19may. Wed. red clouds

gosh. seriously i got no idea how to handle them for being rude, no-manners and now even making decision without asking ? alright i am not refering to all, it's always the same few. alright i suppose i failed to perform my secondary role well ? issit gen gap? (but they are the same age of mine) or issit that things differ as the batches diff ?

I seriously hate the feeling of being stuck in-between. c gives probs, a 'sqeeze' b agn, then b 'suck it up', then 'squeeze' the minimal of c. nv wants to take disciplinary actions on them, or rather believes that things shouldn be working that way. that's life, somehow being 'nice' to others means being 'mean' to urself.

shall figure out some ways to make things better. every problem given is a chance to learn and improve ya ?

and yes, i dislike this organisation by itself, after knowing more things. well guess my mates were right for saying me simple minded, after 'detach' from 'their side' and bother about things on my side.

alright, enough whining. yawns.

whining are good way to de-stress, i suppose.

after u whine, u left ur feelings here and carry on.

alright i just forgot what i was thinking a few moment ago in spilt sec. yawns aging, aging.

---- " ---- 19may2156hrs

17may. mon. na.

haha well well, it's just another cupid's prank's prank.

let's face it, if that's the fact then get over it ya ?pls dont feel bad or whatsoever and really really pls don bother or think about it anymore, since it has become the past. it will be better for you and me then =)

everyone make mistakes rite? u and i do make mistakes too. at least you have told me the situation before more complications comes in. =)

no worries, be happy, everything will be alright. smile =D

that's life, my destiny.

---- " ----

16may. sun. purple cloud

-----

it's just another cupid's prank i suppose? or that's life ?

Alright, i know what i should do, since i have opened the door and put my foot in the quicksand ...

*sigh* if only things were much simpler. but oh well nvm, cupid's prank, ll just do my best for all the ships.


.leaves.

here are some nonsense thoughts of mine while sitting on the train.

there was a myth saying that under this particular tree, if it's fallen leaf(brown) falls onto you, your wish will come true. if it's green then no.

upon knowing this, this guy decided to give it a try.

he stood under a tree, waiting for a fallen leaf to fall on him...

after 3 hrs of waiting,

he thought *there's not enough wind today, shall try again tomorrow*.

Then the moment he took a step off the spot he was standing, a gush of wind came and a piece of leave fall on the particular spot,

he sighed, 'nevermind, shall wait longer tomorrow'.

- 2nd day

same thing took a chair and sat under the tree.

it was a windy day, so he thought *more wind more leave more luck! just like the ad ' more birds more luck'*

after 5 hours of waiting

true enough, there were leaves falling but out of all only 2 (green) fall on him.

*i shall wait abit longer.* he told himself.

there the sun set, he gave up and left.

- 3rd day

he reached before sunrise, hoping that with a longer period of waiting time will increase his chances.

wind blow, leaves fall, brown leaves didnt fall onto him.

then a passerby came, the wind blew and brown leaf landed on her shoulder.

with his silly thought, he said 'today shall be the day ! since she got it !'

but he didnt got it.

- 4th day

same time, same place

being ignorance, he thought logically 'should i shift location ? but since this location havent had any fallen brown leave, this location should have higher probability then others.'

he was determined and remain at the same place.

- 3 months later

some passerby got it, some didnt.

he asked the tree 'mr tree, after 3 months of waiting why didnt any ur brown leaves fall onto me ?'

then the tree said 'because according to physic and newton laws, with wind +- 123 and leaves on location xy it will land on here and there ... only when wind +4 on direction a, b or c then it will land on ur location, but then now only a is brown sooo 1 of soooo many ... blah blah blah .'

being tired and angry. he stood up and walk away, then just right at that moment a brown leaf fall onto him... 'finally...' he smiled and understood.

--- " --- 16may0045hrs.

14may. fri. purple cloud

few moment ago, somemore said, 'more sai, more zai' which i agree, but then sometimes in the world of 'darkness'/ reality, it is 'more act, more 'zai' '.

few days ago, someone said 'i wish could be like bob .... .... simple minded .... ... '

few years ago, one of my working senior said, 'welcome to the world of complexity =)'

but still, i ll still stick to what i believes and adhere to.

--- " ---

there are soo many questions and what if s...

but oh well, why think so much ? sld thinking simple be the way ?

*'forget about those remarks, u are great yourself, just be yourself' - the team thinks so too, i suppose majority of the team are with U! so =)"

13may. thu. idk .

glad some of them knows the limit =) though there were still some minority demanding for more.

almost boarded the wrong bus , little did i realise the signage of the bus no. have swapped place until another bus arrived .gosh! what have gotten into my mind.

hmm, wonders.

feels like keeping quiet.

--- 2341hrs1305

10may. mon. purple cloud.

it's just how amazing things could happen when paths met.

rain = take bus = go makan at coffee shop = met my primary sch buddy's mum

just when u look back, u realise how fast time files.

----"----

On the train, I think and ponder, 1st, 2nd, 3rd ...

ta boleh tahan liao, shall lay some of my private thoughts out here.

true or false ?

if it's really really true then what am i suppose to do ? step forward ? backward? stand still? i have decided on a decision myself, but oh well...

alright i am getting too comfortable with this person. but ...

if it's true then it will somehow or rather that it's similar to 1st and 3rd, but in different aspects i suppose. the people, the situations, the solution/ decision.

tried to find the most suitable solution, may it be selfish ones, better ones but still things somehow or rather yi bei ju shou chang. the truth is - there is no perfect solution to it.

the truth is, if it's true then i am not as good as what u think, there's too many flaws in me.

why others lead a simple life, not getting into these messy situations while some will always encounter such complicated situations. how i wish things could be simpler.

mr fortune teller, tell me my fortune will u?
mr counselor, tell me the most appropriate solution will u?
mr consequence, tell me the consequence of all possible steps will u?

ooooh well... L policy.. troublesome as always.

--- " ---

everyone have weakness, for me, being indecisive and unconfident are always the biggest 2. and .... STM where things are always forgotten..

well here i am confuse too. tell me true or false .

well well, thats life.

well well well good night. CS in few hrs time ..

--- " --- 11may0058hrs

09may. sun. windy blue

----"-----

finally ! i can smell it !! 91 days more to go ! hahha free from the liability ! 3 mths !

i woke up with a feeling that 'alright, another rejection this year' such a strong feeling... ok anyway i shldn look forward in the slimmmm chance of getting in.

alright i suppose i shall put this aside and look over to other alternative which will serve the similar purpose i want to achieve in life.

there come to the same dilemma , $$ vs interest, goverment sector (hospital, para medic) or private sector (drug processing)... well well 3 mths

i suppose i not giving up yet, shall try 1 more time, so shall work for 1 year first then see how. dead stubborn uh ? hahha

---

looking out at those vegetation and sky, it just makes me wonder my 'aspect' as a good leader.

though it's like model answer, but oh well ...
- lead by example
- fight for the well being or unfair treatment
- giving clear direction and instruction
- earn trust and respect in them

yup gonna change. more firm.
---"---

my mother day's gift = packing kitchen =x hahhaha

gosh! on batt, and it's gg low ! adios

there's so much i want to type it out but well, i forgot due to STM =x

------ 10may0021hrs

06may. thu. still wind

---

likes barber/hairdresser who are meticulous about your hair .

this was the second shop that i patronise with the hair dresser being so particular about the minor detail of ur hair. Well it's just hair, why bother to be so particular about it? i suppose it's the hair dresser, well well it's the efforts that count. =)

---

1 x update + 1 x 'un- inform' info ... = changes needed = working outside office hrs = =(

it's isnt that i am petty about doing work at home, but these things could have been avoided, by having information passed down properly. that last min update is understandable but but but the 'un-inform' info could have 'kill' ppl tmr ...

no ones like last min changes, i suppose. look on the good side will be at least i know it just now (7pm) than tmr morning (which will be really wtfish!).

actually things wldn be soo troublesome if we just follow the 'format', keep using those who are more hardworking, but it all come down to the consideration of practicality, fairness and welfare. well well well, it might not be the best but still at least it's better .

some old thoughts strike me again: ' same pa*, same ran*, why do some have to do more?'

well well, that's life i suppose. haiz just 'do more, learn more' ...

