: red clouds

first job interview at sgh.

alright was quite pissed when some last min thing clashes with my job interview tmr + on leave, called up the company, and there goes my chance. #$%^&*! so if it's something that 'not that impt' i will get really pissed off. >:(

alright, anger aside.

i wonder what's missing in me that make me a better person? Certainly beside confidence and decisiveness there's something missing.

whenever i tell others about the path i am going in the future they will be like ' :O , REALLY ?!' !! well judging by the cover people thought that i am someone who will have career in sport industry.. -_-"'' !

nxt some old thoughts...

seem that life in r/s isnt easy when things turn rough (not physical rough in that sense)hahhah ??

well we called it immature, overly-possessive, keep wanting to cling onto other party, revenge, unable to let go .. whatever it is, i suppose it's a poison which harm you, yourself and other party.

issit love the cause ? or issit just pure selfishness ? or issit 不服气 ? or issit just habits that need time to kick off ?

certainlty i suppose inter-related to one another ? People always have the wrong concept of 'fairness' hmmm example, when u give $1 you must get back 1 pear ? well for another cases i suppose would be persistance in the wrong way ? you thought by doing this or that, she/he will be back? but very often forgotten that this isnt what she/he wants? ur perfect 'love story' doesnt match with his or hers. sigh.. feelings, chemistry, a mystery... when there's only one hand trying to clap, it's a sign to ____, because they cant clap the same tune anymore.

There was a song lyric,
感情的付出, 不是真心就会有结果
.
.
.
没有一个人, 非要另一个人, 才能过一生
.
.
.
爱若变成了刺
思念也成了痴
也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

- 我知道你很难过 by Jolin Tsai


get some life guys ! it's time to wake up ...
when it's time to let go... let go ...
------- " ------

: -

it just take a simple coffee shop and 3 persons to enjoy a feastful dim sum :)

all the best to u guys who are gg into army ! =)

--------"

: :(

alright, today mistakes after mistake, even i myself dont know what i am doing, no 'feelings' eh, i mean the drill feelings. everythings is like so not there, sigh where have it gone to ?

alright, even my encik says: 'yikai you ok anot ? u look xin shi chong chong...' -_-"' but oh well i am ok. really ok but its just that i dont feel like talking much today ? perhaps due to yytd 'mistakes'?, today's humidity?, or prolly due to some unbalance hormones issues ?, or due to some complicated stuffs going through my mind which i dk know how to put it into words? well well hahaha

you need to be more confident, just that confident will have that great differences in you. well this isnt the first person, hopefully it will be the last person telling me that. ohhh welll can someone tell me where to buy confident? sigh if only it can be buy...

unhappy issues aside, on my ride home frm camp, just as i stop beside bus ( full of kids, and all are from my primary sch) oh well then this 2 kids wave and salute at me, i was like -_-"'. oh well after all those 'demoralise stuffs' happened, this actually sorta cheered me up.

: -

this is insane ! i just spent sooooo muchhhh without much thought(within 1 day)! sigh ! *knock knock* what am i doing ?! and now i am falling back to my 'last line of defense' -_-"' sounds like war time uh? everytime i buy somethings which require huge $$ (laptop, bike ... ) i will always make sure i have sufficient buffer before proceeding, but not this time round. Lesson learnt, don do stupid things agn ..

when it's fast, it just took less than 20 mins to reach home =x

r/s? i suppose is one of the root to problems and unhappiness to some. at some point of time, couples do question themselve over certain things.some manage to take a step back and look at the wider view at how things is happening, which should be the best solution and manage to carry on to another stage of r/s with stronger bonds(though some might end up otherwise)...while some are still caught in a dilemma. also there might be some who are persistent to look at the their own narrow point of view. sigh i suppose that's life ya ? deep inside *heart beat- bom po bom po *, is the place where people find their answers.

alright ! well I suppose if it's the right one we will know it ourselves, pro about being single = one can spread his/her 'loves' around to everyone around him/her !! hahahah

----"------

: -

sigh ! mistake after mistake ... 'com on buck up buck up !' my performance have been a disappointment to myself and sometimes the trainers expectations.

tmr will be a buzy day ..

