, the solution/ decision.

tried to find the most suitable solution, may it be selfish ones, better ones but still things somehow or rather yi bei ju shou chang. the truth is - there is no perfect solution to it.

the truth is, if it's true then i am not as good as what u think, there's too many flaws in me.

why others lead a simple life, not getting into these messy situations while some will always encounter such complicated situations. how i wish things could be simpler.

mr fortune teller, tell me my fortune will u?
mr counselor, tell me the most appropriate solution will u?
mr consequence, tell me the consequence of all possible steps will u?

ooooh well... L policy.. troublesome as always.

--- " ---

everyone have weakness, for me, being indecisive and unconfident are always the biggest 2. and .... STM where things are always forgotten..

well here i am confuse too. tell me true or false .

well well, thats life.

well well well good night. CS in few hrs time ..

--- " --- 11may0058hrs

09may. sun. windy blue

----"-----

finally ! i can smell it !! 91 days more to go ! hahha free from the liability ! 3 mths !

i woke up with a feeling that 'alright, another rejection this year' such a strong feeling... ok anyway i shldn look forward in the slimmmm chance of getting in.

alright i suppose i shall put this aside and look over to other alternative which will serve the similar purpose i want to achieve in life.

there come to the same dilemma , $$ vs interest, goverment sector (hospital, para medic) or private sector (drug processing)... well well 3 mths

i suppose i not giving up yet, shall try 1 more time, so shall work for 1 year first then see how. dead stubborn uh ? hahha

---

looking out at those vegetation and sky, it just makes me wonder my 'aspect' as a good leader.

though it's like model answer, but oh well ...
- lead by example
- fight for the well being or unfair treatment
- giving clear direction and instruction
- earn trust and respect in them

yup gonna change. more firm.
---"---

my mother day's gift = packing kitchen =x hahhaha

gosh! on batt, and it's gg low ! adios

there's so much i want to type it out but well, i forgot due to STM =x

------ 10may0021hrs

06may. thu. still wind

---

likes barber/hairdresser who are meticulous about your hair .

this was the second shop that i patronise with the hair dresser being so particular about the minor detail of ur hair. Well it's just hair, why bother to be so particular about it? i suppose it's the hair dresser, well well it's the efforts that count. =)

---

1 x update + 1 x 'un- inform' info ... = changes needed = working outside office hrs = =(

it's isnt that i am petty about doing work at home, but these things could have been avoided, by having information passed down properly. that last min update is understandable but but but the 'un-inform' info could have 'kill' ppl tmr ...

no ones like last min changes, i suppose. look on the good side will be at least i know it just now (7pm) than tmr morning (which will be really wtfish!).

actually things wldn be soo troublesome if we just follow the 'format', keep using those who are more hardworking, but it all come down to the consideration of practicality, fairness and welfare. well well well, it might not be the best but still at least it's better .

some old thoughts strike me again: ' same pa*, same ran*, why do some have to do more?'

well well, that's life i suppose. haiz just 'do more, learn more' ...

--- 2309hrs06052010

3may. mon. -

---"---

someone told me this. i find it interesting.
not exactly the same as told, as i forgot here and there due to STM ..

x: is this the right one?
cupid: yes! this is the right one!
x: -_-''', but u also said the same thing when i asked u about previous one! (when it turn out not to be the right one)
cupid:well it's the right one, but i didnt said that there wouldnt be another one =x
x: .... ... then will there be another RIGHT one ?????!!
cupid: well that will be a SURPRISE =D
cupid thoughts: well u will have experience through all this right one inorder to meet the RIGHT one ...

--- " ---

there isnt a fullproof solutions to some of the problems, somethings have to be compromised in order to achieve certain things, u just cant achieve everything. tat's life ..

--- " ---

at this point onward, some part of the history will repeat itself while some will not.

little did i realised i have just fallen into a pit unknowingly while walking through this stretch of road. ... that's life ...

3 = (-2 -1) = (x3, 2.1 =?)

-- " -- 0014hrs040510 adios

26apr. mon. cloudy purple

--"--

distanced from my fellow camp buddies,
cause we are on a different route,
and now we are doing differnt scope of duties, i suppose ...

my indecisiveness drag others down,
some of my decisions got others into trouble,
i thought things would be better if i could just follow what i believes. but that wldn work in reality.

how great things will be if everything i can just settle alone,
where no ones will be affected,
where there's only one to blame.

--"--

tell me sld i or sld i not ..

.i need to speak to 3 person dot. wu^ .

---"---2357hrs2604

'when paths met, choices set, that's life.'