--- 2309hrs06052010

3may. mon. -

---"---

someone told me this. i find it interesting.
not exactly the same as told, as i forgot here and there due to STM ..

x: is this the right one?
cupid: yes! this is the right one!
x: -_-''', but u also said the same thing when i asked u about previous one! (when it turn out not to be the right one)
cupid:well it's the right one, but i didnt said that there wouldnt be another one =x
x: .... ... then will there be another RIGHT one ?????!!
cupid: well that will be a SURPRISE =D
cupid thoughts: well u will have experience through all this right one inorder to meet the RIGHT one ...

--- " ---

there isnt a fullproof solutions to some of the problems, somethings have to be compromised in order to achieve certain things, u just cant achieve everything. tat's life ..

--- " ---

at this point onward, some part of the history will repeat itself while some will not.

little did i realised i have just fallen into a pit unknowingly while walking through this stretch of road. ... that's life ...

3 = (-2 -1) = (x3, 2.1 =?)

-- " -- 0014hrs040510 adios

26apr. mon. cloudy purple

--"--

distanced from my fellow camp buddies,
cause we are on a different route,
and now we are doing differnt scope of duties, i suppose ...

my indecisiveness drag others down,
some of my decisions got others into trouble,
i thought things would be better if i could just follow what i believes. but that wldn work in reality.

how great things will be if everything i can just settle alone,
where no ones will be affected,
where there's only one to blame.

--"--

tell me sld i or sld i not ..

.i need to speak to 3 person dot. wu^ .

---"---2357hrs2604

'when paths met, choices set, that's life.'

22apr. thu. still wind

happy / anger

mixed emotions

Handles different people everyday, some were friendly, while some were rude. well well that's life.

unhappy about things happening around. apple vs pear, oranges vs peach, they can never be compare on par, it will never be fair. it's always that minority (or sld i say there's only 1, idk). Just here to do the things which i believes is right.

it will be good to have a pat on my shoulder with a smile saying, 'thank you very much'.

---"---
.Genuine Smile.

A smile a day keep the dark away,

It's a simple facial expression which indicates,
the sign of gratitude,
the sign of appreciation,
and the sign of recognition.

it's a communicate of feeling which is,
a display of happiness,
a display of contentment,
a display of amusement.

a smile should never be underestimate as,
a smile of one inspires others smile,
a smile of one brighten up others day,
a smile of one bond one another closer together.

If's isnt that bad afterall with smiles around =D.

---- ~ ---- 23apr0019hrs

21apr. wed. red cloud

admins, welfares/ rights(top n bottom considerations), sai gangs (some doesnt within my scoop), politics (which i have been avoiding everywhere) ... everythings makes me troubled and this is just the start to the last stretch of my journey in ...

Just take it as a learning experiences. the more u see, the more u know, the more u handle, the more u'll be better.

when there's peace people makes trouble, when there's chaos then people learn to appreciate peace. *sighs*

'cant u just stop stepping in and making unecessary noises?' u guys are ok now, so why not let's just have 'peacetime' tgt, instead having people disliking u ?

--- ~ --- 21apr2253hrs

19apr. mon. purple clouds.

Sort of like this phase.

'But you WILL know,
you will feel it within your heart;
you will feel it within your soul;
you will feel it within every fibre of your Being when the steps that you take are leading you in the direction that is right for you at that time.'

- http://www.innerlightworkers.co.uk/archangels/azrael.htm

wants to know more about 'archangel azrael' - angel of death.

wants to improve on his swimming =(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|20apr0014hrs

18apr. sun. purple clouds

-final pin of hope is gg to be dash in 2 mths time. well by 'betting' on something which is 90% not feasible, disappointment should be expected. oh well at least i tried for a possible miricle to happen. Time to resign to destiny. Some path are just meant to be choosen. Looking at all my fellow dbio mates choosen busniness studies over science, it makes me wonder ... ... it's just like leading a life for others / self in my point.

-both fun and emo night for ytd. just when other pouring out their pain and sorrow, I just cant find the reason to why there were some leading a sorrowful life, while some leading a smooth without much obstacles life.

- hope history dont repeat itself. i got no idea what's best to handle such situation.

--- : 18apr1158hrs

16apr. sat. cloudy grey

- just 4x spoonful of spoiled cake = 5x visiting toilet more tmr ? hope not.
- sometimes i wonder am i fighting for the right thing. fairness for them. i am so afraid that i fight for the wrong thing. But still we are the one who have to fight for their rights, if we dont then who will?
- stone, stone, stone. i hope history will not repeat itself.
- it's have been a very long time ever since i experience the blood gushing around my face feeling. shows that i am working hard enough hahaha
- I cant find an appropriate reason to go for still water trg without my kakis.
- still can feel the twitching pain ard left ankle since mar from drill boots, but it's improving.

- - -
time to rest. take a break.

17apr0017hrs.

14apr. wed. breezy blue

rush rush rush, fight fight fight, ... to complete things, to get fairness, to attain mutual agreement... somehow or rather ... got so tired ...

almost BANG ! not once but twice on the road, both due to driver changing lanes abruptly. 1 x lorry + 1 x car .. one in the morning, one in the evening ..

sort of feeling more relieved today. lighter burden =)

like the feelings of swimming today. the water + chlorine + feel.
--- " ---

12apr. mon. purple culumbus clouds

As what i foresee previously, this week is gg to be a super !@#$% =( week... today is just the start of it ... and signs are appearing... haiz ... the picture shall be my spokeperson on how i exactly felt this afternoon. My mistakes for making wrong decisions as informations didnt pass down at all. not once, but ..... Take it as an experiences, as a lesson then i will know how to handle it in the future.



the responsibilities/duties are surely something that's heavy. I took it up, suck them up but still more are coming. some are even totally unrelated to me. oh well that's life. everyone only know what they saw/heard, everyone only knows bits and pieces of it.

this sunday = boring ! need to find self entertainment, as most(actually only 3 or mayb more?) of my khakis will be at oversea, germany, china some donno where donnoe where ... so next 2 weekks = BORING.

who shall i turn to ? Seriously not feeling emotionally well today . hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

think +ve ... it will be over sooonnn
---- : ----

I almost forget my eldest bro bd is TMR! when it's stated on my calendar -_-"' .

Thanks Uncle Dad for things he gave, really appreciate, shall repay bits by bits when i start working. just when i am feeling __,he rang me and just so happen that i was just walking home near his car.

--- : ---

that's all folk ..

11apr. sun. still wind

sit down,(uncle board) stand up, (2 - 3 seats avalible) sit down agn, (aunty board) stand up, (almost empty cabin) haiya don sit liao la! hahaha (that's what happened on the train today... sometimes how i wish i can ignore their presence as i am not on a 'priority seats' =x )

gym w mr WH, omg weight still the same . sianzation.

forgot what i want to wrote initially ... so shall start my nonsense.

---" ---
dim. feelings as string of integers
dim sad as 1, emo as 2, smile as 3, happy as 4
dim sequence in note

note:

2 not equal 1
1 equal 2

3 not = 4
4 = 3

2,4 might be due to work or bonds or personal

conclusion = mixed

end.comment

--- " ---
L policy (nonsense)

L is a good policy,
it gave one strength,confident, smiles and comfort

L is a bad policy,
it gave one tears, worries , anger and sad

Still whether is it good or bad, it's up to the one who handle it and sees it.

*only get the policy when things are appropriate and chemistry are right. so it's best not to get it when one is not ready.

more nonsense ...here's a 'curse' or love web, which have been happening around us and evloving around us since our(human) era ? that's why true love exist only 1 in a 1000. lol jkjk



--- " ---

enuff of nonsense and de stressing...

sometimes i just like to do things purely base on feeling, without any logical reasoning...