- - - -

:

dilemma !!!

sigh, things always happpened when i least expect it to ... calls are finally coming in .. but but but none are interview yet, is like telling you (general selection stage 'passed', kindly wait for semi final (interview))-_-"'

personal gain, career progress in the future, work system, personal interest (big picture).

easy way: lean back, fall back to plans offered , plan later , sounds good ? but still there's certain limitations and considerations.

hard way: enter healthcare working enviroment for experiences, then get a healthscience degree, is like taking one big round and start again (but oh well time to spend some thot reality or passion), but certainly, i stand a greater advantages over biopharm ind than healthsci

so it will be lab jobs vs ind jobs vs hosp jobs
let's see if only considering this 3 kind of job avaliable and other factors (beside the stated ones) are not taken into consideration.

xxxxxx $$ xxx interest xxx location xxx career prog (in future) xxx schdule preferance xxx

lab research: mid xxx low xxx mid xxx low xxx highxxx
biopharm ind: highxxx mid xxx low xxx highxxx mid xxx
health care : low xxx highxxx highxxx mid xxx low xxx

-------------:
that's why when you get this, you wldn get that...

simply say you cant have the best of both world.

play a first come first serve game ? more $$ more talk game ? passion game ? leave it to fate game ?

phone ? change it/ save it ?

spec ? change it/ save it ?

shall straighten out this entangled ropes real soon.

------------:

wah lao eh! 真的是自找麻烦...

: yawnzzz

movie early in the morning! thanks to PEG!!!!! ohhhhh goshhh ! alright it's worth to watch, Toy Story 3.

gym, accidently pull rear deltoid muscle. not really severe , just some ache which using that particular part.

for 2 meals i had pasta !=) loves pasta, though it burn quite a big hole there =( ohhh welll once a blue moon. and 1 x big tub ice creams for her bd =)

thanks PYK for driving us around !! =)

i suppose i made the right choice by returning the sglet back to u :), after u returned it to me. Well i suppose u like the design very much, for you to wear it at ur bd celebration night (though i am quite surprise to see tat).

last task completed, final stop to e story. all the best ya? :)

nxt worry is jobs, which one ?

-------- ' ------------

: disappointment

alright, dozing off while standing. gosh!! this is sooo bad ! bad habit of mine... sigh.

ne2. what to say? i am somehow or rather disappoint with my own performance, 1 x anticiapation mistake during rehers, 1 x mag negligence b4 trg.

---- " -----

idk shld i be happy or worry.

another job offer from my previous faci, but as a research assistant and period of 9 mths. sigh, i would very like to take up this offer. but on another hand i want to go and see the outside world.

hao fan hao fan...

---- " -----

: cloudy blue

---- " ----

RAIN RAIN RAIN !
ohhhh goshhhh
i dislike riding in the rain ...
it just sooo troublesome ..

gosh, another job offer, this time is by gary asking me to consider of becoming a OSG staff. sorry to disappoint u, i suppose my answer is more prolly no ba, unless certain things change my mindset.

---- " ----

just when i thought the pain is gone. certain thing happened, adding on and reminds me, what's pain.

when things are given out, it mean that the one receiving it is the owner, there's no need to return back.

there's a different between lending and giving.

just like when feelings are given out, return is not needed back.

not being couple anymore doesnt mean things need to be return back to one another ,if you are not using it anymore then keep it for memory sake instead :) *laugh* if certain things reminds you 'nightmare' then by all means discard it ba . haha

i suppose it's better to keep certain things in the dark. because, by knowing more, it will only give you more unecessary thoughts, which i wldn want that to happen.

Enjoy ur bd celebration ya ?! =) Happy Birthday!