22apr. thu. still wind

happy / anger

mixed emotions

Handles different people everyday, some were friendly, while some were rude. well well that's life.

unhappy about things happening around. apple vs pear, oranges vs peach, they can never be compare on par, it will never be fair. it's always that minority (or sld i say there's only 1, idk). Just here to do the things which i believes is right.

it will be good to have a pat on my shoulder with a smile saying, 'thank you very much'.

---"---
.Genuine Smile.

A smile a day keep the dark away,

It's a simple facial expression which indicates,
the sign of gratitude,
the sign of appreciation,
and the sign of recognition.

it's a communicate of feeling which is,
a display of happiness,
a display of contentment,
a display of amusement.

a smile should never be underestimate as,
a smile of one inspires others smile,
a smile of one brighten up others day,
a smile of one bond one another closer together.

If's isnt that bad afterall with smiles around =D.

---- ~ ---- 23apr0019hrs

21apr. wed. red cloud

admins, welfares/ rights(top n bottom considerations), sai gangs (some doesnt within my scoop), politics (which i have been avoiding everywhere) ... everythings makes me troubled and this is just the start to the last stretch of my journey in ...

Just take it as a learning experiences. the more u see, the more u know, the more u handle, the more u'll be better.

when there's peace people makes trouble, when there's chaos then people learn to appreciate peace. *sighs*

'cant u just stop stepping in and making unecessary noises?' u guys are ok now, so why not let's just have 'peacetime' tgt, instead having people disliking u ?

--- ~ --- 21apr2253hrs

19apr. mon. purple clouds.

Sort of like this phase.

'But you WILL know,
you will feel it within your heart;
you will feel it within your soul;
you will feel it within every fibre of your Being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.'

- http://www.innerlightworkers.co.uk/archangels/azrael.htm

wants to know more about 'archangel azrael' - angel of death.

wants to improve on his swimming =(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|20apr0014hrs

18apr. sun. purple clouds

-final pin of hope is gg to be dash in 2 mths time. well by 'betting' on something which is 90% not feasible, disappointment should be expected. oh well at least i tried for a possible miricle to happen. Time to resign to destiny. Some path are just meant to be choosen. Looking at all my fellow dbio mates choosen busniness studies over science, it makes me wonder ... ... it's just like leading a life for others / self in my point.

-both fun and emo night for ytd. just when other pouring out their pain and sorrow, I just cant find the reason to why there were some leading a sorrowful life, while some leading a smooth without much obstacles life.

- hope history dont repeat itself. i got no idea what's best to handle such situation.

--- : 18apr1158hrs

16apr. sat. cloudy grey

- just 4x spoonful of spoiled cake = 5x visiting toilet more tmr ? hope not.
- sometimes i wonder am i fighting for the right thing. fairness for them. i am so afraid that i fight for the wrong thing. But still we are the one who have to fight for their rights, if we dont then who will?
- stone, stone, stone. i hope history will not repeat itself.
- it's have been a very long time ever since i experience the blood gushing around my face feeling. shows that i am working hard enough hahaha
- I cant find an appropriate reason to go for still water trg without my kakis.
- still can feel the twitching pain ard left ankle since mar from drill boots, but it's improving.

- - -
time to rest. take a break.

17apr0017hrs.

14apr. wed. breezy blue

rush rush rush, fight fight fight, ... to complete things, to get fairness, to attain mutual agreement... somehow or rather ... got so tired ...

almost BANG ! not once but twice on the road, both due to driver changing lanes abruptly. 1 x lorry + 1 x car .. one in the morning, one in the evening ..

sort of feeling more relieved today. lighter burden =)

like the feelings of swimming today. the water + chlorine + feel.
--- " ---

12apr. mon. purple culumbus clouds

As what i foresee previously, this week is gg to be a super !@#$% =( week... today is just the start of it ... and signs are appearing... haiz ... the picture shall be my spokeperson on how i exactly felt this afternoon. My mistakes for making wrong decisions as informations didnt pass down at all. not once, but ..... Take it as an experiences, as a lesson then i will know how to handle it in the future.



the responsibilities/duties are surely something that's heavy. I took it up, suck them up but still more are coming. some are even totally unrelated to me. oh well that's life. everyone only know what they saw/heard, everyone only knows bits and pieces of it.

this sunday = boring ! need to find self entertainment, as most(actually only 3 or mayb more?) of my khakis will be at oversea, germany, china some donno where donnoe where ... so next 2 weekks = BORING.

who shall i turn to ? Seriously not feeling emotionally well today . hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

think +ve ... it will be over sooonnn
---- : ----

I almost forget my eldest bro bd is TMR! when it's stated on my calendar -_-"' .

Thanks Uncle Dad for things he gave, really appreciate, shall repay bits by bits when i start working. just when i am feeling __,he rang me and just so happen that i was just walking home near his car.

--- : ---

that's all folk ..