---- ' ----

adios

10apr. sat. still wind

Soo starting ... from the morning rite from 6am where i drag myself soooo hard out of my bed, and finally after 20mins of determination ... i got out of it. realising that things i thot suppose to be there isnt there !! hopping around to find it... thanks mum who kept it ...

'sometimes i just wonder, why my mum do so much for me when i didnt even do alot for her .... '

wanted to join in the jogging session, but well unable to do so still, by the time i reach it was like 850am .... toooo late .. this suppose to be my last beach trg for the next few months, AND IT RAINS LIKE CAT AND DOG !!! alright the worst is yet to come, just as the rain subsided we start surfing and I am sooooo lucky enough to get my first ever stung by jellyfish , 2xcombo somemore .. (strips on the left arm + swelling at the right middle finger) !! the starting feelings is like 10x seabug bites on the area, the stingy stingy kind. then itch itch ... then another NUS guy got stung too, well only 2 of us out of like sooo many ppl. anyway it got so much better now, thanks to the lifeguard on duty for the spray.

chervon ... unable to get the brown vests for mr bear! total sianness...

--- ' ---

total sianness, been thinking too much things that might happen, if certain things took place. well certainly just hope for the better.

fate or destiny, somethings are just meant to happen, with that certain people at the particular area....

6th sense

09apr. fri. sunny orange =)

decided to take train instead of biking to NDC, purely on feeling. 6th sense i suppose hahah. anyway who wld guess that just 2 hrs after the bright sunny weather, it's heavy rain with CAT 1 ?? well tthat's what exactly happen just when i step right out of the dental centre . i was like *phew* didn ride

thanks ms dentist for her forgiveness in me being overslept for a appt and giving me another appt date so near.
dentist: hi, experience any pain ??
m: no .
dentist: ytd morning unable to make it for the dental appt last min uh ? (jovial tone*)
m: (OMG ! soo ps la !) sooo sorry about it ... i ... =x
dentist: (laugh*)

---

reasons for choosing public transport over bike.
1) shelter!!
2) less probability of getting into accident.
3) can plug in ear piece and listen to music
4) can emo ! and think about stuffs (if ride and think = bang !)
5) can see people, yup how people does things (those interesting stuffs that happen around), see chio bus also =x

well,having a personal transport still weight more benefits then public transport i suppose.

reasons on how ppl decide on their career.
- take on whatever it's come
- the material ($$) return / propect
- for the bigger picture (PURPOSE) in life (eg. helping more people around , benefitting the society, becoming the world richest man, saving the environment, catching all bandits in the world...)
- for personal interest (just like to do this and that)
- etc

welll for me ? i suppose i have decided on the 3rd one . so things i choose will be highly based on my purpose in life . once i told someone about my dream, and he laughed at it saying 'model answer eh ? haha things like that wldn be happening in the reall life society...' well i shall prove to u that it's achievable .

--- " ---

I wonder how many strangers do we have eyes contact with ...
well i have 2 today ! hahah 1 from a ms who glaze at me (i tot something wrong with my appearance, alien !! ) and another from a baby (well i made a cheeky face in return =x!!) hahahha what about u ?

bus ride = ear plugs on + emoing time = good time for reflections

- camps ( how am i able to make better decisions at times ? which will both benefit people around me and also the 'mission' itself ? ) i suppose at times i wldn able to call for the most logical and practical decision. =(

- r/s (mostly about the past. welll thinking back, those things which i have done to salvage it was so dumb and unecessary haha i sld have take things more lightly)

- friends/ teammates 1)( i realise how bonds actually make seperation unbearably painful or 'how i wish' feeling. yup certainly i know, becos of those bonds i form with them, i gonna miss them real much when time comes to part.) that's the reason why i don like to form strong bonds with people in the past.... cos at the end of the day, parting is just another part and parcel in life. but still we will leave behind those colourful memories.. 2)thanks them for accepting my weakness (well we are all of different caliber(though i have upgraded from sampan to bumper boat, u guys are still torpedoes hahah). i know it well myself, v still they didn laugh at it or whatsoever, they accepted me as a friend, a teammate though we are of different caliber and i alway tend to pull u guys down in still water events.=( thanks guys.

--- ' ---
i have a good friend unhappy.

'no matter how dark the clouds is, it will still be gone one day.'

hope things will work out better and favourable on his/her side =) n e 2kg jia you !

08apr. thu. breezy blue

LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.

- 05, 06, RPLS chalet, get to know more about the juniors, some unhappiness happening around, still we are entertaining ourself when everything's over =) v soon in the near future, wldn be able to see them that much often or rather once in a bluemoon ?? with g trg coming up on all sats, i suppose i wldn be gg down for sat beach trg after this sat, till maybe like i ORD ? haha. the miss the sand, board, sun, sea, my teammates my friends.

- ytd was the 2nd time, higher content, higher effect but less destructive aftermath. great day with shuan, SL and sue. nv want to unleash the other side of me again. Anyway, once i see u as my good friend, you will be one alway =)

- forgot about dental appt in the morning ! damn shitty feeling, thanks them for being so forgiving and change it to tmr.

- ring ring ring, beep beep beep, sooo many text and phone calls from work =( haiz, what's this ?? i am on leave ... and still unable to get away from my task and responsiblity temporary. and well more things to face, more situation to handle next week.Why am i the person keep getting blame for other's troubles, decisions, confusion. tired la !! i need a break from all these.

the top just don understand how complicate things work at the bottom, and the bottom just dont know how to appreciated what they have currently but just keep asking for more.

I tried telling myself, just take it as a experiences in handling people from both the higher up and lower end, but still this ideas just died off easily. Ok at least now every bits and pieces of confusion have been cleared with everything settled down.


'just take it as a learning experience for the future.'

getting more distanced from campmates, changing roles, different duties and responsibilities.

--- " ---

tried looking on the bright side. but things wasnt really gg well on my side ...

all i hope now is to receive a acceptance letter and have my future decide.

I want to go back to the past where by i am able to do things alone without the help of others. all by myself. but that wldn happen i suppose.

can someone tell me my mistakes ? my weakness ? remind me of things I should keep it up ?? haiz

am wasting my time, not spending it effectively but rotting it away.

01apr10. thu. breezy

Finally lonng rest after so long. 1 major event down, left with 2 more parade to go ! never regret choosing this path. No matter how tough life, going to be, i am sure i will make it, cause this is what I hope to achieve.

Anyway make a major mistake/accident during the event itself, while recovering from salutation, scope stuck to right pocket, unable to remedy it, follow by inspection. lucky enough they didnt stop infront of me, if not whole eyes from the spectator stand will be on me. phew ...

alright learn from mistake, next time have to get use to excecuting this drill more 'out' and precise then this will have very low chance of happening.

wants to go k-box !! sian ...

back to rotting ...

---

dim. gain weight

regular gyming/ exerising = gain weights

no workout = lose weight.

no eat / eat too much = not much significant changes in weight.

therefore . workout regularly !

--- " ---

31mar10. wed. Cloudy

It's the 'D-day' tomorrow. Somehow or rather i have lose confident in performing up to expectations. Afraid something will cork up, afraid that i didnt do things perfectly, afraid that no ones correct/ advise me on my mistakes. A weird person, isn't it ? haiz the feeling that some mistake will be make tmr, like what happen in the past.

It's rather hard to mange a large group of people (>40). Seriously lack of rest for the past 3 days, sleeping late(1+), waking up early (5+). Sort of worn out by the routine and those responsibilities given.

dim. body equation.

no sun + stationary standing = cold stingy feelings.

no sun + stomachache + stationary standing = numb, pale feeling

tolerance level to equation = 20mins to 1hrs

--- tested and proven ---

'Exceed, Endure, Excel' -- 3E that suddenly struck my mind.