-------- " -------------

: sigh

so where am i suppose to start ?

alright job applications..

shall look and send 2nd wave applications tmr. hahha kiasu eh (well i just dont wanna waste time rotting around after ord)? hopefully can hear some news from them soon.

went back AHCC to relieve classes, ohh welll even uncle patrick was telling me to become a full timer there. gosh, if i am schooling then should be ok, but well i need the experiences in the relevant field so that i can progress further in what i want to achieve in the future. sorry about that this isnt what i want to achieve in life, though small part of it can be fulfill there :( thanks ava and sli for not forgetting me like after 1yrs gg to 2yrs(for sli) and 3 yrs (for ava)? =)


BOOOKED MY TP ALDY ! 21st SEP , 915am =) com mon ! bring it on ! hahahha

__-__-__"
warning: what's gg to be written down next might cause uneasy feelings to some, for those who are allergic to emo, kindly refrain urself for reading it. -

Life's unfair,
life's always tough for some, whereas for some it's always smooth.

I really hope that this good friend of mine will be alright, and life for her will be better in the future(hopefully from tmr onwards!). 'Dont let those setbacks in life break you down! instead you break them down ya?' When i look at her situations, i saw the reflection of me, family, finacially, studies, work attitude... life is just so sucky and unfair. i mean why?

alright look on the other side, things arent that bad afterall.

i suppose it's like, you have this, but you wouldnt have that kinda rule/balance equation.

Sigh, war at home agn -_-"' so sick and tired of it.

if only all of us have a choice right from birth .. .. if only all of us have pior knowledge of our own future .. but then again who would .....

that's life. :(

-----" ---------

: -

goshhh finally 1 call out of so many applications(like 7?) sent ! but suay enuff that at the point of time that person call i was in the parade square! -_-"' lucky i manage to get back.. hahaha

gosh ! everything in my mind now is quick call meeee for INTERVIEW INTERVIEW INTERVIEW !! i need the interview experiences! Hope that i can get the job i want to. Though i understand that i only sent them out like 3 to 4 days ago, they might need sometime to process, but still 'quickkkk ! call me !!! hahahahha'

well that's me, dislike to be left hanging in the air.

watch predator after rehers, show rating: hmm 6.5/10 ba .

at certain images, certian slient moment ... mind wanders .. *knock! wake up*

------ adios. another fulfilling day tmr.

: OO"'

alright i suppose

Started the day with driving lesson in my damn sleepy mode where mistakes were all over the place. was like OMG ! WTH am i doing ??!

next next i realised i always late or didn follow the timing i set for myself. e.g.
I will always set 2 time to go out. e.g. got class at 3pm, travel time: 1hr15mins, buffer time: 30mins, go get unimportant stuffs + lepa(relax): 1hr. soooo by right i shld be leaving hse at like 1215?? then agn i always fall back to the die die then go timing which is like 130pm ??!! hooollyyy fishhHHh ! which means the 'unimportant' tasking will always be left undone .. :( sighhhh

up next ... something which happppeennn outt of the blue !!
as usual, seeing those ppl who is conducting survey, I will always SIAM ! but then again if they manage to approach me in time, i will give them that little 'time' if i am not in a rush.

Who knows, after SIAMMing sooo many, there was one who appear out of no where! then i told her 'sorry miss, i am in a rush' (which i really in the rush). well then the pretty lady (wahh really quite! damn wasted !jkjk) 'i just need that few sec' (as if she knew that was gg to come out of my mouth beforehand)... well then she said 'we are looking male models, would like to ask if you are interested, i know you are in a hurry, here's my namecard, take your time to consider' and welll i was like O_O"'' thinking ' siao ! i think your eyes got stamps on sioh!' me sooo skinny .... dot .. dot are you guys in need of skinny models ?? if you guys in need of skinny models then i dont mind trying ! wahhahaha lol jkjk

relieve class, wtfish chapalan class, all mixed level, i was like 'HOW TO TEACH and TEST ??!!' 3 to 4 diff level leh ... -_-"' sigh sigh. oh welll wat to dooo, lucky it's not a perm class to me, if not i will sure kpkb, mixed lvl, we hard to teacch, they will also progress very slowly de dey, esp those higher lvl. not compeitive trg leh dey ... and then in the class one 'hyperactive' kid, reminds me of one student which i used to teach 2 yrs back ...