------"-------

30mar10. tues. cloudy

Alright finally sometimes for myself to spend time alone after 2 days of hectic duties and responsibilities. Saw the ugly and greedy side of them, for the sake of the shirt and laziness sigh*. Probably it's due to my way in handling them ? Too friendly and nice i suppose.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WEN JUN! =D

Heard from some guys regarding some questions asked by certain person. How i hope there will be a situation or opportunity for me to tell this person straight in his face that ' CANT YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSNINESS AND STOP INTERFERING THINGS GIVING EVERYONE A MORE TROUBLED LIFE?? AND STOP BEING SO PARANOID ABOUT US BEING PULL OUT!"
You have no right to judge our training siong anot. cos you wasnt there.
You have no right to say that we were given too much previlleges, cos you wasnt the one who decide what we deserve. (moreover we havent receive any of our previlleges till now and our previlleges are given by those people who saw our hard work and sweats. )
SO STOP COMPARING ! THIS ISNT UR 1 MAN UNIT/ ORGANISATION! You are the one who deprived your people from privilleges, then dont use the way you handle your guys as compare to the way others do.

angry, where i shouldnt.

------- "

swt nostalgic feelings

26-28mar. fri sat sun. Breezy

sweet nostalgic feelings. some actions that happened coincidentally makes me thought about things of the past. I suppose it's just another unecessary thoughts and feelings.

settle camp stuffs till 26th 1400hrs . phuture.zouk w rendall, JG, beatrice, zhen wei, wei sheng, peiying, may.... .... . am : sentosa beach trg, intense land trg =x . pm: diary of a wimpy kid movie finally a 13 hrs slp from 8pm-9am shiok shiok after like not having a proper rest in 28hrs ?!! hahahah sooo is this call maximizing the time outside ?? LOL doubt so uh ! anyway gym session w marv and hh , extreme core trg, not that extreme la but it's alll about abs and back. =)

the period after tired + emo = retarded actions and words =x well LS guys shld know hahaha

Looks can cover with make-up, physical appearance can be elimate with determination (exerise... ), but character don't change easily.

-------
siam !

25mar2010. thu. Breezy

lots of things happened the day before, but lucky that it didnt result to impactful consequences.

Undergoing situation together makes one understand others more. Good thing ? I suppose it's both pros and cons. Sometimes situation makes us change perception on others. Better or uglier ? U decide .

Next week, the most compacted and busy week. where parade practise and gatherings comes in.

---_---_

PSB has certainly became one of my choice after looking into course avaliable in SIT and SUTD in AY2010-2011. At least something practical to fall back on when the applications are rejected by NTU and NUS. 4 months, 136 days to another major turn poing in my life. This time, I shall leave it to fate, what's going to happen 30years down the road shall be decided by this junction.

People often have troubles when choosing what they really want to study, a course of interest? or a course that will earn alot ? If you can imagine what u really wants to achieve in life then things wouldnt be that much of a trouble. But certainly, I have choose interest over money. helping more people over monetory benefits. I wouldnt be rich i suppose, but surely i will help alot of people when needed and create impacts on others life. Hopefully future experiences will only make me more firm on this decision instead my swaying towards regrets and monentory gains.

--- ' ---
adios

21mar2010. sun. storm

Unhappiness occurs when things not going the way you prefer, when unagreeable situations comes upon. First time booking in on sunday. Changes after changes, and more changes are coming up. It's this person again, who have a total different mindset from me or rather the norms. What he does irritates me, as well as going againest my principle of doing things. Hope he does change for the better, when out in a working society out there, he might have hard time struggling given his current attitude and way of doing things.

busy day ...

unhappy topics aside. - -

True love , what exactly is it ? When both parties fall in love naturally by chemistry? When both parties are attracted to each other and the feelings towards each other doesnt fade as time passes? When both parties meet eyes to eyes in the first meeting? When materalistic factors isnt take into consideration in a relationship? I suppose everyone have their own defination to it.

when both parties come together via natural chemistry which comes from within - my defination

I suppose it does exist but only in the minority out in the society. I suppose such things are often ruin my cruel practicality in life. Anyway how many guys out there wouldnt be tempted when a hot and pretty babe getting close? Which girl wouldnt consider a guy with much better eligibility. Certainly there will be people out there wouldnt be tempted. I suppose faithful wouldnt be the 'in' word for the current society where guys find sexier girls, and girls find richer guys.

Imagine you were given a ticket for 1 free ride on any public transport (buses, taxi, plane) the answer is obvious that we will usually choose something that worth more....

--- " ---

adios.

16mar10. tue. cloud

$$ vs tooth.

alright overslept for dental appt, almost late. A cute dental surgeon. alright unimportant things aside. Tooth's root canal nerves removed now filled with temporary filling. 2 more appt to complete the treatment. have to set aside $1K for the root canal treatment cost . OMG . sian.

reflected alot on life.

once someone told me that i will not be rich or poor in life. i wonder .

save save. must curb my spending habit.

want to go back to individualistic personnality. focus. maximise.
--"---

10mar10. wed. breeze

finally 1 day rest.

- toothache -

it's causing sharp pain day and night,
pain from the teeth to the gums
which ultimately ended up at the jaw
it's all due to nerve connections i supposed.

tried some panadol,
then some unknown pain killer,
it's works for the start but not in the middle of the night.
hopefully clove oil works out well.

problem to slp, as pain-killer effect goes off
problem to eat, as food touches it
pain rise as more blood circulates around that area,
solutions is to keep ur head in the position

Booked dental appointment,
but it's 1 mth away from now,
it's either wait or more cost,
shall endure it till mr dentist solve it then.

--- " ---

08mar10. mon . cloudy.

--- " ---
for Jun ORD + soon to be part peeps around me.

Goodbye to you, my fellow friends.
we've known each other after OJT.
Together we mount guard duty,
Learned of bonds and bear's PT,
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.

Goodbye my friends, it's hard to part,
where all the planes are flying in the skies,
Now that vapour is in the air,
Fun and laughters everywhere,
When you hear them, i'll be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun,
But the hills that we climbed were just season out of time.

-- "---

toothaches + jaw aches = possible pulpitis ?? 1 mth ++ to the dental appt =(

04mar10. thu. 1830hrs. rain

here come,there come. misunderstandings from people to people, superior to subordinate and last minute changes. phone calls , messages all days long regarding work even on off day. i need a break, a kit kat. It's never easy to be a in-charge . enough of whining. dislike a life like this.

-- unwilling changes --

the atmosphere turn denser,
the cloud is pouring down soon,
all because of the feelings of everyone.

we worked as a team,
fought as a team,
everything gg to come to a new start soon.

changes may force us part,
schdules may drift us seperate,
but bonds that we carved in one and other will remain always.

--- " ---

03mar10 . wed . cloudy

so many things is happening and revolving around. Changes after changes, events after events. not feeling anythings around. Separation between people you bonded with is never an easy thing to do. Like a common saying, things changes, people part. Left with 2 more mount and things is going to change, for the better ? or for the worst ? we shall see about it.

sometimes i guess keeping life simple by thinking simple ( thinking of simple things, people ) might be better.

when mind is occupied with a person, time passes faster. somethings are not meant to be shown, not meant to do, not meant to happen . It just meant to keep in thoughts and memory.

02mar10.tue. still air

Numb , physically and mentally. I am stuck in a situation where i am suppose to be very happy (G-Shift) but I am not. Sensitive tooth and lower back is hitting hard on me, trying to rectify the problem. But I guess sooner of later will pay a visit to the doctor and dentist, and very certain that I will not find those who always do a half past six job.

Life's getting complicated. Thinking on both simple and complicated side. Yup, certainly we can be ignorance about others doing and thinking, plots and motives. But which will really benefit us? or which is the right way to go ? Complex thinking include assumptions, speculation and experiences, which sometimes helps in foreseeing the future incoming events/threats however sometimes it also create a wrong impression of others. I suppose complex thinking and handling of situations and people appropriately will be the better policy. No one is happy about what is going to happen in 12 days time. Separations and moving towards the less comfort zone.

28feb. sun. breezy :)

Thanks sue da jie for organising the steamboat gathering ! =)

alright, countinuous activities throughout the weekend.

book out - buy helmet, change sit cover (which made a mistake in choosing the suitable colour =( ) - sat am : beach trg - family lunch - biopharm gathering - sun : movie: dear john . - book in .

alright ever wonder why we are attracted to certain people the first time knowing them, even though they are not that pretty, or rather pretty in ur point of view, even though they didnt fulfill the requirements u set as a 'ideal' lady. But still you are attracted to them.

- pure chemistry. -

lower back down + unknown pain ( toothache ? or ear nerve ? or ear infection ?)

adios .

23feb. tues. breezy

this is a sopiscicated world. anyway human are complex creatures themselve. Yes certainly i know where he is coming from, and i know what to do. hopefully things will change for the better in days to come.

Ytd was the day where alot of significant events and meeting occurs i suppose, at least to us. At the very least i know that you are still there for us. thanks.

sometimes i do see at their point of views, but stubbornly i choosed to only see at my narrow angle.

---. ---

the one and only sensetive tooth is killing me !! in the day and night, eating and drinking !!

back got worse after today's gym session, shall permenently excuse myself from lower back and glut exercises till thing turns better. still cant figure is it muscle or nerves issues. It's only the left side of the lower back but it's spreading to my left butt. I wonder does OMG3 helps in nerves issues? Shall test it out.

rsm called, met wo ravi at some random overhead bridge. meet the WOs day ...

somethings are fated,
some happen coincidentally,
some is just destinate to be,
however future and choices are still up in our own mind and hands.

--- " ---

adios .

17feb10. wed. cloudy.

thanks to him, not enough rest.
thanks to him, my lower back is in pain from then till now.

alright hopefully the pain is just cause by muscle strain. and hopefully things will be better tmr. hopefully he change his mindset. hopefully ...

endless whining ... endless complains. that's one way to make one feels better. at least it work a little for me. when u say it out, u ll forget the unhappiness.
--"--

bro got a bike for himself whooo, get to ride auto scooter next time ! anyway i still prefer my small cbr =)

-- " --

14feb10. sun. wind

it's CNY, same old people, same old place, here is the time where we get to see people who we'll see only once a year. But different feelings. somehow or rather i realise how much distance am i away from my family and relatives in term of bonding. It can be seen from a simple dinner or gathering. They are suppose to be the closest. I don't understand them, and vice versa. I wonder why family politics is also in place. Politics get to place where there are large group of people together ? Or issit that it's the way we were brought up ? Where everythings are usually settled by ourself, where we buy things we like ourself instead of pulling mummy dress and say 'mummy, mummy, can i have this ?'. Or issit that we came from a 'broken' family where there's a absence of care from parents? But one thing for sure, I will make sure this wouldn't happen to my family in the future, may it be the younger generation or older generation.

I don't mind being called 'B', But do take note when it comes to laughing at others weakness. It's not about some unique action. But I guess it's just not right to laugh at a person when he's trying to improve on it, why not correct that person or advise him instead of laughing at he's langage pronounciation. I mean different people are brought up differently in different background, you maybe born in a well educated and good family, but others might not.

Another thing that actually hit me hard is laughing at the physical shortcoming of others. Be glad that you wasn't born like this. Does laughing at other pes status or whatsoever, make you feel that you are actually the most perfect person on earth ?! I didnt speak about anything about ur back or vision disability or physical weakness (did i say anything when you guys can even do a proper push up or wheresoever where i stand a advantages?) Here's this person is trying hard not to let people see his short comings and here you guys are laughing at him spreading around his weakness, is that the right thing to do ? It's hard to trust anybody, or rather it's better not to trust anyone. It's better to isolate in one corner and so nobody will bother you. Slowly bits by bits detach from the shift/place as things remains is only hatred.

blame my mindset, blame me for being sensitive in these area, whatsoever.

I hope to form bonds but things happening around make me think otherwise.

--- " ---

07Feb10. Sun . Breezy

Surf and Sweat is over. completed something she wanted few years back then. It's time to drift away. If there is any 'debt' toward her, it will be clear by now. guilt free . no longer remorseful.

At the start line, A was telling B (which is one of the compeititor in that wave),

A : Must get 1st for this wave uh.

B: But they look strong also.

A: don't worry la, you got the surfing experiences, they don't have, sure win de.

B: *quiet

Lucky A is not one of the participant in this heat ... or else ....

what a cocky attitude, showing disrespect to other compeititors. anyway B came in last in that wave. ' for goodness sake, next time if you want to say such a 'motivation' talk to your friend, kindly motivate behind the back of other compeititors.

- empty feeling, empty heart, empty mind -

CNY's coming, it's just feels like another normal month. Everything became so dead, so meaningless. Even brain is slowing down. Things will only be different after august. that's the only thing i looking forward to. well some might take this 2 yrs or less as a good experiences but i guess to me it's otherwise. It taught me to go againest some principles which i used to have. Guess it's just that i am easily affected by others.

let's think,

if route A negative,

move on to route B,

if route B negative,

move on to route C,

if all route . negative,

find another alternatives . infinate times.

--- " ---

04feb. thu. wind

getting lazier, less motivated ... rotting becoming the pastime that i actually spent most of my time on when i am out of camp ...

i am so detached to everyone around me. even those who suppose to be the closest to me.

it's good not to fall in love, then no one will be hurt.

---"---

28Jan10. thu. Windy

First time I see someone breakdown mentally as a friend. I guess he was confused or stucked in a situation where feasible solution isn't visible. After keeping and wondering everything by himself to his 'limit capacity', he broke down into tears. Hopefully he learnt something out of the experience. Facing the reality in life and the way to handle unexpected situations.

Sometimes the world is ugly when human are double sided. Well infront, bad at back. hmm.

--- " ---

29&30&31Jan10. fri&sat&sun. still wind

- swim, swimming, swam. 10pm-7am @ NTU sundown swimathlon. bored. tired. hungary. cold.

- Sentosa Beach Trg, great ! fun ! i loves BOARD !

- biopharm gathering, pasta, alcohol ice-cream, ramen, chats ! =)

- gym gym gym ---- new forearm trg ! tired ..

packed weekend . fulfilling times =)

adios

----" ---

21-26 Jan

260110. tues. white breeze

Life's sorta monotonous with a little spices once in a blue moon. book out - exerise, clean bike, sleep, eat, go library, buy stuffs at times, book in - hmmm that's life in this vocation, the good things is you are free when others are not, so don't need to worry about long quenes, squeezing bus, heavy traffic, packed gym or shopping centre , but on another side, unable to meet up with friends except those who came from the same shift.

i am troubled as usual. i start wondering about the future and those thoughts and stands that use to hold firm in me. i am clueless again.

" It's not about the beneficial or losing outcome, it just simply right or wrong."

--- " ---

240110. sun. breeze

As we grow, we experiences, we learn and we change from simplicity to complicity.

simply eating --

A baby only need to open his/her mouth to eat,

A child uses utensils to eat,

A teenage often trouble about getting what to eat,

A adult have concern over the monthly expenses on eating...

As we grow, we take up more responsibilities, worrying more things around us..

why moth is being stated as a spiritual representative ? what was the story behind it ?

there a tiny moth landed on my waist, i placed my hand on my waist, slowly it climbed and stop on my index finger as if it want to tell me something.

I tried to scare it away with another of my palm moving right above it, moving so near that i almost could crush it instantly but it remain there unmove as if it read my mind that i am not killing it.

ye: ' haha your ah gong come visit u liao ar! '

kai: ' if it's really my ah gong then ask him to stop the mosquitoes from biting me!'

kw: 'haha this kind of things better dont anyhow say uh ! must repay de hor'

kai: *stoned , " ps uh just kidding de."

then it flew away.

once in my life i felt relief to be stung and suck by mosquitoes that night ...