fly fly , I hope to fly . I mean able to fly further ...

there was once this swimmer friend of mine told me:
'breaststoke is easy to learn but hard to master','butterfly on the other hand is hard to learn but easy to master' goshhh how true !

had a hilarous evening at marv hse ! hahahhaha

--- " ---

: :)


one united people - sun yan zi.

this song was the song that give me the 'up' feeling! whenever i heard it i energy level = x10. Also remind me happy moments that have happened back in 2003, the feeling of standing in the National Stadium. It hold so much memories in me. e patrotic feelings, e hardcore gang and e short love story.

same here at padang, whenever upon hearing it, i know i will make it well. 7 years ltr i am back standing on the ground, but with different excution, different uniform and different standard demand. To some it might be a burden, but to me it means more then just pride and honour. When u think it's for the country, then every sacrifices is worthwhile. Thanks for granting my last wishes i have in NS. :)

simply in loves with NDP songs !

-------- "

nice dining out with all my siblings thou i didn really like the food! 2 bikes, 4 peep, just nice ! hahaha

that's family day ! hahaha nxt week shall go lao sim (grandaunt) hse and eat with her !!! she 's the next closest kin to me (even when compared to my grand parents) welll complicated family history over here. hahaha

-------- "

: -

retard ! i am a fisking retard ! gosh what a mistake to made ! sigh ! dont even feel like talking about it. If only i am less lazy and pass to them on the earlier days.

thou right from the start, i knew things were impossible. still i nv regret on follow certain feelings and making my choice. At least i learn and experience certain things/feelings i never had before. :)

------- ' -------

: purple wind

sigh, total disappointment

Sick ? Flu? (you looks perfectly fine !) but the point is you didn try at all, and that's disappointing, when even the most tire/unfit guy is slow jogging, when even some having stitch is running, the point is at least they jog. you used to be one of the better ones in my eyes, but you have prove me otherwise situation after situations. And you let G shift team down ..

I can be your friend outside but pls I am not ur friend during trg, i have certain objective to achieve for everyone, and it's for everyone's good.

fisking WRONG and SELFISH MENTALITY ! gosh !

it's suppose to be my off day, i am doing u guys a favour, everyones knows, but some wldn. kns.
-----" ------

alright 1 x rabbit pass away. i suppose it's time, when one turn old then frail what left after is death.

-----" -----

: -

another day, passes like tat...

really glad that i have u guys around me in my army life, e specs cohort KW, Charlie, WY, Eug Seah, Kodi, Gerry, Ian, Pooh Wei, Fei Bian Gou, WJ ... ...

e men cohort : other day ba haha

Soon ya, time files, and it's my turn . :)

Thanks KW for the guide to wheellock by bike. hahaha though u kanna parking summon partly becos of me. oh weelll agree to split the summon cost liao sooo don kpkb le uh ! hahahhaa

oh well, news from kw that 1 guy at about same age as us got into a bike accident, in m'sia, currently brain dead. sigh . and apparently is all becos of a pothole, gosh! life , is both pre-destinated yet it is in ur own hands. there were soo many if if if, then it wldn happen. but then again that's life. i suppose i am really lucky, after so many times of 'almost'.

tml will be a better day. slowly bits by pieces stitch it up.

--- --- --- --- "

: -


goshhh new medic drawing my blood ! and ya, u can see my blood oozing out instead of flowing into the tube. anyway, he gonna start with someone to gain xperiences, and well the someone is me .... -_-"'

-------

it's over , better for u i suppose. do smile more often, or rather more happy after all this 'burdens' have left u, though i didn know why it was a 'burden' to u. i see the points, i felt it too. there's a need for this full-stop, no point having commas when the continuation is always -ve. i suppose this is the best ending for u and me.

will take sometimes to heal, really glad that at least the one injured isnt u :)

thanks for the :) memories.

and mr cupid, thanks for the lesson, though its a impactful one.

but surely, i have learn to see things other way.

the last task shall carry on thou. the last thing i am contributing :)