--- " ---

220110. Fri . Cloudy

There i saw orion belt and hunter right above me. Here i am getting upset and angry over others busniness. Over people who are irresponsible to a large extend affecting others. Things could been better handle by doing necessary things. People often neglect duties and responsibilities. They thought that things could be settled just by saying 'i don't know' when they know, 'I didnt received it' when they received it, 'it's too late now' when things could be settled earlier. 'it's not my duty or responsibility now. I am seriously blowing my top off. I understand that different way of doing things but in my point of view, it's just not right.

someone who seriously dislike people who are irresponsible for their own actions.

' A nice place to chat and chill with the breezy wind and starry sky. '

---" ---

210110. Thurs. Cloudy

It 's up to individual and there's no right and wrong about it, it's purely up to personal judgement, experience and principles.

You cant fault one for not giving up sit to the needy.

You cant blame one for not being as helpful as you.

No one have the rights to do so.

It might go against what you think,

what you want,

but that's life.

you can blame them because you wasnt in their shoes.

mr high income, might think that donating $900 per month is ok.

But mr low income might think donating $1 once a while will be enough.

mr generous might think giving out 90% of your income is something everyone should do,

But mr more responsibilities might think spending on family comes first.

mr helpful might think that helping others should always come the first piority,

But mr workaholic might think finish urgent tasking should come first.

The question is if you are helping something that can be done much later and neglected the more important and urgent task on hand ?

It's just like a man who left with a 10% oxygen tank pass his 10% to a person who left with 20% oxygen and died, when the rescue boat is coming soon. how necessary is it ?

how kind, how helpful ? depending on individual aspect. one shouldnt expect others to see and do things the same as they thought.

you shouldn't blame him, he's 25 and got his own views, stand, piority and ways. you shouldnt blame your son being different from you.

- should we help those who receive sufficient help from others ?

--- " ---

adios

130110. WED . cloudy purple

-- just another day without sufficient count--


blood flowing irregularly,
coldness felt on cheeks,
numbness around body,
vision slowly merges as one white screen,
it's time to gamble inorder to handle situation differently.


white flag,
squat down,
fall out,
then will be blame by many others,
some out there will look down upon,


don't want to be blame,
don't want to be looked down,
don't want to disappoint,
don't want to spoil,
just try the best to finish till the end.


it might just mean
lost of core temperature,
lost of sight,
lost of motion,
then followed by a K.O status.


speeches goes on,
lost the sense of sight,
left with sense of hearing,
listening, concentrating, struggling
lucky as speech ended before the lost of motion states proceed.

Just ended the fight on the ring.
--- " ---

the occurances of careless mistake keep on increasing from day to day. *sigh

everyones make mistake, but he made stupid mistakes...

--- " ---

150110. FRI. Cloudy Blue

MA : same as usual, nothing positive came out from doct. alright 'll take note 'once you lost it, you will never get it back' but i didnt choose to lost it, never once listen to loud music, never visit noisy places frequently, but sometimes no choice means no choice, just hope that planes can fly softer or lesser for the next 7 mths ya ? just pray it remain and not worst ..

have to tolerate those 'not so positive' remarks for another 7 mths,

dont laugh at others lost, it's 'not so nice' to do that

'are you perfect' ask urself this before pouring out those 'not so nice' statements


cos the world is 'not so fair' ,

i mean 'SO WHAT!', that's me.


i am a freaking stubborn person.

sometimes ' i wanna be a bad guy, debond every bonds, ignoring everything everyone. '

---"---

16&17 Jan. SAT&SUN. Breezy Blue

-spy next door : nice hilarious movie 4.5/5 =)
- light gym at JW
- partyworld w UG.

- not that safe rider sometimes.

-- END --

120110. tues. grey wind

it's a new year also separation for alot of couples out there. I wonder why.

01Jan2010. Fri . breezy blue

some interestingg+ lammmmmee eventss

1] @ 01jan 0000-0015 of 2010, first time standing at a area where all 3 locations fireworks are visible
2] @ 1jan 0006 of 2010, received first msg of the year .
3] @ 01jan 0030-0100 of 2010, first time opening gate at the middle of the night
4] @ 01jan 1000 of 2010, first hand over @ 010110 1000hrs
5] @ 01jan 1345 of 2010, first medicine of 2010: duro-tuss
6] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first movie of 2010: Avanta 3D
7] @ 01jan 1630-1900, first time having couples kissing right infront @ a movie theatre (it's not that i wanna notice, it's just that they are kissing non - stop -_-"')
8] @ 01jan 1900-2100, first time visting manhattan fish market
9] @ 01jan 2130-2200, first pillion of 2010
10] @ 01jan 2345, first 200th 'photos' on FB.

--- " ---
sometimes it's not emoing, it's just not feeling well dudes !! hahahha

- the flu + tonnnes of phelgms in my throats = breathing sooo difficult + some minor chest pain + headache

- pi pa gao doesnt works much, hope duro-tuss works ...

----" ---
HAPPY 2010 to everyone! =)

adios.

29dec. tues . blue breeze

-left with flu .

- went giant with sis, got quite some stuffs

- cooked cereal prawns, BUT it was totally unsuccessful, although it's still edible. but it's really troublesome ... shall try making it again next time, but i guess it will be cereal chicken !!

- end of looonnnggg holiday .. alright shall spend my new year eve + 1/2 new year in camp.

-- " --

adios

26th Dec. Sat . purple sun

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to everyone. I dont know what to say, perhaps it's due to my limited vocabulary. but from the bottom of my heart i really want thanks everyone, everybody.

---"---
everything was alright today, except having a mercedes benz flashing high beam behind me up and down lots of time, it kinda really pissed me off, alrd riding at 70- 80km/h on normal road alrd, somemore it's NORMAL ROAD mind u not expressway !! kns sooo angry that i show finger first time on the road ! cant stand it. RICH soo wat ! go own ur own road la ! dont drive on public places la ! kns. 100% no road courtesy ! argh !! alright if there's a next time, i will sure play till the end ! see who win grrrr!!
--- " ---

Alright enough of venting my anger on blog. *puff puff ...

Thanks butt for everything today =) alright i actually spent my actual 21st with a special friend over the past 6 years ? I guess this is special enough ba ... thinking back, thanks for everything butt.

friends comes and go. leaving their footprint in ur mind. time to go on in life, time to face the practicality of life. from the 21st steps onwards, things will be different, roles and duties will be different, mindset and action will be different, people perceptions will be different, expectation will be different...

it might be a simple 21 years of life, or it might be a complicated one. sometimes we dont really have a choice, do we ? we learnt to make decision wisely, so as not to regret in the future. we learnt to do things effectively in our own way, as that suit us the most.

i wonder lots of stuffs endlessly. i realised i have many friends around. i realised that i dont belong anywhere. i realised that people do care for me till the extend it can touches me deep inside. i realised that there are so much more in life.

at times i just hope that certain things can be forgotten.

--- "
a flu + feverish 21st BD ...

adios

25th Dec . Fri . greyish breeze

.Random Thoughts.


I wonder why human remember things ? Why do we have notstalgic feelings whenever we pass by places that we used to familiar with ?


I wonder why human forget things ? Why do we forget things at times we need to recall it ? Why do memories fades away as times passes ?


Sometimes in life we might think nothing about something, wheras others might take it otherwise.


People don't want to remember the past because it's a nightmare to them.


People wants to remember the past because it's a fairytale to them.


Some people choose to let go things because it's doesn't matter to them anymore.


Some people choose to cling on it as a learning experiences in life.


I guess that's life. Somethings happen 'knowingly' while some happen 'unconsciously'.


-- " --


" In life black and white are define by a very fine line but also a very thick zone."