------- " ----------

: idk

i do this parade for the country,
i do this parade for the contingent,
i do this parade for setting a example,
i do this parade for the audiences,
i do this parade for people who put in alot of efforts behind (rsm s, helpers, everyone),

for all this reasons, i will do it well. it not just for me myself and i anymore.

i know my presence doesnt really matter, haha but if it does and i am unable to attend ur bd, i am sorry but still will try my best. hopefully situations permits.

not a usual sunday,
- gym with ah ben (was gossiping about a friend who got a gf in just 2DAYS ! (from stranger to GF in JUST 2 DAYS !) LOL
- watch ip man ( legend is born) w ah ben, lose a bet over a small popcorn ! the movie is worth watching ! (Y)
- BB with ah ben, hua hong and friend (gosh legs is aching )

felt extreme tired ytd, just knock out w/o turning off the lappy.
today am, cant even carry weights that i usually carry :(
knock out immediately agn in the evening upon i reach home.
goshhh extreme fatigue. needa buck up for that.

shifted all my focus on other things it works, though at times thoughts are still on u...

sometimes, we masked so that ppl will think we are ok, but also as u masked urself u might just forgot the initial feelings u had. u nv know how ur feelings affect others around you. so by smiling, they might feel better if they are troubled and you wouldn spoil certain amosphere that situations created.

'iwishihavemoregutstosay' = i hope to know wat is running through ur mind . just say it, no harm afterall. but idk anything, so i cant really help afterall. one of the worse thing have happened, so if it's regarding me, then u sldn be pondering whether sld u say or not say, because nth else could be worse i suppose. goshhh why am i thinking -vely agn (cant be helped)... though very much i hope that something +ve will happen btw us.

think about it, it's not that matters afterall.so learn to take easy ya! you shld be focusing on some other stuffs!

----------- " 2307040710

03jul. Sat. -


- 1x baby sitting at my immediate front caught my attention.
- a little boy say 'hi' to me with a smile on the bridge. :)
- no mistakes :)

-----

we can forgive but not forget.

that's why the pain is always there somewhere, so whenever you see somethings that reminds you of it, you will feel it.

ur day, my pain.

-----

i wonder why shld i bother about those people's feelings and situations, when they dont even try to understand mine ?

hmmm

that's y,
think simple, nth bother you, but you will be a fool when times come
think complicated, everythings trouble you, but you will see a clearer picture in life.

-----

it wldn be right for me to give up when you havent.

a) feeling still exist
b) never really got started although statues says so
c) our story is still stuck at the introduction part.

soo i will still goes along with you if you want to give it a try.

you wan it, i initiate it.. then things started
so when u don wan it, pls tell me, then i will initate it.. then things will ends.

sometimes i have doubts in ur words, as they were nv put into actions.

------

extracted from some song.
你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输

-----

: breezy wind

am : some irresponsible guy did not turn out for laundry collection, off his phone, play MIA ! how can i trust such a person like this again ? >:(

am: rot rot rot + eat eat eat

pm: clean bike? but it's raining cats and dogs outside :(

---------

some stuffs/ reality

idk why, but certainly our friendship turn sour becos of this, certainly there's some misunderstanding involve. oh well that's life, though its avoidable, but it's requires lots of efforts and talkings. who's right ? who's wrong ? well no point pointing fingers when this is 'destinated'.

joining g shift (parades) certainly has cost me alot of sacrifics (more responsiblities, back on off days, more taskings, ord later, no beach trg, cant att certain things) but oh well no regrets though, it's worthwhile, cos it's for my country.

like what stated '没有国，就没有家'

everytime alone = reflection time, yup i dont blame anyone for anything, i suppose there's a reason why i am being put through all these. you need more time, you need to know what you exactly want, you need to know the answers within urself, you need to understand urself more then things will be better for u urself.

' what do you want in a r/s? '

i am sure alot people when posed with this question, they will be lost. :)

like i said , you were never a burden to me.

'it just tat i need the experiences to handle things appropraitely'

i nv tot of encountering this (all this emotionals and situations), but well learn from it ..:)