"sometimes in life, chances just come in the wrong time"


-- " --


do pardon me for my poor ang mo ... hahaha


merry christmas everyone ! =)


adios =

20dec09. SUN. orange rain

Finally it's over. the actual day is 6 days away.

happiness, disappointment, excitement, confusion and these were the feelings over the days.

this year was special compared to the past not because it's the start of the route towards adulthood but rather, i am celebrating it with u guys, yup it's u guys who actually embarked onto my 'ship' making it more colourful, creating changes, accompany me through certain part of the journey across the 'ocean'.

i know there were some important people who wasn't invited to celebrated this special day, you guys were impt too however, i am unable to cater to so many people. sorry about that.

---"---

thanks for thoughts and efforts guys =)

[PSR Coasta Sand C06]

--- " ---

14dec09. Mon : purple breeze

now i can understand how chris, LF and Ian felt that period after the burn from exhuast pipe ... the feeling is wahh hhh .. and the 'walk' through those terrain actually worsen it. then plus some water = highhhhh..

slowly bits by bits things are falling in place. but things have to change again, due to my mum decision or suggestions . carry out plan B waahhh .. alright anyway. so use to doing everything myself since young, all of the sudden my mum come in and help hmm like not use to it. but anyway she meant well. but but but i seriously don't like that 'i am still a kid' feeling. people need to experiences and learn. Falling down, moving a longer route, sailing over a tougher sea is part and parcel of life.

another round of headache, keep on going on and off past few weeks. keep on dropping things that i am holding, like just suddenly just let go of the items, and my poor handphone and keys are the most on the 'dropping list'.

I admit that i am just plain stubborn .

adios
--- ' ---

.Wed. 09dec09 . hazy purple .

that spell hits again. cant figure out the root of the problem. was it diet? hydration? psychological? lack of conditioning? metabolism rate? insufficient O2 ? lack of RBC? or issit just the body condition ? i got no idea. it always comes and hit without a reason .

didn really have time for myself the past few days or weeks. Today kind of settled lots of personal stuffs on hands. Tmr will be one of a 'big' day for everyone participating i guess. Anyway tmr will be the first time i wear no. 1. another first time in my 'milestone' .

- Friends -

Some friends are just like clouds and wind,
At certain stage of life they were there,
After which they just disappear from your life.

Some friends are just like a road and track,
They share similar mindset and interest,
As time passes people change and they go seperate ways.

Some friends are just like leaf and branch,
chemistry and experiences make them clique,
some stick around, while some falls leaving a deep footprint in your heart.

the path of fate ?
at every intersection we meet different people.
some stays while some leave.

fated to be friends? fated to be foes? or is it the decision make by one ?

a non sense thoughts and post.

adios

--" --

25nov09 wed : hazy red

' to achieve perfect fairness in the world is 99% impossible, cause the earth is not evenly round'

some people are just that stubborn, refuse to accept others suggestions.

fairness, complications, responsibility, selfishness, autocratic ....

you wldn understand the feelings of it unless u are the one going through it.

mum's back from india

wants to go oversea !!! omg , alright it's not the time yet

--- " ---

26nov2009 thurs : rainy purple

First time I experience a child crying infront of me after coaching so long. guess i sld have put to a stop and not trying to get him over his comfort zone at that point of time haiz somemore he's just a 2 years old kid. it's a thin line between comfort zone and learning new things. have to take things more slowly next time. Seriously i need more experience and explorations in handling kids ... *sigh

sometimes taking public transport is good. can rest, can observe things around .

loves OREO CHEESE CAKE !! thanks sis for that .

oreo + cheese = happy

--- " ---

adios

nowcast: hazy purple

how i hope people around me didn treat me that well.

sometimes i wonder do i deserve such kind treatment from u all ? i feel bad about it. Something i realised, there are times where i didn know how to repay the kindness that you all have given me. But there's somethings i hope to remember 10yrs, 50yrs down the road, that when i was young till now u all are always with me, supporting me therefore i must not forget to repay these kindness. do forgive my selfishness and stubborness at times. thanks uncle dad, lao sim and mum.

if every kind deed is calculate as +1 then i think i wouldn be able to repay all these kindess this life time.

I guess i have sort of forgive and forget what he had done and the damages he cause to us. things went wrong, and he made the wrong choice. He choose to be irresponsible and neglect this family of his. But it isnt his fault entirely, it's because all of us resent him, isolate him, didn give him a chance to chance. I felt sorry for him, although he did not play his part as father, but still i will play my part as a son.

--'--
people wonder why things have to be calculative. why cant things just go in a simpler way ?

however if things wasnt calculative, the world will be in havoc condition. Everything will just be anything and anyhow. Calculation is also a part of order, and fairness. but to what extend, you decide yourself.

any simple sport match can reveal the reality of the world, the practicality of human. it's ugly somehow.

sometime if life doesnt have any feelings or emotions to consider, things will be so much simpler. but think about it again, will you want to leave in a world without care and concern ?

-- " --

Went to Run for Hope '09 , 10km jog with butt. I ask myself what's the reason i am doing it for, for the organisation that organize? for cancer research? for friend ? - i dont know, remain in a blur zone. anyway i guess it doesnt matter.

Just when i am getting numb to the world, someone did something that remind me to be helpful. helpful means helping others we are in need of help, by helping these people their task will be easier and faster, by helping these people they are able to do certain things that are not possible to be done alone. To what extend or under which circumstances should we help, i guess it's up to individual.

bad headache hit again. i cant find out the reason for it this time.

--- " ---

i need a personality change. a change for the better.

nowcast: hazy purple

this is the problem which i might also face in the future. this problem will only arise in middle to low income family, where money is the green light to go or not to go for further study. I guess that's life. We have to make use of what we have in life and work things out. It's gg to be tough, really tough but i know she will make it because of her determination, hopefully things will go smoothly for her. Take a break, sit down and think of the future, think of what we really want in life and how are we going to achieve it. The future lies in our hands.

---

long long week. where there's so much of uncertainties, changes and repeititions. where the only thing to look forward is the time it's over.

tough times like this will reveal the nature of human. selfless or selfish. it's where everyone plays their part to achieve it. 'tough time dont last, tough men do'

make use of every seconds, there will be time for rest .

---

06nov09 fri : windy blue

- K box with sis and bf

- had fav cereal prawn !
do i deserve such good treatment ? i wonder. i really hope the predicted future is untrue. i hope that our siblings bonds will also stay strong and unite.

[dt east][changi]

07nov09 sat : sunny orange

- OW trg . the wave that day was really nice to swim , or issit some sorta psychological effect ?
- didn noe why is there such adrenaline rush throughout the trg ... issit food ? sleep ? people ? weather ? previous day mood ? i wonder ... and for no reason yk is falling in love in doing push ups that day . hmm . strange . - tireness did not appear in my head at all -
- receive 1 x call. quite suprise (big question mark)to hear that he/she is taking off on that day but happy though.
-supper with butt. everyday people die, but how did these people handle death so calmly ? And how did those close ones manage to accept the fact that he/she have to go ? i wonder.

[sentosa][bdk 85]

08nov09 sun : leafy green

- nutrilite jog, stated 4.5k but i feel that it's much lesser. happen to see my sispec buddy there ! yup it's coincidence, kept knocking onto him this week, twice i guess.
- library. books tonnes of books but only restricted to 4 .
- cant resist the temptation of the chicken chop ...

[expo 3] [tamp]

leave leave off off long rest week

31st Oct (Sat)

- dislike the term 'china man', pls don use names like that just because people 'ang mo' is way belows u all.


- i guess that's the problems when people from all walks of life comes together. the tendency to look down or dislike one another. i guess education does plays a part in making friends ?


- rain rain rain
hate it when i have to ride my bike under the rain, esp jus after washing !!

- but no choice, took leave for the RFH runner pack collection

- went through erp gantry without cashcard.

-almost lost in the process but thanks to 'butt's moving gps'.

[regent][sgh]

1st Nov (Sun)

- went to pray

- have a fulfilling lunch with bro at the Tanjong Pagar hawker , nice traditional wanton mee (the tomato sauce type), with soya drink and a plate of cai tou gue wooOOoo that's heaven !

- went for a 30mins jog
it's that cold stingy feeling agn. well i guess it comes once in the blue moon, hopefully it don come during RFH... haiz

[tanjong pagar] [tamp-psr-tamp]

2nd Nov (Mon)

- went swimming with bro
haha he is learning butterfly ! ok la, consider very good since his 2nd time practising =)

- Rotting at home watching (general hospital drama) nice !

- nice chat with vonn, thanks =)

[tamp SC][home]

3rd Nov (Tues)

- went light re workout after hours and hours of self motivation ... haha

- went swimming after butt's first prac then had a rainbow paddlepop which i have been missing for soo long ! =)

- met gwp gang, michael birthday =) LT's treat. realise that i spelled michael name wrongly on the keychain. have great time catching up with them =)

[TNCC gym][bedok][bugis]

- wants to live life to the fullest !
- wants to help needy people but but at the same time dont wanna being take advantages of.

adios

nowcast: dark purple

--"--

Great times with biopharm mates @ JG's 21st =D
[coasta sand PSR F05]

--"--
28oct09

- they heard that i am interested in G, helping me to ask the possibility of getting in. i really appreciate this help. thanks alot.

- now the real problem come. where G vs U.

- my sturbboness and greediness is killing me!

- out with butt.

- watched sister's keeper = nice touching show

- 1st time to iluma filmgrade theatre = quite spacious

[bugis]

--- " ---

29oct09

- woke up at 8 then went back zz , too lazy to swim
- too lazy to get out of bed

- meet butt for farm trip, bike lesson application, was way late to the meeting time.
- love the sight of kranji 'bridge' area.
- went to sungei buloh instead, nice nature reserve.
- waited in the theatre for the show, but the show never start or play. Left after 20 mins of waiting.
- saw tons of monitor lizard swimming here and there. realise they cant stay in water for long.
- saw some slimmy creature not sure what is it.
- saw squirrels .
- saw lots of birds but unsure about their species/ breed.
- saw the growing cycle of prawn, looks similar to butterfly's cycle to me.
- saw a bird lover with a huge camera with lens width as huge as my legs circumference.
- saw some secondary school kids and some kindergarden children.
- saw crabs and fishes.
- bitten by lots of mosquitoes, applied the repellent but was too late.
- saw a female dogs with 4 puppies, watch them swam past the muddy swamp while 1 was left behind.
- almost walked onto a monitor lizard who is lazing at the side of the footpath.
- climbed 2 tower there. nothing special.
- wanted to took a shortcut back but saw a 'no way out' signage.
-caught in that heavy rain while moving off to next destination, totally drench except the butt area.

- went to jurong frog farm, saw lots of bull frog, booing here and there. saw how a dead frog look like, bloated stiff body. jus like a drown human ?

- went to bollywood - poison ivy for lunch, nice curry, drumlets and the ALOE VERA lime juice ! interesting doors and nice ambience. saw their boss, was a white indian i guess, telling the workers what to do with that stagnant water, laugh at her jokes/ remarks to her workers. she came over to our table smiling at us, telling us her ways of caring for the worker 'i only allow them to smoke 2 stick per day, strictly no drinking for them, it's for their own good.' so that they will save up more of their hard earned money. well i agree - all smokers pls smoke lesser sticks !!

- went TM to get some stuffs. but decided to get another thing for that present.
- pocket is in burning. but i guess it's worthwhile.
- bike's dirty after the extreme wet ride...
- decided to go into G, take a step at a time, when the situations arises then move to solution.

- casting everythings aside, keeping things simple.

don wish to - . see his mum, bro, sis, relatives, close friends, friends unhappy. trouble/ rely on anybody. get into r/s. get fat. get skinny. get agitated/ fustrated. do things that doesnt obey his principles. overspend. pin high hopes. reveal his physical weakness. don wish to. don wish to.

[kranji][cdc][tamp central]

---" ---

adios

nowcast: -

drink. drank. drunk.

a good feeling which comes with a bad aftermath ?

some felt it earlier some felt it later.
some able to take more while some lesser.

some says it comes with experiences and 'training'

u know it's happening,
but u wldn care,

cos it doesnt matters, as the world is spinning around u.

thoughts of sorrow,

memories of sorries,

you doesnt know why it's that person out of all.

it's so deep in the heart,

in the sea of memories,

it's painful to recall back.

it's the things happened,

the experiences together,

it's so unique that it stay.

hate to relied on others,

but without them,
you'll nv be home.

it's a once in a lifetime experiences ...

you never felt it, you never know it.

that's life ...

[lao pau sa] [ butter fac - cody's BD]

16/10 - 17/10

- caught unprepared

-last min info

- unable to make get some presents done on time.

- task after task, meeting after meeting, gathering after gathering.

[prawning] [OW trg][dragon gate's tim sum buffet] [ amanda's 21st BD @ K box]

' jia jia you ben nan nian de jing ' - it's another crisis ?

nowcast: grey

browses through some blogs
there's a person who recalled the past,

the hurtful feeling,
the broken heart,

there were 3 point of views,
but none were known to each another,

assumptions were made,
conclusion were set,

perhap too friendly in the past,
perhap too helpful,

learn to be more heartless?
learn to be more careful ?

not decisive,
not observance.

if he/she is more decisive, and observant, things might not happen in such a manner.

perhaps this person will not have such a great fall, such a deep wound.

it's a past, a complicated past...

never meant to hurt anyone, never want to see people suffer.

sorry. tried. but nothing can really be done to make things better.

perhaps isolation, ignorance, keeping a great distance would be the solution.

hope he/she will stand up again, be brave and things will be better. i guess .

--- " ---

stupid. dumb / smart. clever

channel 5 . growing up. meaningful show. learn something out of it.

ran with butt, est about 9 - 10 km or lesser ?

that new hairstyle suit her .

- yi kai didnt wash bike again . due to sooOOo many last mins event .

- getting lazy + disorganised = not good. time to get back on track.

--- adios

nowcast: light blue

- nostalgic -

a day of gathering,
a day of coincidence,
it's a day where old friends meet.

stuffed with yummys,
surprises were made,
reminiscence of those good old times we had.

enter army,
back to study,
it's just another stage of life.

somethings changes,
somethings stays,
true friends will always be right there.

e nostalgic feeling, walking the same old path, stepping back into the compound, looking around thinking back.

friends were leaving ... or rather we left ...

once there, but left.

[JW. Jap Village] [ RP ] [CWP]



- adios

nowcast: grey

disconnect . refresh

isolate . reflect

rest . recharge

. . . .

Goodies Bags Week

nowcast: light blue .

Goodies BAG WEEK!

- visited chervon for AGM
- NUS SplashDown

= 2 x goodies bag.
-- " --

YK declared broke this mth =( soOOo much temptation from John Little sales + Comex Fair .

-- " --

what can be done ?

i wonder.

- when we undergo somethings unfavourable, just close ur eyes and tell urself, 'it will be over one day', may it be getting experience or follow through motions ...

- adios

nowcast: purple blue

Going Home (A short film on Dementia)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iXPHhfk_7E&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.vin4.blogspot.com%2F&feature=player_embedded

--nice local film -- =)

nowcast: dark purple

- scratches on bike =( .

lesson learnt, 'nv let other to ride ur bike no matter how confident they are, how long they hold their license' ... cos ur bike is not a trg sch bike, which equipped with metal rack beside ... haiz

---" ---

- it's time to get back stamina ...

- it's time to get back some weight ..

- it's time to wake up ...

- it's time to spend time more meaningfully ...

- it's time to think about how to handle people around.

- it's time to think about more solutions to overcome/ coverup personal weakness.

- it's time to plan some contingency plan for studies and financial.

- it's time ....

' i will do things i believes that's right, till the day i fall'

--- " ---

soon.. i am unable to differentiate the different types of people around me, those who are true and those who are not.

but is tat really impt ?

--- " ---